To tell Children's Services it is a malicious referal from school

And yes there was a marked transition when SS realised that parents had been married for decades and were both educated to masters level - was studying for a PhD at the time and had retained my maiden name due to previous publication so school believed I was a 'fancy piece' and not the mother. Not so fond memories.

I was referred to SS 15 years ago because school refused to support DS1. Can't believe they're still getting away with this shit. You have nothing to fear OP. SS did a home visit and immediately dismissed school referral as 'malicious' - ie wanting to claim the problem was home and not school.

You need an EHCP to get a different placement. Appeal refusal to assess, appeal contents and placement. Get your own EP, SALT and OT assessments. It seems clear your school will refuse to support and may well block, insane though it sounds it does happen. Don't trust your LA. They do not have your child best interests at heart.

You are your child's best advocate.

DS1 was awarded specialist school placement but it was too late and it failed after 5 terms. He has some qualifications thanks to intervention of SOS!SEN and bespoke package of tutors, SALT, OT, psychotherapist and CAMHS but came to a grinding halt with COVID and social anxiety means he is now practically housebound. I am full time carer on CA.

DS2 had an EHCP and so had bespoke package that funded internet school throughout secondary (but I was unpaid LSA). But he now has 10 GCSEs, A level maths, further maths and physics (Astar, A, A) and has just started Masters engineering degree. There is no way he would have achieved that if he had stayed in 'brick' mainstream.

It was bloody hard work and I had to sacrifice my earning potential and ability to earn pension. But at least you see some reward. The exhaustion and stress from continual battle whilst watching your child deteriorate is soul destroying. Not to mention the personal impact on self esteem and well being of being vilified, blamed, disbelieved etc.

Michael Charles - expert SEN solicitor - worth looking up on Facebook.
I also see you mentioned your child had long covid, you can get support from Long Covid Kids.

Oh, if you've been on a CiN before, won't social care already know a bit about your family anyway and you can just go from there?

What I hope from this thread is to be picked up by a Autism and human rights charity and your case to be presented in court and this headmaster, mistress? to go to jail - I hope honestly they go to jail for the hatred, abuse and false accusations they are spreading

you are not the problem, dear mother. It is just the way this world is. People are evil ( some ) and you can find them all over the place, in any work setting. Instead allowing more and more people with SEN to be supported, society wants to go back to square 1 when the times were such that people with issues were kept behind closed doors, locked away permanently, abused, raped and killed.

To this day no one has ever given account and justice to the hundreds starved to death kids in NHS mental facilities units, nor any one was brought to justice for the kids and teenage mental unit in Kent where someone was sexually abusing three times a day while on shift and when one girl challenged their behaviour, she was told to shut up and that no one will believe her because she is a mad girl in a place for mad girls.

It is honestly, a horror story and shame on the so called progressed English democracy.

That's ok and you're probably very tired as well.

Pulling her out of school would show that the school were correct, address whatever they say u r doing wrong.

The thing is, it can be done. Yes, there are budget/resources/space restrictions, a lot of time and paperwork and multiple agencies(including SS ) involved but it can be done and everyone was in agreement that it was the best way forward.

We had a pupil like this , that massively deteriorated during COVID. There was a long term plan put in place with several steps over a period of time. First mum and child would come in, stay for a few minutes(until register closed), then go. Then mum and child in for half an hour/an hour doing activities in a quiet area of the school. Then mum was joined by a member of staff to try and build trust and a bond. Then the time slowly increased. Then mum was leaving earlier and earlier, until in the end it was just the child and the TA. In the meantime, other members of staff would pass by (this was discussed and carefully planned and the staff members carefully selected ) and make a small POSITIVE comment to the child so they would be used to other faces/people. The child didn't receive an education for a while as such, but the plan always was to make them feel safe at school to begin with. Then topic related activities were introduced, having a friend join in every now and then, always included in school trips/activities if they wanted to . It was a painstakingly slow process with a lot of time and resources involved , but it worked.

I really understand as I have it too. Took me a while to realise I am entitled to reasonable adjustments at these meetings. You are too.

So things like an agenda sent in advance with all areas to be discussed and covered.

Hardcopies of everything given to you to have in meetings

A quiet place for meetings

A list of exactly who will be there

Clear clarification of things……

Whatever helps you. You are legally entitled to this. Don’t let them make you feel like shit. I doubt very much if the vast majority could cope with a nursing job alongside being a carer and advocate for an autistic child whilst managing autism themselves.

What helps me with this is taking a short (e.g. half page) list of bullet points. Provide this in advance too that way it will be minuted.

My autistic child has only recently recovered from a period of ebsa due to anxiety so i understand what you're going through. We were referred to SS disability team which was stressful at the time I was told, but turned out to be very helpful and supportive. There is much more in place outside school now e.g. funding/referral for an autism kids club.

Family circumstances should always be taken into account. As you have prebiously had mental health issues, the Dad has mental health issues and you've been on CIN a referral seems very sensible. It doesn't mean you are being blamed but that additional support for the family is more likely to be needed. Having an anxious child is very stressful. Try to see it as a good thing.

The thing that struck me reading through your comments is that there sounds like huge miscommunication on both sides. This is often the case when a child's mental wellbeing can be so dynamic as is the school environment. What sounds good on paper might not work in practise (our lovely EP plan and ASN plans are both out the window). For example missing the school trip is wrong in theory but in practise the teachers might not have felt they could keep her safe when self harming regularly. My child has missed several trips recently and I certainly wouldn't complain about it because I genuinely don't think them going would have worked or been safe.

I've spent hours at reception at points and the way I see it is it's a small price to pay to avoid being stuck longer term homeschooling. Thankfully my employer allowed me to cut hours for a while. It has worked and my child is back in school.

Experts will see different factors in a situation and come at it from different perspectives. Parents will too. Often all that works is a bit of trial and error.

Oh and when SS turned up... They'd been told my husband was a single parent struggling on his own. They actually asked if I was his "fancy piece". 😱🤦‍♀️

I pointed to the picture on the wall of us getting married about twenty years prior and the ones of me holding said child as a baby. They still didn't get it until I said no, I was the child's Mother. We all lived in the same house and I'd been married to "child's Dad" for twenty years... They then looked around our house and realised it was decent and warm, and that our child had a lovely bedroom, clean clothes and food.

Oh and the way their attitude changed when they realised DH was "Dr" and that I was a teacher was truly horrifying...

If you do need help with EHCP/Managing ASD in education etc, just ask...

You're doing amazingly under the circumstances! It's perfectly natural reaction to be very upset as a loving conscientious mother, I certainly was, and I ONLY JUST held it together by trying to do the best for my kids. I was a single parent working full time at the time, and my ex suffers from schizophrenia so i couldn't involve him as it would make him more sick. I thought we were doing well as a family under the circumstances, my kids seemed happy at home, and was utterly devastated when I got the referral, but after the shock i just wanted to sort it all out. You and your child need some support right now, and if you fully engage with child services they will help you. it's just crying SHAME that the school don't seem to be doing that, let's hope they pull their bloody socks up when CS get involved.

Oh that's good about the appeal. We got our needs assessment after an appeal. Had to appeal again to force them to issue sadly.

Not sure who I'm quoting here, but:

Those who matter don't mind
Those who mind don't matter

Courage.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66bf300da44f1c4c23e5bd1b/Working_together_to_improve_school_attendance_-_August_2024.pdf

Hi OP, here's the latest DfES guidance. Read pages 23 and 24. Your school does not appear to be complying with it.

The website "Not Fine in School" may have other useful resources for you.