To feel frustrated by the tone of responses on Mumsnet?

This is hilarious, given the subject!

My reply was deliberately harsh (rude and sweary) to a GENRE of posters, one of whom I quoted as an example of "Mr Manners" #BeKind tone police 😂

I repeat, take your kindness policing to TwitteX and see what good it does.

This used to be the case.

Unfortunately I don't believe it is true any longer and I think the MODS should be doing better

YANBU

There is a difference between being blunt and direct and being rude or dismissive.

Some people need to learn it.

A bit of empathy never hurts.

The harsh, nasty responses will never stop as long as people are allowed to name change.

And name changing will always be a thing on MN for obvious reasons.

It's so easy to be a dick (within talk guidelines) in one user name and as nice as pie in another.

On the surface I agree with you. What I've noticed recently is OPs can be disingenuous at best lie in their posts, then when found out call everyone a bully. They then begin another OP slightly tweeking the last one (they're easily recogniseable ), fruitlessly searching for someone to agree with them.
Advanced search can also be enlightening. There's a post today on wanting a second child with a partner who wanted neither of the first two pregnancies. She's angry with anyone suggesting a second DC with this partner might not be the brightest idea.

And it's actually a fairly small crew of persistently aggressive numpties. Now this forum's so big and we namechange more often, relationships feel less personal. That works to the advantage of bad actors who come here specifically to spark arguments, as they go unrecognised from thread to thread.

Yes absolutely all the time, in the last day or so there was a unnecessary negative pile on for a OP who was genuinely upset about something important to her.

I think the first few comments can set a precedent.

It very much depends on where you ask a question. If you post in AIBU (or to a certain extent Chat, Relationships or the Dog House), chances are that responses may well be on the robust side.

But don't those 'daft' questions just get very few responses? That's what I've noticed. No need for nastiness - if the question irritates you, just ignore it.

Well apparently I'm a raving psychopath I've been told yesterday 😂 all for the heinous crime of being terrified of spiders and hoovering them up. I think some people just love getting on their high horses and as it's anonymous they know they won't have any comeback

So you think a vulnerable woman who is being abused deserves a harsh response?

I always promise myself I won't start threads on MN as I always regret it. The responses are always so negative and rude, and I've only ever asked really straightforward questions

You are being ironic...aren't you?

Eh, it’s often subjective. I’ve seen several posters cry bully/harsh etc about pp and I have disagreed with it.

It’s also slightly different if posted on AIBU.

Ultimately, I’m not a fan of the tone police.

Yes, I do think some people can be mean on this forum, but I am absolutely flabbergasted when I read people asking some really stupid questions that I don’t understand why are you even saying it like why talk about some of the stuff you can sort it out yourself what do you want from us? I don’t understand some people and some people must have very charming lives because the stuff that they bother about is shit.

I suspect the really nasty posters are sad individuals with a lot of pent-up frustration, though. I imagine them hunched over their keyboards, just waiting for an OP, licking their lips and typing a horrible, mean reply for their best thrill of the day.

I was taken aback by some of the nasty responses on Feminism. I have had to mute those threads now even though I count myself as a Feminist.

There does seem to be a particular type of poster who is determined to find fault with the OP at all costs.
I have seen ludicrous distortions to justify criticism of the OP.
Why? Does on-line nastinessake some people feel better about themselves?

I agree, OP. The responses on here are sometimes inexcusably aggressive and nasty.

Yes, this point it regularly brought up because it's a persistent issue. Some posters try to pretend they can't discriminate between direct and downright rude which I find disingenuous.

Direct: This person is taking advantage of you. Please don't let them push you around.
Rude: You sound like a wet lettuce. Woman up and grow a pair.

I see this all the time!

My personal pet-hates on AIBU are:

1)ignoring the OP's question and focusing on some side-issue (they may have sounded slightly snobbish or judgemental, for eg). Answer the question and leave the personal judgements out! This tendency leads to OPs feeling they have to preamble and over-explain in order to make sure nit-pickers can't attack them - resulting in very long posts.

2)Personal, spiteful, unhelpful, irrelevant and usually totally pointless judgements such as: 'You sound nice.' 'You sound snobbish' or 'You sound jealous'. Focus on the question!

There are definitely posters who know just how far they can push it without getting deleted.

I think the harsh words that have always been said on AIBU have bled into other topics since the Trending Topics at the bottom of the page launched

Previously when you had to make your way to a specific topic, you would know you are in say the Step Parenting thread and so knew the typical tone of the conversations there

Now you see a topic in Trending , click into it with your AIBU attitude set to on and start typing away not realising that it’s not that type of thread

But I agree regardless of where the OP has posted, it can get frustrating when the OP continually posts different versions of the same situation or ignores comments apart from the ones that make them look ok. That’s when you can see posters being harsh. I can think of at least two posters from the last couple of days that fall into that category. Complete waste of people putting good thought into responses only for it to get thrown back at them by the OP

I think it’s been more and more like this over the past 10 years. I notice I’m more tempted to reply in snarky ways, or feel like a thread is disingenuous / trolly when I am feeling very stressed and anxious myself.

I think a lot of people are very stressed out these days, with the cost of living and world events, and the general political polarisation going on everywhere.

I also do think there have been lots more threads in the past 5 years or so from people who sound as though they are living unsupported with serious mental health issues, and I can find MN to be a very overwhelming place sometimes - like being pummelled over the head by 1000 other people’s unchecked OCD / paranoia / desperate depression and self-hatred. I don’t tend to reply to those posts if I don’t feel in a balanced enough state of mind to be helpful and empathetic - but the overspill of a feeling of disturbance and intense dislocation from reality can then follow me on to the next thread about something innocuous like parking or baking or whatnot, where I may end up being less patient than I’d like.

I’m trying to wean myself off Mumsnet because it feels harder and harder not to be plunged into others’ severely anxious and/or self destructive states of mind, and it’s not doing me or anyone else any good.

I've seen it.

I'm also sometimes surprised when OP's come on and accuse posters of attacking them and "vitriol" and I read back thinking I've missed something and really, it's just posters disagreeing with the OP. There was one the other day where I genuinely started to think i was going mad as I couldn't see any of this so-called vitriol and yet OP was absolutely frothing. It was particularly odd as she'd posted saying she was concerned about x and y and everyone was agreeing with her that x and y WAS concerning.

I participate alot. I don't think I'd ever post my own on here now. Even though there are so many thjbgs I'm struggling with immensely. I'd value solidarity and support but the way some posters come on with unnecessarily cruel insults to the OP is difficult at times.

I have found alot of posters are really kind and decent but they tend to join later on I find.