To ask if everything collapses at 40?

I love having beer and wine in the evening. Love the taste, love the feeling. I feel shit the next day now and knew I needed to drink on fewer days so the last four-six weeks or so have really reduced how much I am drinking and how often. The most noticeable change is to my skin, my face is less puffy, brighter and more 'elastic'. My eyelids looked droopy after a lot of alcohol! I am 39 and my skin is quite nice but reducing alcohol and early made me look better. It really is such a simple change.

And yes, if you are not enjoying getting up at 5am stop it!

I’m 45 and don’t feel like this… You’re probably not going to want to hear this @GruandDrew but you need to cut down on the daily drinking! I used to drink every day but after DM died, I had a period of reevaluation and made some changes having hit the bottle a bit too hard… I now only drink at the weekends, and I’ve started to volunteer to drive at least half the time ie I’m driving tonight to have supper with friends and to the cinema Sunday night. I lost half a stone without even trying just from reducing the alcohol intake. Also means fewer hangovers which need delicious carbs 🤣🙈.

If you are dehydrated - which you are - your body holds onto fluids and you put on weight, you need to drink water or diluted juice. Try to drink 2-3 litres a day. I have 4 x 500ml bottles of water on my desk and aim to drink them before I leave work. I think the smaller bottles make it easier to drink as it doesn't look that much. Anything I drink after that is a bonus. Your body needs hydration to work properly, I know because I was you.

Try to cut down on the wine - this is contributing to everything going on, your skin, your libido, your waist, hair, eyes.

Start having 1 night less a week on the wine. Instead of having wine go for a walk round the block. And walking is one of the best exercises for weightloss. Combine this with a little less wine and a lot more water and you will start to notice the difference.

Debts, have a look on the step change website for help.

And most of all take some time for yourself. My OH says I'm like a teenager sometimes cause I spend so much time in my bedroom. It's like my 'safe place', i disappear up there to binge watch repeats of old shows, sit and read, give my self a pamper session/face mask or just lay there and be quiet. I have nice throws, cushions and blankets and I can relax up there and most importantly - close the door.

The best thing I ever did for myself was cut back on drinking and I do not miss it because I got my energy and myself back. I hated being 40 but I love being 44 now for this main reason. I wasn’t adding to my life by keep drinking it wasn’t reliving any stress and it wasn’t a reward anymore. I reached out to an online stop drinking coach and had a few sessions - it wasn’t AA (I will try find out I think it was my local mental health service advertised on their website an alcohol service) and she just chatted to me and we set some goals and I felt like I had no judgement and over a few weeks I cut down more and more until now, I really just don’t miss it or think about it. I did replace it with exercise, mostly walking.

My skin completely changed! I do use collagen serum from boots but I look very different with no alcohol. My hair and nails grow nicer now too and I get good sleep.

believe in yourself ❤️

I agree that you need to stop drinking wine “most evenings”. Save it for the weekends at least. I would have horrendous, skin crawling anxiety (also around 40) if I drank wine every day.

Get the tooth out. You will always feel run down if you have a bad tooth.

Speak to the GP about skin and pelvic floor, you probably need to be referred to a physio

Training hospitals do free fillings.

Could you look at that air-up drink bottle? I seems to help kids drink more.

Also I know an other poster means well suggesting juice but it’s mildly acidic and will cause more tooth decay over time. It really must be just water or tea or coffee.

Your tooth crumbling could be a sigh of low estrogen and calcium absorption. Tooth loss becomes more common in women as we age. Take this really seriously as it’s a warning sign of trouble further down the road.

University dental hospitals will sometimes do free treatment. It’s worth calling any number you can find online to see if they may be able to help you for free.

Unfortunately good quality dentistry is extremely expensive.

Stop drinking wine at night. This would be your biggest change in feeling good again, alcohol is so draining when it becomes habitual and nightly like this. Instead of being fun it slowly starts to incapacitate you to the point of lethargy and numbness.

You may be drinking because if your DH and the whole situation. Is there any budget for counselling?

The money you save on wine could be put towards counselling.

Often when we’re down in the dumps it’s at times like this that paid professionals can make all the difference. Personal trainer, counselling, a good dentist.

