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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if this sounds true? Custody issue

29 replies

orangeyfox · 20/09/2024 08:40

I have a cousin who has three children, two of which are with her most recent ex. According to her, her ex has taken them to his mums and won't physically let her see them. She says that because she has pressed assault and abuse charges against him, she's been advised not to go to his mums, but she says the police refuse to send an officer with her to help physically get them. She says she still has parental responsibility but her solicitor has advised her that due to her having a criminal case against him, it could take 1-3 years until she sees them back in her care. In her mind, she's not seeing them for 1-3 years. Does this sound true for cases like this? To me it seems far too long. She said social visited him and had no concerns about him but she's pressed these charges so feels they should be with her. The reason I don't instantly believe her is that she does have a lying issue due to adoption trauma and I try to be as sympathetic as possible due to this and have been nothing but supportive emotionally to her and haven't questioned the validity of this once, however she lost custody of her first child due to not being capable and at the time maintained that everything was fine and there was no reason for her first Dc not to be with her. She lied to us then about the circumstances. I want to be as supportive as I can be, but it feels futile if she's not being honest. AIBU to ask if this sounds legitimate time wise and the fact that they haven't been returned to her care via court order or police? I feel so sorry for her Sad

OP posts:
orangeyfox · 20/09/2024 08:58

@Pieandchips999 that's exactly what I thought re abuse perpetrator, why would they leave children in his care if he's potentially done this?

OP posts:
orangeyfox · 20/09/2024 08:56

@CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate I definitely agree re believing it herself; she definitely does and I think that she is a victim in some way. Her life even post adoption was hard so I feel really sorry for her.

OP posts:
CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 20/09/2024 08:46

Assuming they both have parental responsibility the police wouldn't get involved with removing a child unless there was a court order.

A solicitor probably wouldn't tell her she won't see her kids for a few years though, they would try and get to court quickly for some sort of emergency order as there has been violence involved.

It sounds like a scenario with small elements of truth that she has embellished a lot to make herself look like a victim. She might even believe it herself.

Pieandchips999 · 20/09/2024 08:44

This doesn't make any sense. If someone who is a domestic abuse perpetrator has retained their child without the other parents consent it would need a court hearing rather than the police. However this could be resolved on an urgent basis and it would be really unusual for there to be no contact. The timescale she is talking about is much more common for someone who has lost care of their children to welfare concerns to be told their have any chance of getting their child back