To ask if everything collapses at 40?

Don’t buy the wine, don’t buy the Pringles.

If you want treats, do a savoury board of a nibbles of cheese, nuts and dried fruit for the evening.

Dairy and nuts don’t add calories like crisps do. Studies have shown that around a third of the fat in nuts can’t be absorbed. So they just flush out.

So many people avoid good fats because they think they’re fattening. But it’s carbs like crisps and wine that will load fat to your body instead of flushing it. They’re both pure carbs.

Read this thread from yesterday about ideas to change your diet possibly. A lot intermittent fast. I do too. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5168247-to-ask-what-you-eat-in-a-day-if-you-are-a-size-10-or-less?page=1

Did you ever love him/why did you get married.

I feel people are rushing a bit to ditch the husband. Obviously don’t tolerate abuse but could it be that he is also struggling in middle age with young kids.

My kids are 6 and 4, I know resentments can build up!

If you are in debt now how are you going to manage a divorce?

I’m nearly 41 and since I hit 40 I’ve felt progressively shit. I’m guessing it could be hormonal as my cycles have gone a bit strange - more mood swings, shorter cycle. I’m constantly exhausted but not bodily, almost like I’ve been given a sedative which makes me think it could be hormonal. I feel like I’m made of lead and have no get up and go. Fed up. Pretty healthy in other ways as I’m teetotal, healthy weight, diet needs improving a bit maybe.

Chicken Sausages and scrambled eggs 😋

OP can you try substituting things at the start, then it doesn't feel like you're depriving yourself. So instead of wine and pringles - switch to a sugar free spritzer (or something sweet and refreshing without all the calories and hangover) and some popcorn (still salty and crispy but with less calories and less additives) to wean yourself off.

It's always better to add nice things, than take things away. So add in some time for yourself - a nice gentle yoga class once a week, or a swim or something. You need to start valuing yourself - you are worth the effort.

Start with small changes and just build from there. Get outside and walk everyday if you can, then build up and do some sort of exercise - which I know seems counterintuitive if you're already exhausted - but it will help you sleep better and make you feel better overall.

Don't try and change too much at once you will feel overwhelmed and be likely to just give up. Make one change, get used to it, then a few weeks later, make another one.

Also, don't get up at 5am - that's ridiculous. Even push it to 6 or 6.30 to give your body and mind some rest. And get rid of the husband if he adds nothing to your life.

The acne I can fix - I get it in my chest esp in hot weather . Bioderma storm body wash it's really gentle but has antibacterial properties use it as your shower gel acne should clear right up x

I started feeling like this four years ago. Stressed, tired, long commute, wine and binge tv every evening. My hair started falling out and I would sit awake every night from 3-5 am.

I’ve made massive lifestyle changes, starting slowly but I kept at it. I’m 46 now and I’ve never felt better.

• sorted my weight and diet. I’ve never been overweight according to my BMI but I’m petite so I looked fat with puffy face, double chin and growing belly. I’m lean BMI now, eat at least 7 portions of vegetables and fruit every day, mostly plant-based and clean diet. It was much easier to cut the crap than I expected. I still have sweet treats once a week, just like my children (we do lördagsgodis because we are in Sweden).
• I run, outside. Started slowly and then built up to 25 km a week, my long Sunday run is me precious me time out in the woods. It’s just me in nature, sometimes I run into wild animals (a group of boars recently).
• no booze. I still drink: birthday, DH birthday, Midsommar. Will have max 1/4 of a bottle of wine in one go and we go for quality over quantity.
• picked up martial arts. Love it. Gives me enormous boost of confidence and energy. My son goes to his class and I go to mine instead of waiting for him.
• I train at home. Bought a Les Mills subscription and weights during the pandemic. I’ve had it now for three years and it’s great, my most utilised subscription.
• Not on social media. Waste of time
• I stopped watching Netflix series and sitting in front of tv. We got really into board games and socialising instead. I will still watch something with my family during the weekend but we do research beforehand and decide together what we want. It doesn’t have to be French cinema, we recently had a Cannon Films marathon 😅, but it’s something we plan and discuss - no more binge watching.
• Im outside every day, walking everywhere I can. Often hiking or cycling during weekends.

I realised my life is too short to waste it on feeling like something my cats dragged in. I also have a parent that’s disabled due to very poor lifestyle choices (type 2 diabetes with all possible complications) and I don’t want to follow the same path. I have young children and it’s also important that they see the parents modelling healthy behaviours.

Personally, I’ve been feeling dreadful and falling apart since my 40th last year. I’ve been doing all the “right” things with diet, no alcohol and exercise and it hasn’t helped in ten long months. Feeling like I may as well revert to my previous habits as at least they gave me temporary joy!