You need overall help to get out of the rut.

the middle tyre is also a sign of changing hormones and decline overall. You say you eat well but I hear a lot of people say that.

Go to the doctor at ask for a well person check up. Ask for ferritin and b12 as you’ve been feeling very tired. They should run a battery of blood tests to check everything. You can request this on the nhs once you reach 40.

Look at the Zoe nutrition channel on YouTube, a ton of free advice on there.

Finally look at Caroline Girvan’s Iron series on YouTube.

30 mins x 5 per week. Start with body weight only if it’s too hard, you will start to notice a difference if you’re consistent, really quite quickly. Join the Facebook group and see the amazing results and quit sodding Instagram. 5am starts are only worth it for a Caroline Girvan workout on my opinion. Otherwise good sleep is your friend!

I felt pretty rubbish late 30's early 40's but am now pushing 50 and feel amazing. You need to focus on you. With me it was putting everything into the kids. Carve out time for you and you DH. Don't eat crap. Exercise and make time for self care. I even bought myself a few new clothes off eBay. The kids will benefit too.

Im 42 OP and feeling quite good after feeling like shit from 40 with back pain, shit sleep, also crumbling teeth! I've dragged myself off daily wine, using lo/no booze substitutes and sparkling water from soda stream. I now drink when there's an occasion but have no easy access wine in the house. Sleep snd appearance have improved and I've lost weight. I bought a 10k kettle bell weight and do a bunch of squats, lunges, lifts or around the worlds with it most mornings while waiting for the kettle to boil. 5 mins max and I can see the difference plus back no longer hurts.

Spend on the tooth if you can. I sucked up the hit of £1k of dental work earlier this year and the difference is huge. Sore teeth get you down..

Finally, I've been eating more protein and even more important - fibre! Beans, lentils, whatever pulses i can get my hands on. Tinned stuff, nothing fancy. It's really helping my digestion.

I'm lazy as fuck and love my food and wine so these little easy changes work best for me.

STOP looking at Instagram, seriously just delete the app, it’s a great first step to feeling better.

It’s fantastic you’ve already set yourself some goals - I would love to be single, 2 stone lighter, work a bit less, and just read books and garden.

Now all you need is an actionable plan to achieve them.

Be single - what’s stopping you? You need to just get on with it and remove/address any barriers you are facing.

2 stone lighter - cut out the wine for the time being, you’ll sleep better and you’ll eat better in general if you sleep better. If you really want a wine then stick to a glass 1-2 nights a week but just be aware it will affect your sleep quality. TRIP do adaptogenic soft drinks that are a nice alternative to alcohol and actually help you to sleep better. Address how many calories you are eating and remove all CRAP from the house. Eat 3 meals and 1-2 snacks a day. Include protein in each meal which will keep your blood sugars level and prevent cravings for CRAP. Start walking everywhere - with/without the kids. Walk when the kids are in bed (a walking pad in the house is great for this and for winter - they are not that expensive to buy). Buy a 500ml bottle and fill it 4 times a day, when you wake up and after each meal, aim to drink the full bottle before your next meal. Other exercise can come later.

Work a bit less - similar to being single workout what’s stopping you and address it.

Read books - read every night before bed it’ll help your sleep which in turn will help your diet, mood, energy levels - everything!!!

Garden - just do it!! Get the kids involved!!!

From what you say you need to reduce the drink (1-2 days per week max) eat a good diet, multi vitamin supplements, water to drink, simple skin care regime (Aldi products are fine), get your debts under control (stepchange is good if you need help, the spreadsheet self help if not too serious) and a trip to the gp to make sure you haven't got a vitamin deficiency etc.

It's possible to not only get through this blip but thrive, I was like you, now life is amazing (new man helps)

Drinking wine every night and getting up at 5am no wonder you are fed up and knackered!
one small change, cutting out the wine will do you the world of good

If you do anything at all, stop drinking. It’s a gamer changer. Your skin , mood, sleep, motivation and energy will improve. Not immediately but it will improve.

How old are your kids? Mine are 5 and 2 and I feel like this too. Because my youngest still doesn't sleep properly and I work full time and don't have much time to exercise.

