'i would die for my kids' ..but would people really?!

If someone had a gun pointed at my DC, I wouldn’t hesitate in jumping in front of them. Likewise, if a car was about to hit my DC I wouldn’t hesitate in pushing them out of the way and taking the hit. If they, heaven forbid, had a serious illness and someone offered to let me swap places, I would in a heartbeat. It’s all hypothetical of course but I know it’s something I would do because I know how I have felt when one child was sick in hospital, I would have truly done anything to be in their place.

Not all parents feel this way. I undertook research into the Holocaust for the uni I lecture at and found numerous testimonies of parents who had let their children go to the gas chamber without them so they could survive.

The abusive partner scenario, what realistically could the mother have done? Highly doubt she'd be able to physically defend her DD from a grown man.

You also have to wonder about the years before the daughter finally left this violent man. How many times had she taken him back and left her parents swinging in the breeze?

All the posters saying you'd die for your kids - how does that work if you have multiple children? What if both were at risk? Of what if dying for one child left all your other children without a parent, or even left them as orphans?

There's also the fact that you could die "for nothing" as you risking your life is no guarantee that your child would survive anyway 🤷‍♀️

I had an operation for my child - does that count? She has spina bifida and was operated on before birth. For me that meant all the risks of major abdominal surgery, up to and including death, without (in the surgeon's words) "any direct benefit to myself". Obviously the benefit was to give my child the best possible chance - if we'd left the operation until after birth she would have been paralysed from the waist down, and definitely in a wheelchair, having gone for fetal surgery we're currently working on getting her to stand (with splints/foot support).

I think that it's kind of true. Many parents would instinctively use themselves as a human shield if their child was threatened with a gun. And many parents would prefer not to go on living than to see their child die and have to go on without them. But it doesn't mean that they would do literally anything to make their child happy in other contexts, nor should they.

Yes, I agree, none of us know what we would actually do, and most likely it is save ourselves as instinct kicks in. I'm sure all the parents who have faced this real choice, and saved themselves, if they'd been asked before would have said 'I'd 100% die to save my kids'.
The human race is tens of thousands of years old and our ancestors would have faced this real choice much more often then us. They chose to save themselves and if they hadn't their children probably wouldn't have survived without them anyway and we wouldn't exist. That instinct runs deep.

Nobody knows what they'd do when faced with a choice like that, so bleating on about how you'd definitely die for your children and anyone who wouldn't is a heartless bitch is all pretty meaningless, really.

It also becomes more complicated if you have other children who would potentially then be left without a parent were you to sacrifice yourself.

There's also no guarantee that your death would save anyone's life anyway.

I often reflected on this OP, even though I feel I would stand in front of a train for my child.

I think there are some remarkably silly claims on this thread from people who, like the rest of us, have absolutely no idea whether we would risk death to save our children. Some parents do this, yes, absolutely, when push comes to shove. Some parents kill their own children in murder suicides (Alan Hawes killing Clodagh Hawes, his wife, and their sons before killing himself, and was lauded as a ‘great family man’ at his funeral) or ‘honour- killings’, or wave them off to be suicide bombers.

I would literally die for my kids that is true. I have gone beyond my own selfishness to give them as much of my energy, love, time and money as I can but you're not wrong. Many parents say it but clearly don't mean it.

I went into a burning house to try and save my neice unfortunately the smoke was just too thick and I couldn't breathe luckily she was reached by a policeman and then ressutated.
I have given my children all my savings on many occasions to help them out, and yes I would die for them as they are my world even though they are adults with their own families, they are the reason my heart beats.

If an acquaintance needed a babysitter so they could have tests to potentially diagnose cancer I would help them out if work would let me take the time off, let alone if it was my own child.

When I found a lump in my breast my parents came with me for the ultrasound scan and biopsy. My DGM died from breast cancer, so maybe that influenced their decision. Thankfully all was well, but I can't imagine choosing saving leave and potentially delaying someone who I cared about's diagnosis.

I would die for my child. Absolutely. But YANBU as I see various people do properly shitty things to their kids. It's not that complex really

I agree. It’s the same sort of people who say that they would rather starve so that they could feed their dog.

OK then 🙄 You do you but I’d eat the dog if I had to 😜

I’d die for my kids, absolutey no doubt.

I don’t want to die, I’d prefer us both to survive but if my death meant their survival I wouldn’t hesitate.

My DC are still quite young, I don’t know if this changes when they become adults.

Yes, it’s a weird MN dynamic. Be glued to your children for the early years and then when they’re 18, charge them rent or kick them out and don’t offer support or help.

I would give my life to save the life of my children. I also wish I could take away the health disorder that my adult daughter has now and take it for myself instead. They have hopefully more life to live than me so, I would go first.

Obviously, we all hope it will never happen as my kids may be adults, but they would be distraught without me.

And the evidence across history and across every culture is the despite all the 'I'd die for my kids' actually, when it really comes down to it, we save ourselves. On an evolutionary basis, I'm sure it's the sensible choice and that's why our instinct is self preservation at all cost.
I actually think the fact that, in reality, we won't even give up smoking for them, says a lot more that 'I'd die for my kids' does.

I am probably being very British and uptight about this.
I think a lot of parents would die or kill for their kids, in extreme situations.

But they shouldn't go on about it, or use it as an habitual catchphrase.
I put it in the same category as swearing something on “my kid's life”
Just something not right about it. Performative, maybe.

And I agree that it is far harder to live for your kids.

My dad had felt the same when he was told “we might not be able to save them both” and replied “please save my wife”.
I was talking to an obstetrician friend about this years ago. She said in labour, this 'which one to save' is never said, except on TV, and isn't a thing. The question can come up in pregnancy, if the baby is putting to much strain on the mother but never in labour.

There's a difference though in becoming a fool and becoming a permanent babysitter for your grandkids compared to taking a bullet for your kids which most would do.

When my twin babies died last year, I remember sitting in front of one of their incubators the day his life support was removed and wishing it was me in instead of him. I'd never felt that way about anyone before.

There is a big difference between taking a bullet for your child, and helping them financially say, to buy a house. Not buying a house is not going to kill them.

Yep, wouldn't like it though!!!!

I did not know if I could have another baby, as we had tried for a long time and had ivf. I felt very connected to the baby from seeing the embryo implanted though. I did not want to die either, I just know I felt really strongly that I would never forgive that choice.

I think it sparked an interest in some researcher into human behaviour after a high number of children were killed in some natural disaster. They looked at things like fires, wars, times were this 'me or my kid' survival question really does come up. Even in times of famine, parents could give every scrap of food to their kid, when push really does come to shove, across every culture, we save ourselves first, despite our high words.

Apparently it's a little researched area, obviously you can't do experiments on it. There's also a lot of taboo around it because parents (especially mothers!) are supposed to sacrifice everything for their kid. The hero stories where parents die saving their kid from a fire (for example) get loads of publicity, the apparently much more likely scenario of parents trampling their kids to get out themselves, don't get spoken of.

It's seen in animals as well. Mothers will fight almost to the death, to save their babies, but not quite to their actual death. The mother zebra keeps running and her baby is eaten by the lion.

It was speculated, and backed up with some maths, that without this self preservation at all costs instinct, the human race may not have survived. It was well over a decade ago that I heard the programme, it was really interesting though.