To ask if everything collapses at 40?

I’m same age and also feel like the wheels are coming off a bit. I’ve been trying to have a hot bath once a week to shave legs and improve circulation, put some nice moisturiser on afterwards. I think I could also do with a deep conditioning hair treatment (ideally a salon one although that feels crazy indulgent!). I think realistically you need to cut out the daily wine, you’re not 20 any more and that stuff has made me feel like crap for years. The 5am starts can be good for trying to stay on top of stuff but they won’t do your skin and hair any good as you sound exhausted. Easy win is a good multivitamin and some herbal teas.

Regarding your tooth - unless you need an implant or something this seems excessive. Did you go to a city dentist or something? I crown (incl. prep etc) at my private dentist will come to £800. Get another quote elsewhere.

For the acne I can recommend Acnecide cream. It contains hydrogen peroxide though, so only put it on before bed and don't mind if your PJs get a bit bleached. I had hormonal acne on my jaw line and this really helped prevent breakout.

Intermittent fasting is also very good for skin, hair and feeling overall lively etc. It's made the biggest difference for me.

I'm so gross. Falling apart. I would love to be single, 2 stone lighter, work a bit less, and just read books and garden. But instead I look like a state - slugging wine, looking at Instagram with crumbling teeth!!

But you are young!! Just 40 years old... Let me tell you, I'm 70 and life is good. I am super fit, very active and enjoy my life so very much. You can too! But you need to put in some effort, because if you don't change, nothing changes.

First, ditch the booze. No ifs, no buts. You will absolutely feel so much better, and you'll have the energy and the headspace to tackle everything else on your list.

Start eating healthily. Ditch sugar, refined
refined carbs and UPF. Eat lots of vegetables, moderate protein, some healthy fats and dairy. Two meals a day, no snacking other than a piece of fruit, a couple of carrots or a boiled egg if you're actually hungry. Your 2 stones will melt away in no time.

Start taking a daily multivitamin plus some vitamin D3 while you wait to see your GP. Ask for blood work to check whether you are deficient of iron or other essential minerals or vitamins. Also ask for a physio referral for your pelvic floor weakness.

Get your tooth sorted. Take out a loan or credit card or get it extracted.

Start exercising, even if it's just10 minutes a day. Check out Lucy Wyndham Read and Growingannanason YouTube. Do some stretches or jumping jacks or a plank while you're waiting for the kettle to boil.

Next look at Wikivorce and Divorce for Dummies and get rid of your husband. That'll lighten your load no end!

It's quite a list but if you make a small change once or twice a week, you'll get there eventually. Whereas if you don't do anything, you'll still sit on the sofa, slugging wine and looking at Instagram, et cetera, a year from now. 2 years, 3, 4......

And one day you'll be 70. Be brave!! It's so worth it.

Been there. Started the change by wanting to be my best self again.
Go see Dr for checkup...
Make some small changes... less wine. Bit of exercise. Start losing weight. Self care.. nice hair and nails. If you respect yourself others will do same.
My self care also involved divorcing arsehole husbands but each to their own.
Now in my 60's and 4 stone lighter and fitter and happier than ever before...

OP I really feel for you - my kids are the same age and it is tough. You’ve had so much good advice on this thread and I’ve found it really inspiring, so thank you to the other posters.

I have a pretty bad late night snacking habit and the only thing that has worked is not having it in the house. I used to eat a bar of Lindt chocolate every night and now I don’t. I manage to avoid sugar during the day so when I cut that out it made a big difference. I lost a couple of kg, sleep better and have more energy. I think some people can manage moderation but for me I just have to go cold turkey. I think if I were you I’d try that with the wine to start with. You will see effects quickly and then won’t want to ho back. Good luck!

Honestly the thing that stood out to me was the arsehole husband. If your relationship and home life is unhappy, everything else will suffer - that's probably where the feeling shit, drinking wine etc. is all stemming from. It sounds like you are trying to treat the symptoms rather than the illness iyswim?

What's the story with him - are you in a position to leave? Do you want to?

Avoiding carbs does WONDERS for skin complaints as it regulates hormones. My acne completely disappeared. It also helps reduce weight, especially around the middle.
Unfortunately wine has loads of carbs (but vodka doesn't so just drink a shot every half hour instead).

That sounds really hard - go easy on yourself. It's tough when kids are little.

I've slept better since I ditched the wine, and that in turn has a big effect on my food choices. When you're exhausted your body just wants the easy calories.

