To ask if everything collapses at 40?

Vitamin d, some weights (20 mins at home every other day), no drinking in the week, 7-8 hours sleep, good diet in the week. These things will help.

I would feel appalling and would hate my life if I drank wine (or any alcohol) every night. That’s expensive, hugely calorific, dehydrates you, makes you look and feel dreadful including your teeth, skin and hair, and it’s a depressant. Nearly every problem you’ve listed could be at least partly addressed by stopping that. Does your husband drink a lot too? Again, if me and my husband both drank all the time we’d be the worst versions of ourselves and hate each other. I’d focus on no alcohol and sleep first, and get yourself in the best place to tackle the debt and relationship issues.

I'm 44 and have a rare disease and on the whole I'm not falling apart. Tired but not falling apart.

Some suggestions
Eat more protein
Strength train
Walk 7.5k-10k steps
Eat more fibre and micro nutrients from fruit and veg
Follow some people you admire
Personal one, getting my colours done professionally
Oral hygiene
Look after your senses - what you read, listen to, how you care for your skin, how you move etc., sleep for emotional regulation and memory etc., all needs a bit more intentional / conscious
Stretch routine
Get CBT for negative thinking

Dr Chaterjee books are good, Zoe Nutrition podcasts, Davina McCall is a good example. Anyone that focuses on positive mindset.

It doesn't all happen overnight, I've been making incremental changes since mid 30s. It's the foundation for your life in your 50s and beyond, so think long term. Consistency is key.

You've had some great advice on here, but one thing I've not seen......buy new jeans if you've got a roll over the top!

Clothes should fit you, not the other way round, and yes you don't want to just constantly buy the next size up then the next then the next, but body shape can change over time and even if you just temporarily buy a relatively inexpensive pair of jeans that don't give you a roll of fat over the top you're bound to feel better!!!

I don't feel like this in my 40's.

I'm overweight but that's been an issue my whole adult life. I get tired easily but that's been eased by increasing exercise which has helped with aches and pains.

I joined a fancy health club at a posh hotel at the start of the year and it's been very good for me. I've had to really work to carve the time out but I'm now doing body pump x 2 and swimming once a week. I'm stronger, fitter and my cholesterol has gone back to normal. I do a hair mask every week after swimming and have ten minutes in the jacuzzi (all at 7am mind to create the time)

I do drink but only when socialising. I think that helps. I eat loads of fruit and veg. I'm terrible with sugar hence the weight. My skin is nice through which I guess is helped by fruit and veg.

I have a dog so get plenty of fresh air. He is such a delight to me and has brought DH and I closer because we have something that doesn't cause any worry or stress I like our children!

My life is just work - kids but I'm mostly enjoying work, I'm in a senior position I secured 2.5 years ago that I've had my eye on for a long time. I try to work something nice into the running after kids... E.g, listening to my audiobook when driving them about.

I wish my house was tidier but you can only do so much.

You sound really down... your post suggests your husband is a big factor but that's also a big thing to change. I'd start by looking to make some small changes... find some easy to fit in hobbies, get some more fresh air, cut down on alcohol, spend more time with friends and less time with your husband, get some beauty items you can easily work into your day.

I hope things improve OP. In the longer term I think you are going to have to consider whether you want to stay in your marriage.

It's not a line in the sand though. I think most actually has a point where either life or their genetics or a combination of both causes a sudden decline in health and appearance. I'm 48 and it's been the last 18 months for me. Some tough teen related stuff to deal with and probably peri and my eating habits are fucked. I don't eat crap I just don't eat proper meals and certainly have been drinking too much until recently. An extra one and half stone on top of the couple extra I always carried but didn't mind has pushed me into aching feet, under boob rashes, up a dress size. I barely ever look in the mirror and actively avoid catching my reflection in windows etc. I was in better shape as a recently divorced mother of toddlers for sure.
OP I do echo what others have said. Tackle one thing at a time, swap wine for gin or vodka and tonic if you can't or don't want to cut it out completely, then reduce the spirit til it's just tonic.
A vitamin plus water will help. If you start to feel better and more confident in yourself you may decide to address the bigger issue of your marriage. There are definitely worse things than being alone.

