To feel frustrated by the tone of responses on Mumsnet?

Yes - sometimes I think these posters have little agency/power in real life, so they come on here to unleash on who they can.

No, that's certainly not harsh. I don't know why anyone could take exception to that.

One woman's direct is another woman's harsh though. I've seen the sort of posts @GildedRage is talking about and often OP gets upset about the harshness when really, I'd just call it direct. "OP - you are putting yourself at risk, go to A&E right now" is not harsh. But some posters will be horrified by the direct talk.

Go and have a look at ‘I hate people from Sussex’ thread. Some of the answers have made me roar with laughter, which is unusual for Mumsnet.

But yes, AIBU is a bit of a bear pit.

Actually it is kind as it the poster is being made aware that others know who she is and that if she doesn't do something to try to change things herself, then people can't help her.

No harsh response is ever warranted. You can be clear and direct without being harsh.

Also, to add, I know this isn't always very nice or very kind, but it's not unusual for a poster to be recognised by other posters. She'll have come on with the same issue and repeatedly ignored every comment, then makes a new post in hopes of different responses. It's not kind, but I sympathise when people get frustrated by that.

There's also times when I think someone is probably vulnerable so should be treated more patiently BUT they come across as just frankly ridiculous.

You don’t need to be harsh to give clear advice though, and just because you have seen the same pattern umpteen times doesn’t mean the poster has. There is no need to be mean in my opinion.

It's true, sometimes tone can be unpleasant.

But I'd also argue that sometimes online forums are an opportunity for people to be completely honest in a way that they wouldn't in real life. And yes, that can translate into somewhat harsh responses. But honestly, that can be helpful. I've had a few harsh responses over the years and actually, it's sometimes been useful to make me realise that in real life people might not be honest and I'm not getting their real thoughts, and in other cases, it's forced me to really think through my position and I've come out with an even firmer grasp of what I think or want.

Make sure you put your thread in the right part of MN and you will get better responses.

So don't put it in AIBU or Chat if it is about a specific topic like Parenting, Relationships, Dogs, etc

I agree. I would say though that the helpful, kind, empathic, wise and thoughtful responses do outweigh the ones that are snarky.

it is very discouraging to see women (predominantly) continuously position themselves in vulnerable positions and ask the most basic of questions (he's only abused me once this week should i leave...the kids love him).
people go to this forum for basic emergency care (my brother-in-law a fireman told me my arm is broken, it is deformed but i'm pain free with it on a pillow, my fingers are only pale blue).
some harsh responses are fully warranted.

Yes, I notice this a lot too. And it often seems to be the earliest posters on a thread who use the opportunity to seek to humiliate the OP by sinking in some stiletto comment.

If a more constructive tone then develops, it can gather its own momentum and the gratuitously hostile ones become fewer. But on some threads, the initial harshness succeeds and the thread is derailed.

I think that if I am being completely honest with myself I can see the appeal of posting in that cruel and supercilious way, and I'm sure I have done it myself (not gratuitously (I hope) but in response to posters who have themselves been aggressive or unkind). There is a little bit of a dopamine hit, a release of IRL frustrations.

Perhaps if we all try to be honest with ourselves about any tendency to harshness we can start to turn the tide a bit.

Has anyone else observed this trend or felt similarly?

Yes because on average, someone starts this very thread approximately once a week.

It's mostly AIBU and Feminism that I see the snarkiest posts on, and sometimes Relationships.

especially when someone raises a genuine concern or asks a straightforward question.

This happens to me. I have ASD and often think about or am concerned/worried about things other people don’t seem to be…and I often get snarky comments like ‘What’s it to you?’ or ‘Why do you care so much?’ or accusing me of ‘faux-concern’. It does bother me tbh and I have stopped asking about some things because this type of response is seemingly inevitable, and it makes me a bit upset to be accused of being disingenuous. I don’t have a thick skin like some other people seem to so I tend to be more careful now.