Would you become pregnant at 47 if....

We waited a long time for our DC (Including various cycles of IVF) and had DC1 when I as was almost 43 (IVF fresh cycle, own eggs) and DC2 when I was almost 47 (IVF frozen cycle, own eggs). I am now 60 and they are almost 18 and 14.

Yes, I would prefer to have had them earlier but I do not think that they have suffered from having older parents.

We have been able to do all sorts of things with them that younger parents do with their children. We have been able to give them more financial stability than many younger parents. We are more emotionally mature than many younger parents, and have more life experience to offer them. Having them has kept us younger in outlook as well.

Our situation is a bit different from yours, and there are definitely risks you need to weigh up, plus you need to weigh up the pros and cons for your DC1. I should add that the risks for my DC2 were linked to my age when his embryo was created (ie when I was 42 rather than 47.) And there are the risks of you not being around for them as long as if you had them younger, although if I live to the same age as my own mother is (and she is still hale and hearty, touch wood), DC1 will be 46 and DC2 will be 42, so hopefully pretty established in their lives.

Some of the downsides are: (1) needing to make financial provision (eg taking our hefty life insurance policies) to ensure they would be financially secure if things die go wrong; (2) needing to have someone in the family ready to take them on if we went early; (3) dealing with the demands of aged parents and young children at the same time; (4) knowing that we will need to keep working longer to see them through school and uni etc.

By the way, I agree that the nonsense spouted by some PPs about older mums always being too menopausal to be able to deal with toddlers or being too senile/decrepit by the age of 60 to do anything with their children, etc etc is not universally true. I personally sailed through the menopause, even though I was essentially looking after two young children alone and working at the time (because DH was abroad for long periods) and I still spend a lot of time doing things with my DC. OK, I don't play a lot of football with them now, but how many younger parents do that either?

Weigh everything up, and do what is right for you and your family.

I had miscarriages when I was 38/39. My obs put me on progesterone and 75mg asprin when I conceived again just before I turned 40. Now I don't know whether this made a difference, but that pregnancy was successful. Might be worth speaking to an obs.

How does your DH feel about this? Is he equally onboard? That’s so important.

Predictive text, it should say alluding to being 60

I'm presuming all the comments eluding to being 60 and unable to join in with their childrens physical activity are made by under 40s. They can't envisage there are people in the 60s-70s age groups who run marathons for charity, do wild swimming,play tennis etc. I agree it depends on the individual & how fit & healthy they are but the same goes for people half their age who may be heavy smokers, drink too much & are obese. You can't generalise & place all older people in the same category which seems to be happening in this thread.

You say yourself you have a big extended family so there's already plenty people for your child to call family and by the time you pass, there's a high chance your son will have their own family and partner.

Not all siblings get on and I don't get why people get so obsessed about their child being "alone" when they die. Siblings aren't the only meaningful connections people have in their life. Only children don't just walk about the planet alone and isolated. He'll make connections through his life that will sustain when you pass.

This isn't about your child. It's about your own needs and some deluded fantasy about being this perfect family of four.

No I wouldn’t. No ‘ifs’.

Personally I wouldn't. I was 38 when I had my second and the difference between that and 34 when had my first was substantially noticeable. And I'll be honest I know having a baby is a selfish act anyway but feel anyone having one at nearly 50 are not thinking about the childs future properly? You might be 60 when its 10?! I have a 10 year old now at 48 and thats hard enough work on the body and mind! both my mother who is 70 and my mil who is 65 have got age related arthritis and struggle to walk. You would be the same age as most of the other childrens grandparents. It just doesn't sit right with me. I feel bad now that my children may not have me for long and that I myself should've thought about this when trying for my second and should've just stuck with 1.

Agree with this. And OP will be nearly 70 when child is 21. That is too old, irrespective of how fit and active the parents may be.

Were the causes of your previous miscarriages found? I really fear you will build yourself up a lot for a massive disappointment - and you will put your body, your emotions and your relationships through a huge strain.

But you are only responding to people being positive cheer leaders so I guess that is all you want to hear.

It’s unlikely the op will have a child at 47, more likely 48/49 especially needing intervention. And as I said, most people have a decline before they die. Is it fair expecting a 20 something year old having to give old age care to a parent? And that’s great to hear for your mum but it’s not always typical.

That's lovely😊

This although I was 41 and went into menopause about a year later. Was awful. I had mine at 34 and 41, if I had been given a choice I would have had them at 25 and 27.

So that would make OPs child 33 if she died at 80. That's not exactly leaving young children behind. You can't generalise. Look at Lulu with her final concerts at 75. My mother was as fit as a fiddle into her 80s. She loved dancing and was always one of the first up on the floor as was my father.

@1dayatathyme It’s not ancient, but my Mum was dead by then so I’m glad that I wasn’t a teenager. Not everyone makes it to their 80’s. 🤷

My brother is almost 10 yrs younger than me. I loved mothering him.At this stage of life he is now more like a big brother. My mother gave birth to him at 48. She was as fit as a fiddle well into her 80s.

No, not ancient. But let’s not delude ourselves that it’s not old. The average lifespan is around 80 years old, that’s only 13 years away from 67. And most people aren’t sprightly and youthful until the moment they drop dead, it’s a slow decline over several years for most. Just because the government would like us all to work until we pop, or medicine can keep us running longer despite nature telling us it’s time to slow down, doesn’t magically make 67 the new 40s.

And of course we must remember 67 is absolutely ancient 🙄

💯 %Yes! I had my kid at this age, and I'm very fit. I had a healthy pregnancy and exercised until the last week before giving birth. Now, I have a teen, and we are very close. She has her friends around, and we travel together. My age has never been a problem.
Nobody would say a word if it was a man's post asking if it was okay to be a dad at a certain age.
Do what your heart tells you, and do not worry about other people's opinions.

It sounds like it's what you really want and you're looking for permission to do it. I would write down all the worst possible (likely, age-related - all pregnancies are risky, of course) risks you can think of and think really carefully about whether you could cope with each one. Think about what might happen with your teenager in all these scenarios, too. And try to be realistic despite your genuine and deep longing. If you know you can cope with all of these things (as much as anyone could), try it once. If you don't become pregnant or you decide you couldn't cope with some of these scenarios (others have listed several risks but you could probably think of more), get a dog instead. Or think about childminding until you might, perhaps, have a grandchild. That's what I'd do, anyway. I'm 46 and regret not having a second when I was 35/36 but not so much that I'd try for a second, because all the potential risks stopped me. I am planning a future dog, but not until my child (13) is maybe 23...