My child's bffs mum has died.. Would it be appropriate to bring dd to the funeral to support her friends

That's very true- but still best check with the Dad.
{My own Mum died when I was 2.5 yrs old, and I wasn't taken to the Funeral}

I do remember going to the Cemetery later though.

Mum of one of DC's friends died. Another Mum took her 3 DC to the funeral, who were loudly sobbing during service and distracting. So I'd say no

I would advise against this, I think she is too young (your DD).

That sounds like you are fairly close to the Family- Ask Dad and see if he minds?

@Keenrower having lost my daughter, it was heartening to see grandchildrens' friends with their parents at her funeral. please do it. x

Wow that's awful @Hoogieflip !

I think it sounds like a nice idea op, but I agree with checking in with someone in the family

My sibling died when I was younger than the BFF and my parents did not take me to the funeral even though I wanted to go (I absolutely understand their reasoning). At 10, the only way I would not take the child in OP's shoes is if I felt she would struggle to cope with the situation.

People are saying, "ask the family", but the OP's daughter's friend IS the family. It was her mother who died. Why should only the adult members of the family get to have their friends come to offer respects and support and none of the child's. I appreciate that a chid won't offer the same kind of support and as an adult needs, and may feel confused and upset (though that is hardly unusual at a funeral). But maybe the sight of a known face of their own age in a sea full of mourners would be very welcome to to OP's daughter's friend.

@Keenrower have your DD what she wants to do? She might not want to go.

you know your child… will this cause upset for her when she sees the coffin? Worries about losing you?

Personally I think going to the wake would be better given that she won’t even be sitting with her firend.

In Ireland it wouldn't even be a question, if a parent of my child's friend dies of course we go to the funeral. I understand the culture of death is different in the UK though so I'd maybe check it was OK with a family member

Personally, I wouldn't take my child of that age to a funeral that could be avoided. I would be more inclined to have her at the wake, if anything at all.

@DappledThings I disagree with your thoughts that it's better not to attend than to just attend part - I went to the service of a friend's stepdad earlier in the year. Couldn't make the wake after as I had childcare issues, but there's no way I wouldn't have shown my support at all.

My mum died when I was 8, and my whole class attended her funeral, it was the catholic church adjacent to the school. Never actually gave it a thought at the time, other than wondering why my bf was crying when it wasn't her mum that had died. It is kind that you are thinking of your DD friend, maybe see how she feels about attending the funeral, and then
a brief message to the family to see if they are ok with that.

But when the other child is distraught and your child isn't sure how to react? Or she may try playing or ask to play roblox. No def no appropriate

Sorry, I see @Hatty65 has said something already about the children maybe not wanting their friends there. This is what worried me - if I think of being that age.

Sorry, I should clarify. I mean CofE funerals rather than practising CofE. There still tend to be a lot of people who end up with a CofE funeral as a default when they weren't really any religion much, or were nominally Anglican. This happens less with other churches and religions in England because of being the Established Church. My personal experience is that practising Anglicans still don't have the same degree of cultural expectation that the whole wider community will attend every funeral as Catholics do, but it's true that it's stronger than in the secular world.

I think efforts would be better placed offering support after the funeral, when all the well-wishing / adrenaline has died down, and the family are facing adjustment to the new normal. Be the supportive friend, invite the child over, help with childcare etc. Long term this child will need the support, in the simple day to day of life. Not on the day of a funeral.

I think taking your dd to the wake might be lovely as they can be together but realistically she won’t sit with her friend at the funeral so it will only upset your dd and not provide comfort for the other children. And it might be even be more disturbing for the friends if dd was visibly upset; children often respond to things by observing how those round them are responding. Alternatively they might feel awkward about their own distress. Would you be able to collect her in between the service and the wake ?

100%

Sometimes it's just time to be with your family and especially at that age they might not want their friends to see them that upset

If the woman who died was quite young – I’m assuming she was – then the funeral is likely to be very well attended. There could be over 100 people there. You and your daughter are not going to stand out, as you said you will sit quietly at the back and she knows how to behave. The family may not even notice you were there until the end.

As an adult, I took great comfort from seeing people at my parents’ funerals who were old friends. Some of them didn’t even come to the wake, but I knew they had been. Going forward, it might be helpful for your daughters’ friend to know she also remembers the funeral.

If it’s an open invitation, I would definitely go to the reception afterwards even if only briefly. The friend might be delighted to see someone of her own age. You’ll judge it for yourself.

I don’t see why the funeral should distress her, other than if she sees her friend upset. There will be readings, music, probably a lot of laughter. Much of it will go over your DD’s head. Death is part of life. So what if she sees adults crying? Hiding grief and pretending it’s not happening is not a great preparation for adult life.

I wouldn’t bother the family, they’ve got enough to think about. They will be pleased to see you there showing your respect for your friend.

I think you going to the funeral is a good idea- it demonstrates that you are prepared to be a good friend to this family-
im less certain about bringing your daughter.
(and certainly not as support for her friend)

that’s being said by a parent who has taken children from 3 y up to funerals of family (older aunts, grand mother, older cousins)

Talk to your daughter, explain what funerals are all about and what will happen, then ask her if she'd like to be there. I don't understand why so many people think you should check with the family. In my experience, that's not how funerals work.

What does your daughter think?
At 10, I think she'd probably be fine but that obviously depends on her and whether you think she'd be ok too.

It is a lovely thing to do OP.
If the girls stay friends in the future (hope they do) this is something your daughters friend won’t forget and when she is mature enough to understand the enormity of it, she will see what a fab pal she has always had.

Not my experience at all. White English, CofE all the way including generations of vicars in the family. Never known children to be anything other than expected at funerals without anything being explicitly said. Going back decades.

My mum died around that age. I had my two best friends sat with me at the funeral and with me at the wake. It was helpful to have that support.

My gut feeling is yes. My dd is 10 and she would absolutely want to attend. She is mature enough to deal with it IMO.

I haven't been in this situation though, so it's probably best to check.