To feel uneasy about this school mum relationship…

What she said.

So a racist comment was made/insinuated about your friend and her children? Surely that puts an end to any further contact?

This. How has your daughters being friends become a whole family overnight stay together with dhs and so on?

Why do you have to go?

You don’t accidentally say yes to going on a holiday you don’t want to go on with someone you don’t like unless you’ve got some major boundary issues.

I applaud OP's husband for speaking out against racism rather than pretending he hasn't heard it and changing the topic to talk about TV programmes.

The world would be a better place if more people were prepared to stand up against prejudice rather than not saying anything because it's a bit awkward.

I can't think of a single occasion where saying "no, I don't want to" is not an acceptable answer to anyone who wants their family to go on holiday with your family. I have some very near, dear friends whose families I wouldn't go away with; not going away with your DD's school friend's family is a complete non problem.

OP - I'd stick to polite small talk in the playground and play dates only.

I'd also suggest you do say something re the racist language - if for no other reason than your daughter will start to pick it up and will want to know why it's ok for X's mum to say it, when it's not ok for her.

I wouldn’t encourage a close relationship here. The kids can play at school, but I wouldn’t want my child being invited to their house, where they could hear all sorts of views being aired freely. I certainly wouldn’t associate with her myself.

Why are you being so pally with her?

Your dd can have a friend without you and the other mum being mates.

I think you are showing a complete lack of integrity tbh.

Wow! Your new friend would really get on my nerves. If I hear racist/prejudiced comments, I struggle to look past it, it really taints the person for me. Good on you if you challenge her. She should be able to keep your friendship free from "political views". I hope she's not indoctrinating her kids.

Yeah not the same thing as being judged on your skin colour…..

I really don’t understand what you are doing

you don’t need to even explain that your friend of another race is lovely - why is that even important. People of all races are just people / good, bad, just people.

don’t other people of other races.

and detach from your idiot acquaintance - she isn’t your kind of person and frankly seems like a person of absolute stupidity and ignorance. Why would you even want your daughter hanging out with that family

have some backbone and move on and say no

Why do you have to go on holiday with her?? Surely playdates are enough

Your husband sounds like an utter nightmare. He’d create an atmosphere if someone had different views to him?! Maybe he needs to get out a bit more and mix with a more diverse group of people to widen his perspectives.

Maybe you’re so used to fear of wrong think from living with him that it’s making you uncomfortable.. it’s not racist to ask
where someone is from. Maybe clumsily phrased. But my dad will often answer “oh I was born here but my parents are American - hence the accent!”. It has never caused offence or been intended offensively by anyone who is just making chit chat.

Dont go on holiday with her if you don’t want to as it sounds like it cause a fall out. When you see her otherwise just talk about other things?! TV shows you like? Music/ books / comedians / holiday destinations? All valid alternative topics………

If shes racist and you don't want to spend time with her, as pps have said, start saying no. It doesnt have to affect dds friendship necessarily, she also wont want her daughter to lose a good friend.

Although I will add your DH sounds insufferable... staunchy Labour is one thing but 'creating an atmosphere' because his views differ to others. Urgh major ick.

you are going that mad just for the sake of playdates and the friendships which at that age come and go like your new day outfits

??

She's sounding you out to see if you share her views.

I wouldn’t go away with another family even if we’d known them for years and loved them to death and certainly not a school mum ‘friend’ with dubious opinions. Just tell them going away in a group isn’t for you, you don’t have to make it personal.
Then distance yourself a bit, just be polite. Parents don’t have to be involved in their children’s friendship and it becomes less of an issue as the children grow up.

hahahahaha

yes it does.

Why would you have your daughter around such people?

It is not friendship at any cost?
You are setting your daughter up for the inevitable fall out of this not working out.
Pull back now.
How could you allow a racist comment about your friend pass with out comment?

Don't go on holiday with them!

Is she one of those adults who always insists the parents are around? Like, why do you have to be there?

Can't the girls just play together??

Yes racists will find lots of reasons to be racist.

Trust your gut. Forget the holiday, just say it doesn’t work for you. Trust your daughter to be able to make other friends. How old is she? Choose not to socialise with this person and minimise the possibility of your daughter spending time with her. Widen your circle smile and do as you like.

I absolutely would not get involved socially with this woman.

You can support the kids friendship without being friends/going on holiday with a racist.