Friends Husband sending Me MSG - what to do?

It's weird OP! I have my best friend's husband's phone number saved because over the years there have been enough times where we've been out and her phone has died or either me or him have needed to contact her through the other. I've known him for 15 years. When I call my friend and he's in the room he shouts hello down the phone. Do you know how many times he's text me to start a chat? Zero. It's never happened.

It's different if you are all friends together. I have male friends that I text often, and DP and I have shared friends we both text. But this man isn't your friend and it's weird for him to start a conversation based on his wife's intel.

But OP has never replied, and he hasn't done anything that blatantly suggests he wants to cheat, (although i agree its creepy) and if the friend finds out he's texted OP about innocuous stuff he will probably just downplay it as "just trying to be helpful" or similar - the OP isn't keeping some kind of dirty secret from her friend. If she blocks him she never needs to know if he tries to take it further. Speaking from my own experience, I warned a friend that her partner was talking inappropriately behind her back, as it seemed the right thing to do. All that happened was the friend pointedly avoided/ignored me for years afterwards. I didn't do anything wrong but got shot as the messenger. Since OP hasn't done anything wrong, didn't ask for it and he hasn't actually tried to flirt or cheat (yet) she might not feel its worth getting involved.

I agree with the others, this guy is fishing and if you provide a response, he may think he’s getting somewhere. I agree with no response and keeping some things quiet from friend.

I also wonder if this guy maybe wants to know more about your DD because he’s texting about this. I’d keep very quiet on DD’s timetable. I think this kind of thing has a creepy vibe to it.

Yes, that’s strange!!! Unless someone specifically tells me about their life, I don’t ask.

If he wanted to give her advice about it, he could’ve asked his Mrs to relay it to her. My partner has my sisters no in his call history from a time when I had a seizure as he needed to get hold a family member and hers was the first in my phone. This was totally fine but I’d find it bizarre and would not be happy if he saved it to chat to her privately about other stuff.

hope Op drops it into conversation. I would be shocked if her friend knew her husband was messaging.

.

Is he a teacher or higher up in that type of field. Maybe ur friend has said to txt you to try and help you and your dd deal with the college. Also tell ur friend that you got his message asking about your dd n then ask if he's in that field of work. Something like that, but it could be harmless and your friend asked him to help or something n if not she can take it up with him then.

the friend is obviously telling her partner everything so I would suggest for OP to stop telling her anything private as she can’t be trusted to keep it to herself

Yes, I would be creeped out by that personally, and I wouldn't want to tell her stuff any more, but I know lots of people feel quite comfortable with spouses sharing info with each other. So I guess it depends how OP feels about him actually knowing, but that's a separate issue from him messaging her about it.

Either way, the bit that's definitely inappropriate is the fact that he can't be trusted to behave like a grown up and keep personal stuff he's been told by his wife to himself.

I'd be mortified if my spouse did what he did, so I would imagine that telling the friend what's happening and asking for it to stop should be sufficient to make her stop telling him things anyway.

Block and deny all knowledge as others have suggested. I’ve been there once before. I ignored his messages and later found out he’d been messaging her other friends too, and was fishing to see which one would start an affair with him. Another friend had replied thinking he was just being friendly until he turned up on her doorstep by himself and she realised his real intentions.

If you want to reply-always reply to his question on her number-so sort of assuming they are BOTH asking you.

the friend is obviously telling her partner everything so I would suggest for OP to stop telling her anything private as she can’t be trusted to keep it to herself

She deserves to know, she will find out eventually (likely her partner will tell her and insinuate it was OP that started it) and the friendship will have 0 chance of survival after keeping it quiet from her so long.

if OP sees her friend regularly it’s likely she will bump into the partner and friend will sense awkwardness.

I would definitely ask your friend to tell him to stop - it's so creepy to discuss your personal life with one person then have their spouse who you wouldn't have said all that stuff to start asking about it as if you had said it to him.

It's like he thinks he and his wife are the same person, and that everyone else should treat them as one person too. Weird and creepy.

Personally I would limit the information I share with the friend, as her DH clearly doesn't understand appropriate boundaries and, since he mentioned your personal issues to you in such an inappropriate way, he may well blab your private business to other people too.

The fact he saved your number, kept it, and has continued to contact you is bizarre.

Sounds like he may have a crush on you. Especially if he doesn’t partake in this hobby and you hardly know him. If he wanted a friend, he could’ve reached out more to your partner orrr made conversation with you in person when his partner was around.. It’s good to be friendly but when he’s (perhaps secretly) saved your number, it suggests something else to me.

I would tell your friend that he’s obviously saved your number, been messaging asking about college and you didn’t know he wanted to be your friend. Also tell your husband You don’t have to say it accusingly.. Get it out in the open now incase her husband tries to make out like you tried to chat first or indase he’s inappropriate in the future (not saying he will be, he genuinely might just want to make a friend)

tell your husband too. It’s good to keep these things out in the open in case friends husband casually mentions that you have been entertaining (clean) messages.

obviously he could just be really naive, lonely for a friend and not realise how it looks. But imo it sounds like he had a crush and these things are best nipped in the bud. Tell your friend he’s saved your number.

So odd to save your number after one call you should have mentioned the messages to your friend.

Screenshot the messages and block. Say nothing but tell your DH and show him the messages and block and delete in front of him

He’s on a fishing expedition to see if you bite.
He has zero respect for his wife or her friendship with you.
Predictably, if you bring it up with her, she will probably go cold on you, and not him.
Block him, and then decide how important this friend is to you. If you want to hang on to her, leave it at that. Continue your friendship with her and ignore the fact he exists apart from basic pleasantries when you meet him.
If you involve your own DH then again there could be choppy waters ahead. I’d be inclined to tell him, though.

Block him, he's trouble.

Have you thought about replying and cc’ing your friend in?
Keep it very brief and functional.
Yes Dave, I did mention to Laura that dd is interested in Pershing a career in ballet.

Then leave it and hopefully it will stop.
If she gets arsey with you then there is your answer, he is doing behind her back with bad intentions.

It's weird and wrong. He's not your friend so he shouldn't be contacting you privately about any matter. Probably trying it on..no harm, just ignore.

Weird, inappropriate and he's testing your boundaries/interest.

I have longstanding friends whose husbands are kind of secondary friends iyswim - e.g. we might all spend the evening together, or they might both invite me to lunch or dinner, but the wife is my primary friend and the one I spend one-to-one time with, and even with them I would find direct contact from the husband odd and concerning, unless there was a specific reason. I assume a certain amount of pillow talk goes on but to be approached direct about things I'd discussed with my actual friend would be out of order and in my world would not happen. Not to say "men and women can't be friends" but that's not the situation here.

Make sure everyone knows. Sunlight is the best disinfectant.

I don't think it's weird, just friendly but I'm gay so might not read it the same way.
Do you think he's just a bit bored and under-stimulated? It's the sort of thing I'd do if I was a bit bored in an ADHD sort of way

Ignore. He’s an opportunist

This is a really WEIRD thread! A man is talking to you, therefore he's a threat! What century are we in again?

Glad it’s not just Me bothered by this!

Oh. Not Chinese food-related, then.