Art class before family trip

Yes, I know! That is why I said it. The trip is essential though, we have to do it tomorrow for very important and formal reasons

Sure, but HOW you do it is flexible though. I just can’t understand why you don’t drop your DD at art class at 9am, have breakfast in a cafe with your DH. Pick DD up from class when it finishes at 11am. Then set off on your trip. According to your logistics, you will get there around 1.30pm. So have a late lunch upon arrival. Then pick up what you need to pick up or do, do some more shopping if you want. Leave at 4.30pm, get home at 7pm, have dinner. Then relax for the night.

How can any of this possibly be hard?

Why would you make a 5yo miss a much wanted class just so you can pander to a sulky adult having a tantrum. No idea how you can find that attractive and sleep with him to be honest.

Don't be so fucking rude to me.

I misread one section about who was needed for going shopping.

They signed her up because he didn't disagree at the time. It's also mum's decision because he isn't the bio father.

Mum suggested the cafe as a one off compromise to husband so that dd should do her class before shopping. She doesn't go every week.

Can't you read? How hard is it to understand.

Can't you read - he didn't sign her up to a 2 hour art class her mum did and he doesn't particularly want to go shopping the mum does he's just going along so he can spend time with them!
The mum signed the daughter up to a 2 hour art class so that she could have a peaceful breakfast at a nice cafe every Saturday
How hard is that to understand?

You're right. I misread.

@CosyLemur if he was so keen for time with her then he wouldn't have signed her up to the 2 hour art class. He just prefers more time out shopping.

I read the OP and immediately thought “this isn’t his daughter.”

Fuck this bollocks. I would say she’s going to the full class and you can set off at 11.

He sounds like a sulky little bully.

Except the whole trip is for her and her DD, he doesn't need to do anything. He's just going along to spend time with them both before he leaves for 3 weeks!

He doesn't need to go shopping, it's OP and her DD that need to go shopping - he's going along so he can spend time with his family!

Does he have to leave early on Sunday? Is there a chance that there will be delays as you're taking a train and a ferry that would mean he couldn't go?
He wants to spend all day with you both missing an art class for one week won't really matter, she's honestly not going to remember her hobbies when she's older - she will however remember times she's spent with her family!

To clarify my 'five minutes' comment, I know you're married and have been for two years, but seeing as your child is only five, it does seem as if your relationship has been quite rushed, and it's very worrying that he's still showing resentment of her and pushing to come first with you (before a 5yo child!).
I'd go as far as to say that I don't think your daughter is safe while you are with him. Certainly not emotionally.

The more you post, the worse he sounds. Your daughter is 5. That's tiny, OP. She comes first, always. And instead you're bending over backwards to placate a grown man you've been with five minutes, who isn't afraid to show you he's jealous of a five-year-old child.

If this was me and I'd somehow managed to get into this mess, I'd be drawing a very hard boundary now. 'No. She's five, it's her second class, she goes. You need to understand that my child comes first. If you can't live with that, then we can't continue to be together.'

I mean if he really wanted to leave earlier and have the whole day together he could just say so and state his reasons like an adult and you would have a mature discussion about it.
Instead he chooses to sulk like a giant man-baby.
This sounds like controlling behaviour to me.
Either that or he is having other emotional/mental health issues.
Ask him ‘do you want to tell me what is really going on here?’

I thought it was OP and her dd who needed to go, not him?

Massive red flags that as her step dad he complains she always comes first. He shouldn't have married someone with children then. And this is going to create issues when she is older and can see that's how he feels about her.

Also seems red flags he sulks that much about something so trivial. Although as I always tell my husband when stressed, it's not just about that last thing that upset me, it's a build up, so he probably wasn't really awake all night JUST because of that.

However, I'm amazed at all the people saying of course she should do the class. If I was travelling that far for a day I'd want to make day of it not wait until after 11 to leave. And if I was already having to go that far the day before travelling for 3 weeks and presumably all the packing and last minute arrangements that entails, the last thing I'd want is an extra thing added to the day as well. So I can see why he didn't want to do that. After all as I understand it you are doing this because you and dd need to go to that place on that day anyway, not as a favour to him. You've decided he should come to have quality time together before he goes, but he probably feels if you add more things on it becomes more about rushing around fitting stuff for your daughter in, not quality time.

So I supppose I'm saying I don't disagree with him not wanting her to go to what sounds like something she will do every week anyway after this when you have planned a day out and he is already having a busy weekend, but the reasons and the way he has acted about it are very worrying.

Of course your daughter comes first, for you, almost all of the time - and always has to be considered when you make most decisions whether as a parent or a couple - she can’t make her own decisions or fend for herself age 5 can she?!

Who else will put her first?

It comes with the territory of having a child and your DH should not have married you if he couldn’t see that your child would need to have her needs considered by you, her biological parent, ahead of his, an independent adult, quite a bit.

and your plan tomorrow does involve spending time together. Cafe breakfast the 2 of you while DD does her class, then head off for an adventure all together. An errand plus lunch and shopping involving a ferry and a train sounds like a good way to just hang out spending time as a family.

staying awake all night because hebis angry is controlling and over the top. If he wanted to enjoy the independence that comes with your kids being adult and having left home, he shouldn’t have married you (sorry).

"We" don't have to do anything. He needs to go and he should have planned his time better.

Not so stressed that he can't go recreational shopping though 🙄 what a dick.

She's 5, her thing has been scheduled already, she shouldn't have to miss any if her class so he can have you to go shopping. Its his needs trumping hers.

A FAMILY would take her to art class, adults go for a coffee or brunch, pick her up, give her a sandwich in the car on the way, shop and finish and then go for a burger on the way home together.

He is being so selfish, wanting to basically be husband and wife and pushing her her. In hisneyes, SHE has to compromise, not him. SHE is the problem. That's why he's really angry.

Because despite playing happy families to won you over, it's now a bit tedious doing the family thing all over again woth a younger woman. Fuck him.

It’s like a massive massive red flag for me, the size of a lake.
He is very unreasonable in his attitude towards DD and towards the minor issue about the class. It’s not about missing the class or not at all. It’s about competing for attention with 5 y.o. !!!
Ffs what kind of person you should be to react like this? He is not a good man, OP, sorry, he is not stressed he is selfish he wants a different life, carefree, which is up to him by the way but he should have been honest with you from the start. You can’t give him that kind of life, you have your daughter and have to think about her.
I hope you use good contraception.

In two minds.

If it was me, I'd have planned from the first for her to do the art class then pick her up and drive straight on. I'd have said that right from the start of planning

But dh has a particular thing he does at the weekends which happens come hell or high water and it is at times very frustrating. The number of times we've come back early for something, or left late because he feels he "made a commitment so must go" irritates me. Yes, I understand commitment, but when it feels that we are never able to have a full weekend off, it becomes intrusive.
So if you're always producing something he has to work round I can understand the frustration.

A grown man being jealous of your time with your actual daughter, plus the massive overreaction which is training you not to challenge him again are really quite large red flags

That sounds fine as long as it’s after the art class

How long have you known him?

He’s an idiot. He wants quality time with you before he leaves. But because it’s not entirely on his terms he’s fallen out with you this meaning the time before he heads off is now awful, stressful and hurtful. Right, very logical.

Obviously he is pushing for him to be the centre of your world. It’s not going to be. So either he accepts that, apologies profusely or …….its not going to work.

Is this the first time? Or has he been building up to this?