My child's bffs mum has died.. Would it be appropriate to bring dd to the funeral to support her friends

I would.

I would preferably ask the family. But if thats not possible yes Id take your dd - Im sure her friend would appreciate her presence, especially afterwards if you are invited to the wake. Your dds friend is going to need an enormous amount of support for a long time to come. If I was 10 I would want my bff to be there.

It is interesting and important that PPs who have been in the BF’s shoes say how much this would mean, even with you and DD appropriately towards the back.

If the reception is open to the congregation, as is usual in my area, I would ask DD whether she is up for it. She needs to be prepared to wait it out if BF’s family insists she participate in the ritual courtesies.

My BFFs sibling died when we were at high school. I went to the funeral, my mum came with me to show my support for her and her family. IMO it’s fine for your daughter to attend, she may just need to be gently told that friend may not want to speak to her on the day, she will appreciate the support though.

right now that poor sweet girl needs friends. Friends like your daughter and you as her mum supporting her. Absolutely you should go. And be there for her in the weeks ahead.

Yes, I absolutely think it's okay to take your DD. The only thing is it's worth checking that children (including your DD's friend) are coming. So a quick message asking if it's okay to bring her wont' go amiss. But yes, I think these things are good. Even if your DD barely sees/speaks to her friend, this is an experience they will both have had. Her friend will know and appreciate that.

It might also be helpful for your DD if she's close to the family.

I would say take her with you IF you think she has the maturity to cope with it and you have the kind of relationship where she will open up to you if it worries her (before or after). It will be nice for her friend to see her there even if they don't speak on the day but again, only if your daughter is comfortable with it. Does she want to go ?
It sounds as if you have been doing what you can to help in the lead up to this, so your daughter hasn't been suddenly thrown into this without knowing the situation.
Thoughts are with you. Terribly sad.

Then yes it would be fine. If this is your daughters first funeral it might be good to talk her through generally what might happen etc.

but if you helped the family out and the girls are friends, then of course.

It's almost certainly fine, if accompanied by you/her other parent. I don't think most people would object at all, especially if your daughter knew the mum fairly well.

It'll be worth explaining to your daughter that she won't necessarily be able to spend much - if any - time with her friend as the friend may not feel up to it or may be preoccupied with family. See if she still wants to go once you've had that conversation.

If your daughter hasn't been to a funeral before it's worth also explaining a bit about what will happen e.g. the priest will do XYZ, or about music/readings that her friend's mum liked being played at the chapel at the crem.

Many funerals now - especially if the death was expected - aren't the sombre affairs they were decades ago. It's often a celebration of the person's life. I've been to funerals - including of younger adults - where we've laughed as much as we cried and where people are encouraged to wear bright colours or bring photos/items to remember the person.

My daughter is 6. If in the awful event ant of her friends' mums died I don't think it would cross my mind not to take her to the funeral. And to be alert to the friend. She might want her own friend sitting near her or she might just want her there unobtrusively. One to play by ear OP.

Also slightly thrown by what a PP said about going to the wake uninvited. I've never been to a funeral (and I've been to nearly 30) where letting people know details of the service wasn't an automatic invitation to the wake as well. It's usually printed in the order of service to ensure everyone knows where it is.

I basically agree with this, but I would ask the family first

If your DD wants to go I think you should bring her. It will help her friend to know she's there.

I attended my first funeral right before I turned 7. I've never been sorry I went, even though I wasn't really prepared for the open casket. An older neighbor girl (12 yo) died and I asked to go to the funeral because I looked up to her and she had always been nice to me. Her sister (~9 or 10 yo at the time) was crying the whole time and seemed very alone. I wished more of her friends had been there with her. I don't know that my presence meant much to the sister, but the dad always greeted or waved to me when he saw me around the neighborhood into my young adult years when he also died.

Yes, please do.

My dad died when I was 14, and it was so comforting to know I had friends there, even though they weren’t sat near.

Its a horrible time, and I'm sure the support and familiarity would be appreciated.

It's absolutely fine to go to a funeral in a church or crematorium chapel but unless specifically invited either in advance or by general announcement at the service, it isn't appropriate to attend any reception. At 10 she's able to understand and behave appropriately with preparation but I suspect she is not going to be able to be supportive other than being there

That is what I understood from your post. I suppose I thought that she wouldn’t be able to provide any support at the funeral because she would be with you, whereas at the wake she might be able to spend time with her friend.

Of course you can take your daughter. Sit near the back, explain things quietly if necessary, join the condolence queue after. Etc etc.

Young friend will likely be very pleased to be able to talk about it later with your daughter. It will always be a memory they can share.

If your daughter feels comfortable doing so, I would certainly bring her and encourage it in support of her best friend. My father died when I was young and only one of my friends came. It honestly was one of the harder parts of the funeral was not having more friends there to support me. I felt very alone as emotionally I had far deeper connections with my friends than family.

Ten years old is old enough to be able to cope with death, as long as you are able to share space for any discomfort she may have around it afterwards. To discuss death with her will help her be able to better help her friend through this very difficult experience too.

If they want you going I'd be surprised they didn't want your family. It's a funeral not a wedding. In our family if anyone wanted to come to a funeral they'd be welcome.

Depending how it's announced might make it more clear.

I think it might be unusual to have an unrelated child at the funeral. Will she need to miss school, and would the absence be authorised? Does the poor bereaved child have cousins of a similar age?

Ask if it's ok to bring you DD to the wake
Probably not for the service itself
It's ok to ask the family