40s can be a tough decade because of perimenopause - once oestrogen production becomes unstable, the brain produces a raft of other hormones to compensate that cause a wide variety of health and comfort problems.

I’d strongly advise educating yourself about it. There are great books now, and podcasts if you’ve no time to read. It’s a time to start making better decisions about lifestyle because you’ll feel the effects, good and bad, of every decision in a way you didn’t in your 20s.

The spare tyre is a tell tale sign that oestrogen is on the decline. Belly fat contains a type of oestrogen and your body is prioritising its stores. You won’t easily diet or exercise it away (although hrt can help) But it’s a good time to adopt a healthier, protein and calcium rich diet, and start exercising to build muscle and bone health for healthy aging.

Definitely drop the week day wine and the husband. If you want to be single then you can be. Don’t draw out a dead relationship. Start losing weight and you’ll feel better, calorie counting is the best way in my opinion and increase your steps.

Take a look a the ordinary skincare range, they have recently launched a body care range.

Have a glass of wine as a treat at the weekend rather than every night. If you can't drink water, try herbal tea instead. You need to keep hydrated.

Take one step at a time though, you can't fix everything overnight!

I have been getting up at 4.45am for 20 years and I am 40.....nothing has collapsed yet!!!
Swap the wine for water/squash during the week and save the wine for a weekend treat.
Visit the GP about the acne and get the correct treatment for it.
Get yourself a nice thick facial moisturizer (usually marketed as 'night' cream) and use it on clean skin twice a day.
I agree with others that if the tooth is far back enough get it removed.
I mean this kindly but it doesn't sound like your problems are age related, more like 'you have let yourself go' (hate that phrase but you know what I mean!). A little bit of effort will give you some great results.

Sympathy from me too OP

Funny I had lunch with a colleague yesterday and we covered - peri menopause, weight gain and similar!

You are not alone!!

I fall asleep every night at 8 usually. I can get 10 hours and still be tired! I tried the 5am club - once!!

Drinking wine at night will mess up your sleep pattern. I'd suggest giving up the wine or limiting it to one glass, with lunch, at weekends. Also limit coffee to one a day and not after mid-afternoon.

I also definitely don't feel like this at 40 and I'm not the thinnest I've ever been. You really need to make time to look after yourself.

Why on earth are you trying to get up at 5am if you don't need to. I'd feel like shit too

I am in my 60s and don't feel like that but l don't drink at home and that really helps. I will have a glass of wine if out for dinner or on holidays. Stopping the wine at home will improve your life immensely even if you do nothing else.
Boots do a supplement called The Complete Woman which l took all through 40/ 50s and found it helped energy wise etc.
Exercise was the biggest lifter of my mood. Just even a 15 minute walk to tstart and some weights at home with a utube video. You are young compared to me so make the best of these years and you will feel better.

I'm 47 and don't feel like this. I made a couple of changes intentionally and some just came about and I feel younger and look better than 7 years ago.

I went back on the contraceptive pill which calmed my skin and sorted my periods. I don't get the PMS fatigue either.

I barely drink anymore. Wine makes you put on and hold onto weight as it's sugary. The alcohol wears you out and makes you permanently tired. Ditch it!

I exercise in a class one or twice a week and try and walk each day.

If you have a stressful job, try and change it.

Sorry about your tooth, you must get that fixed if you can, it will only get worse and will harbor bacteria which can sicken you.

Hopefully some of that advice helps.

Cut back on the wine and stop the 5am starts!!
Find time for yourself - if you want to read and garden then make time to do that.

Oh yeah, and drink more water! It really does help.

I was you!
This is what worked for me:

• I retrained for a new career - law to teaching. It just gave me a new boost. Not for everyone and I’m not recommending retraining, but finding something that can motivate helps.
• I started following Dave Ramsey money makeover religiously.
• I quit alcohol.
• I took ozempic for 3 months which started my weight loss. I’ve lost more since stopping and have maintained the lower weight for 2 years.
• I started running. Walking first and gradually building up. Ironically it gave me more energy.
• My libido returned. It still ebbs and flows but I think a lot of that is because I’ve been with the same partner for over 25 years and the novelty wears off. Luckily my DH is so understanding and has never moaned or pressured me.