I've come to the realisation that there will ALWAYS be something else to do apart from looking after yourself. Working from home? Better hang up the washing during lunch break. Got 5 minutes after the school run? Take the bins out. And for the 45 minutes after the kids are asleep I am too brain dead to do anything but look at Mumsnet while we watch TV.

I guess the solution is prioritising yourself over others some of the time which feels inherently selfish but is the only way to keep hold of your health and your looks.

Dentistry should be at the top of your list as it's medical rather than cosmetic, but then yes small things like drinking water, getting your step count up, waxing your eyebrows, these things all make a difference.

I think the mindset shift has to happen first. Treat yourself like your own child. Put yourself first at least once a day ❤️

A year ago I was drinking a big glass or two of wine most nights. I wouldn’t have wanted to hear ‘oh cut alcohol out it will make you feel so much better’ - I thought people were exaggerating. Then I did dry January and just carried on and very rarely have a drink while in the house anymore. I feel so much better for it. My skin cleared up for the first time in forever and now on the odd night that I have a glass of wine I feel more tired the next day.
I would say to start OP stop the alcohol, and get your steps in.

I feel like this and it has only gotten worse for me. I’m now 48 and just feel like I’m pathetic and dying. My only reason to be is my children. My life is just stress from the moment I wake until bed, then sleepless nights. Life is shit and I often think I never signed up for this pressure. All the best op xx

Nobody is really doing a 5-9 as insta would have you believe.

I'd do less on your phone and no drinking because those are 2 things you dont have to do, rather than exercise or drinking water, which are things that require cognitive effort. Do you see what I mean? Not doing them doesn't ass to your TO DO list.

You could be peri. Or just generally in a cycle of doom because you aren't happy e.g. due to husband and wanting to split but feeling its out of your control.

I had a crumlbling tooth like this with the sharp but - for well over a year - I got it pulled out for £150 and it was the best day of my life. Dental problems are related to loads of other issues (I had the lecture from a friend and it was definitely persuasive). See if you can get your tooth pulled out. Also - when you’re up for giving it a go, try replacing the wine with something non-alcoholic - Annie grace’s ‘the alcohol is experiment’ is brilliant - gets you thinking about what booze is doing (or undoing) for you. Feeling better is cumulative and incremental so just do nice things for yourself whenever you decide to and it’ll grow.

Start off by cutting out alcohol and prioritising sleep. I hate all the ‘get up at the crack of dawn and be productive’ crap.

How old are your kids? It could be more about being in the parenting trenches than turning 40.

Definitely cut the wine out - treat yourself to posh squash, such as Rocks, instead.

Get the tooth removed- if it’s at the back no one will notice.

Start moving, even if it’s only dancing around the kitchen.

spend the wine money on some nice shampoo.

Im mid 50s and was a similar age when I decided to start taking care of myself. Now I feel fabulous, despite a few aches and pains.

I also began prioritising myself, and putting myself first. As Jillian Michaels says, if you’re not in a good position you can’t help others,

Good luck!

One thing at a time, honestly.

It's how I lost two stone & continued exercising regularly

The first thing I did was cut down the drinking. I've stopped altogether now, but i bought some nice soft drinks that were a treat instead of the wine.

You have to start looking after yourself.

Agree with PP, get the tooth removed. Worry about an implant later.

Don’t feel downhearted OP - I think most of us can relate to how you feel and the advice on here is what’s helped to move out of it. You are not alone.

I don’t have anything new to say but would reiterate NO (OR VERY LOW) SUGAR and TONS OF WATER. Having felt like you, I did those two things a few months ago and by now I feel exponentially better and much more equipped to tackle more self-care now like a better diet and some form of exercise.

All of these things take discipline and willpower so you need to find your motivator or treat/bribe to get you through.

I'd say it's the wine that's the biggest issue.

See a women's health physio for your pelvic floor issues.

Quit booze. Delete Instagram. Walk 10000 steps per day.

Stop drinking alcohol. You don't need it and it doesn't do you any favours as you get older. If you are using it as a crutch because of other issues, deal with them.

See the Dr for the health and skin stuff. You are most likely peri menopausal.

Address the problems with your husband. If you need to leave, do it sooner rather than later.

Sort the tooth out.