I’m 41 with a newborn and a toddler and I feel better than this! I also drink wine most days, but only a little. I drink LOTS of water (the squash, get a bottle and monitor intake) I eat very healthily and not right now but generally I do small bits of exercise regularly. My point is small changes you might feel much better. No one ever regrets exercise. Seeing green space is supposed to be really good for mental health - could you fit a brisk walk in a park / countryside?

No, OP.
Everything starts.

It’s fun - I’m 54 - I wake up with injuries from my sleep - usually a sore shoulder or knee!

last Saturday I roller painted 1 small wall - woke up with tennis elbow that’s still there!

and then there’s the mystery bruises 🙄

This gives me hope!

Op I was 40 last week. I was up last night every couple of hours with night sweats and sat at work today with the neck and shoulder aching.
I've also been quite down about 40

I turned 40 this year. In the past 12 months I’ve lost 3 stone, taken up strength training, given up alcohol and been promoted. I feel better than I have in years! I have 3 kids, one of whom is disabled, and I decided I wanted to feel better about myself so that I could be the active, non grumpy parent that they deserve. So no, I don’t think it’s all downhill, you just need to make some changes.

Bless you ❤️ there are a lot of good suggestions on here to make things better for you. I should get shot of the lousy husband though!

It's not inevitable, I'm 52 and feel really good. No weight gain and probably the fittest I've been in my life. I'd ditch the nightly wine and the 5am starts (why would you do that to yourself?).

I'd also get a plan to sort out the tooth - dental problems are miserable.

How old are the kids? I found everything got easier once children were older.

First and foremost, get rid of the arsehole. You won't have any libido with a man you don't like or respect. Once you've done this, you may find that you don't feel the need to drink wine every evening.

If you've serious toothache, call NHS 111 and they'll find you an emergency NHS appointment. You may have to travel a bit!

When you're single and more settled, you can start thinking about looking after yourself better. Without the wine, your skin will look better, and you'll shift a bit of weight. Get to the GP for the acne.

I'm mid fifties, and more settled in my head than I've ever been. I'm single by choice, and happily so. You're so so young with loads of years ahead of you, that have the potential to be wonderful. Go and grab them!

I think your first stop should be the GP for blood tests (esp thyroid, iron and vit D) plus advice about your pelvic floor. So many women struggle on with pelvic floor problems and just accept it but there is lots that can be done. Depending on the issue you may be referred to a women’s health physio- would hugely recommend this (and if private is affordable for you then I’d do that if necessary).

Cutting out alcohol will make a huge difference too.

Things shouldn’t all go wrong at 40 but it is an age where you have to take active steps to look after your health and fitness, unlike being 20 when it doesn’t take much thought. The sooner you start, the better.

In answer to your question, no, 40 is not an age at which the wheels come off, as long as you’re in good health generally. I was at my slimmest, strongest and most toned in my mid-40s - I felt brilliant and I’d have that body back in a heartbeat.

But in your case I don’t think this is 40 thing, OP, it’s a shit life thing.

You sound exhausted, broke, stressed and unsupported by your ‘occasional arsehole’ of a husband. Fixing your teeth or having a haircut won’t change any of that.

Physical fitness and a feeling of wellbeing depends more than anything on being able to carve time out for yourself to then do whatever benefits you most, whether that’s going to the gym or getting your nails done (or just going for a run and having a nice bath if money’s an issue). In your situation my priority would be to look for ways of creating that time. I hope you can.

Alcohol is the worst thing for women ( apart from cigarettes which make your skin 8 years older than it actually is). It's full of empty, pointless calories that sit right on your belly. It also wrecks your sleep, mucks up your skin and robs you of a productive evening ( that would mean you didn't have to get up at 5 am).
Exercise. It's fine once you start so make yourself just start. You really will feel so much better afterwards. If you drop the booze and pick up exercise ( I do Fabulous 50s on you tube. Works brilliantly for me at 59 but there are millions of options out there. The point is to do something you can face doing several times a week . Consistency is key) you will notice a change within a month. Then you can add another change and then another. Gardening is brilliant for the soul. It saved me after my father died. Put yourself first for a bit. It's allowed.

I'm a touch older and don't feel like you do.
I'd seriously stop the wine every night, I love wine but limit it to weekends only or I feel dreadful.
I keep my hair cut, I get fresh air every day and make sure I am eating ok.
See the gp about your acne. Take small steps but start to look after you! You'll feel better