I am not for a second recommending any of this for you to do as what works for me won’t work for everyone, but what I do suggest is taking some time (if you find any!) and just noting down what direction you want your life to take, what small steps can help you get there etc etc. We only get one crack at this so I hope you can find what you need to bring some joy into your life. You deserve it. Sending hugs x

Op it's not your age I'm only 4 years behind you and I feel great. You need to tackle these issues one at a time.

Alcholic is crap. It makes your skin crap. It makes you bloated. It makes you eat more as it's causes your blood sugar to go all over the place and has an impact for even days after. You need to stay sober for about 2 months to feel full benefits. You don't have to just drink water, drink low calorie sugar free squash, drink tea and coffee but don't add sugar. Sugar wrecks your skin and energy levels.

You will lose weight just from not drinking at the start would be my guess. When you do it's a good idea to use the motivation to start ti tune up your diet. I did this, quit drinking, lost weight, decided to watch what I ate, then I started doing yoga. And now I'm gym fit with abs. That seemed a million miles away to me at the start, but just do one thing at a time. I promise the drinking is ruining your sleep as well as sucking your energy. Start with that.

If you want to be single you can be haha.

With the tooth, overseas dentistry gets a bad rep but I've had amazing dental work done at private clinics in Poland for a fraction of the cost of here. If it's a root canal you need, or something similar, you won't get botched going to an overseas dentist with a good reputation and it will cost about 200 to 300 quid max. Cheap flights ryanair are a bit rough but they can be as cheap as 20 quid each direction and it's such a short flight it hardly matters. Go and make a weekend of it. I've never felt bad enough after dental treatment for it to ruin my day, you would be able to go to the museum the theatre etc. leave kids with dh.

Get on the iron supplements and b vitamins complex. All of them. Every woman I know is low on b vitamins. If I don't take mine I get angular chillitis and patches on my tongue, feel like crap and my knees hurt which makes exercise harder. I was feeling dizzy and unwell a lot. I felt better immediately when I started the b vitamins.

I often think that even when I feel crap if I do something nice for myself I 'scrub up well' I probably look exactly the same but it boosts my self esteem. Long bath, hair mask, paint toe nails, tidy up eyebrows. Gua sha which is like a fancy face massage you do yourself, it feels really nice and makes my skin less puffy and is good for lymphatic drainage. Use a nice face cream with it. Wear something that you feel good in, I get in ruts where I get in a pair of joggers and just give up on life, take the joggers off and tidy myself up and I realise it was mostly in my head.

Take a bit more time for yourself. Do things you enjoy, that makes you feel good.

But instead I look like a state - slugging wine, looking at Instagram with crumbling teeth!!

^

Sorry but this made me laugh. You have my sympathy

Definitely try and improve your diet op... Start with more water

No advice but sympathy! I had 2 kids just before 40 so I'm 41 and wondering if it's just being in the toddler stage or if it's what life will be like from now on. I'm exhausted and have been falling asleep at 8pm. I'm "not fat" (as the GP put it 😆) but sitting on the cusp. I have twinges in a couple of teeth which I would get sorted if we had more money.

I've not resigned myself to it yet though! I've just started a push to lose weight (salads for lunch, no biscuits, stairs at work), get my low iron/ tiredness under control, and get a promotion/ pay rise so we can afford a bit more.

Oh yes, I would also be knackered if I was up at 5am!

I think the late 30s and 40s can be tricky with declining hormones and all that goes with it but it isn't an inevitability. Go and see your GP. Ask to have your thyroid levels checked because hypothyroidism could explain some of your symptoms. I am 52 now and feel much healthier than I was at 42. Small changes - better diet, less drinking, less driving, more walking. Unfortunately nothing will get better if you do nothing differently.
I imagine £1800 is to save the tooth. If it is a back molar you can have it removed for less money and save for an implant later.

I'd also try to get the tooth sorted if that's causing you constant pain that will make everything really hard. £1800 sounds a lot, is that for a crown? I'd ring around some private dentists and see if there is someone cheaper (although try to get some recommendations so you know they are decent!). If it's a tooth right at the back is it worth considering an extraction? That will de much cheaper.

Stop getting up at 5AM for a start. The absolutely most important thing health is sleep so start with making sure you are getting enough of that.