I'm 42 and feel really fit and healthy. BUT I think this is because I'm divorced and co-parenting and so get some of the week to myself. I have time to exercise, rest and socialise after work some days. You sound burdened with chores and life.

Eating healthily can help, I snack on fruit a lot. I've put on a small bit of weight compared to my 20s but am still wearing some of the same clothes I did back then.

Definitely quit the wine and Pringles but a more nutritious breakfast might help too! Massive plate of bacon and eggs sorts me out and keeps my blood sugar balanced all day but bacon isn’t very fashionable so maybe just try a couple of fried eggs on top of what you’re having already. I do think protein first thing sets you up for the day

Maybe getting rid of the arsehole husband would give you more of a spring in your step.

Have you had your B12 tested???
Please go to doctor and ask for a thorough blood test, iron, thyroid, B12, vitamin D. Don't take a B vitamin before getting it tested otherwise it can skew the results x

Have you had your B12 tested?? If not, please ask for a test x

If you're having teeth problems, check vitamin D levels. It's easy to take a supplement. Vit D helps metabolism calcium and I've had more than one friend with teeth problems because their Vit D levels were low.

Pelvic floor physio mate! we don’t have to put up with a rubbish pelvic floor, it doesn’t have to be like that, there is a lot that can be done.

40 can certainly be a watershed, but you absolutely do not need 'lots of time and money for treatments, hair appointments, and personal trainers, and buying better clothes'. Using time and resources wisely can go a long way towards a healthy and active middle- and older age.

Like many women, I lost myself a little during the menopause. This was at a time when HRT was considered risky and it was a real struggle. I ended up spending my evenings on the sofa, drinking wine, eating ice cream, watching crap on TV.

You are absolutely right about eating healthily and exercising, including weight training. If you just start doing both, the rest will eventually follow. Once you have implemented a few changes, you'll start to feel more energetic and you'll be surprised at how much you can do.

Today I'm 70 and fitter than most women half my age. I found that all the lifestyle changes that so many seem to struggle with actually became very easy once I got used to them. These days you couldn't pay me enough to make me sit on the sofa eating/drinking crap - I'm too busy doing stuff that I actually enjoy and give my life meaning.

Has anyone suggested perimenopause yet?

I was like you before I started HRT. I still have the extra weight but I'm back to being myself again and it's a fucking delight!

Would recommend having a read around and/or speaking to your GP. ... Although mine dismissed me for being too young for 18 months so make sure you're well read first...

"I don't want to have sex with my H which is causing issues. He can be a total arsehole so that might be it. "

I think you have answered this part of the issue yourself.

As for the rest, I can only sympathise. I am 45 - 3 kids, work full time and struggle massively to take care of myself. What has helped me recently is trying to get back into regular exercise, quitting drinking (maybe not forever, but for now as it was causing me so many physical and emotional problems) and trying to set just a tiny bit of time aside each week for myself, whether that's an exercise class, a solo walk or some quiet time reading a book. I'm working on losing the excess weight too.

I don't think everything automatically falls apart, but you have to plan and work harder to keep things "together" (or as you want them), if that makes sense.

Hate to break it to you but 44 is the worst. Search Google and ageing science to find the study.

You need to ditch your DH OP.

When I was married to my EXDH my face was full of acne, my back seizing up regularly and I felt flabby.

That ended within weeks of him leaving.

As for the wine. That needs to go. Post 40 my body cannot deal with it. Plus, alcohol is a depressive and you need to be in a more positive headspace.

I was in great shape at 40 but now I'm 50 and if I'm honest I would say this decade has not been kind in ageing terms. I look older, my hair has grey in it (which I colour but it is there), I have put on about a stone and my shape has changed, and some of my joints ache. And this is despite starting HRT, eating and exercising regularly, and sleeping well.

Some of my friends look better than ever though, and the things that seem to help are strict food control (fasting or avoiding carbs or going vegan - doesn't matter which), increasing exercise and adding weights, having lots of time and money for treatments, hair appointments, and personal trainers, and buying better clothes.

I don't have the resources for most of those things and I'm too lazy to do the rest so 🤷🏻

First of all it is extremely common to feel this way at this age.

I think that there’s not enough awareness about the perimenopause so it’s a surprise when our bodies don’t react the way they used to. But at 40 your hormone levels are in decline. Low sex drive and exhaustion is super common at this age. And yeah, the weight gain and wrinkles.

There are lots of good ideas on this thread. But I would start by dealing with your tooth and cutting out alcohol at least 3 days a week. It’s a long road and don’t expect an overnight transformation but I think you will get to a position where you feel a lot better about yourself and your body than you do now.

Do you think it's because you had children later in life.
I ask because my friend had a baby at 22 and bounced right back she then had 2 more in her 40s and she didn't bounce back like she did in her 20s.
And sleep try not to start the day at 5am.
Tooth pain can make anyone miserable that' needs sorting.