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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends Husband sending Me MSG - what to do?

139 replies

Coffeeforthee · 19/09/2024 15:42

My Friend is through a Hobby I do 3x a Week.
She doesn't drive so her DH drops her off and collects, I've met him during these occasions over 3 Years, we've also been at the same social events through the Hobby. I would say I'm relatively close to my friend, outside of Hobby we text a few times a week and have had occasional Girls Lunches together too. I've spoken to her DH plenty of times but only polite chit chat, I wouldn't consider him a Friend. My DH hasn't clicked with him on the occasions they've met either, no bad feelings just very different people.
Now the aibu - Friend obviously goes home and talks to her DH about things we've spoken about when meeting up, all fine, I do the same.
But 3 times now her DH has then sent me a text message about those conversations, for instance, I discussed my Dds current issue at College - he text me and asked about it.
AIBU to think this is a little strange, or is he just trying to make Friends?! I haven't replied, just ignored the messages so far Confused

OP posts:
GROMIT50 · 24/09/2024 21:11

One thing I notice about mumsnet, you never communicate with the other male person, you would rather come on here because most people will give dramatic responses, should change the this to mumsnetdrama.com.
Simple solution would be to ask wife why her husband got your number, then you will get a really boring non dramatic response, I will be accuser of being a troll now.

newnamethanks · 24/09/2024 20:57

Block him. Done.

RickiRaccoon · 24/09/2024 20:50

Either he's interested and trying to make a move or it's innocent and he's a little socially different.

I have a friend's husband who occasionally messages me bits and pieces vaguely connected with mw. I just reply briefly. He met my husband and now messages him bits and pieces too.

DryBiscuit · 24/09/2024 20:43

Coffeeforthee · 19/09/2024 18:38

In answer to a few questions, he has my number from when she left her phone in his Car so used mine to contact him after he had dropped her to the Hobby. Also, he has no interest in DD or her course (she's studying performing arts and he's a tree surgeon) his first message to Me was about a TV Programme.
Thank you for all the advice, I'm going to continue to ignore.

So he saved your number when his wife used your phone

Thats a little creepy

2Old2Tango · 24/09/2024 20:40

I'd speak with your hobby friend and say something like "John messaged me about my DDs college issue the other day. I guess he got the info from you. I don't mind you sharing our conversation, but I'm not sure why he's private messaging me. I'd rather not be messaging with other women's husbands, so I've not bothered replying".

lap90 · 24/09/2024 20:26

He's testing the waters.

Unicornsanddiscoballs91 · 24/09/2024 20:21

Shiningout · 19/09/2024 15:51

I'd be wondering why she's given him your number in the first place??

Or how he got it...

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/09/2024 20:11

He is trying to start a dialogue in the hope it goes in a different direction eventually. Had it happen to me but this was in my pre MN days and I naively thought he was being friendly. First compliments then edgy compliments (bet you get a lot of male attention in that outfit you wore the other day) then it definitely ramped up. I said I didnt like it and he didnt stop so I told my friend and showed her the messages. She blamed me for trying to "steal" her husband and never spoke to me again. He is well know for the amount of affairs he has had in the years since but they are still together.

I wouldnt say anything to her because at the moment he has plausible deniability as the messages are innocent. But so do you, so if he ever asks you if you have received his messages say no and say you really do need to get a new phone as that happens quite a lot!

Dolliesdisasterousdayout · 24/09/2024 19:47

Block his number

angstypant · 24/09/2024 19:45

EchoFallz · 19/09/2024 21:28

Your use of capital letters is Strange

Maybe some Germanic language is the OPs first language.

vincettenoir · 24/09/2024 18:44

It’s is a bit odd. I don’t assume he’s a raging pervert or anything but if you don’t feel comfortable then, yeah, ignore.

ShinyPebble32 · 24/09/2024 18:40

Really want a Chinese now 🤣

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 24/09/2024 18:18

My first thought was why MSG?!

johnd2 · 24/09/2024 13:44

Honestly, off topic but I was ready to agree that it's super weird someone sending you monosodium-glutamate, I never would have read that as "messages"!

ShinyPebble32 · 24/09/2024 13:37

Reallybadidea · 24/09/2024 12:30

Am I the only one who thought that the DH was sending the OP monosodium glutamate?

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Same here!! 🤣

Dadstheworld · 24/09/2024 13:23

We have group whatsapp for friends groups, would be highly inappropriate to message partners wives individually.

ShinyPebble32 · 24/09/2024 13:03

Ew that’s weird. Direct messages with other peoples partners is something to be very careful with, it’s touchy ground for a lot of people. I can’t see that there’s an easy way to mention it to your friend, without a potentially awkward conversation.
You’ve absolutely done the right thing by ignoring the messages completely, if she ever looked at his phone she would just see a list of messages from him to you with no engagement at all from your side.
if it’s really bothering you, block or archive him - I doubt he will ask her what’s up with your phone.

Reallybadidea · 24/09/2024 12:30

EchoFallz · 19/09/2024 21:28

Your use of capital letters is Strange

Am I the only one who thought that the DH was sending the OP monosodium glutamate?

GardenOfficer · 24/09/2024 12:29

Opened this thread expecting it to be about Monosodium glutamate.

Fraaahnces · 24/09/2024 12:28

Creepy AND inappropriate. I would ask friend if she wouldn’t mind deleting your number from his phone.

PictureOfTheSea · 24/09/2024 12:27

I've been in a similar situation and I think if you tell the wife there's a good chance she'll cool off the friendship with you if she isn't aware he's doing it (which is highly likely). If it was me I would block his number, deny all knowledge and stay right out of it - if he or she ever mentions it I would just play dumb and say something vague like "oh I always block numbers I don't recognise" and if he persisted I would just say "thanks but I'm not a huge fan of texting/social media but anything I need to know just get friends name to pass it on." Then avoid him. He should get the message but it won't affect your friendship.

2k2j · 24/09/2024 12:11

I'd definitely ignore.

beetr00 · 24/09/2024 12:05

Forward his messages to his wife?

ArcaneSquiggle · 24/09/2024 12:00

Next time you see your friend I'd go with "Oh, Derek messaged the other day and I forgot to reply" then get her to pass on the answer to whatever he's asked. This doesn't assume he's definitely being dodgy but, if he is, it lets him know you're not interested in secret chats.

I've been naive with men who I thought wouldn't be trying it on (partner's friends, my friend's husbands etc) sending messages, thinking they were clearly just being friendly.
Every time a man who I didn't know all that well got in touch for a separate 'friendly' chat for no good reason it led to them trying to flirt. I'm much more wary now!

Sceptical123 · 24/09/2024 11:40

Fluffybuns88 · 24/09/2024 10:53

My OH never texts anyone 🤣 we hang out together around once a month. From what I gather most of his close friends are female so presume so. Him and my husband have socialised together once or twice.

Maybe I don't find this kind of thing weird because most of my closest friends are male, I can promise you they don't all fancy me either.

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😂