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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to see my own family instead of hosting in-laws when husband not here?

190 replies

BrainAddled · 19/09/2024 14:44

Husband is going on a golf trip away with his dad for 5 days. He wants me to have his mum here with me, while he and his dad go golfing. She is not easy going and I won’t be able to relax and go about my life normally. She is not infirm or unable to stay at home on her own - They live in the same village as my husband's sister, who is always on hand anyway.
My family want to come and stay that week and I would like them to. AIBU to want to see my family instead, when he is going golfing with his Dad?
I would really like to know how many people on here host their in-laws when their husband is not there at all. I’ve had them on my own for a week before, when husband wasn’t even in the country, but it takes a lot from me because they are not easy going at all.
Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrainAddled · 19/09/2024 14:51

Notonthestairs · 19/09/2024 14:50

No of course you don't have to host anyone unless that is something you want to do.

I'm surprised you feel the need to check - or is that indicative of your wishes being undermined generally?

I think I’ve always done whatever makes him happy, so I am second guessing myself.

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 19/09/2024 14:50

No of course you don't have to host anyone unless that is something you want to do.

I'm surprised you feel the need to check - or is that indicative of your wishes being undermined generally?

MrSeptember · 19/09/2024 14:50

So in our world, MIL lives with SIL and is quite frail. If DH and SIL went away together for a jolly, I would happily step up to help MIL (she'd stay at SIL's but I'd probably pop in a few times, offer to take her out etc). Similarly, my parents aren't local so if they came to visit and mum and I decided to pop off to a spa for a few days, I'd expect Dh to be fine with my dad continuing to stay at our house. Similarly, when DH's dad was visiting and staying in a hotel, I had him over here to have dinner with me and the DC a few times on nights DH was working.

HOWEVER, in your situation, I don't understand. Your MIL is perfectly capable of being at home alone, she doesn't have a particularly close relationship with you, so why on earth would you she want to com estay with you for the weekend?

Original poster
BrainAddled · 19/09/2024 14:50

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My family will stay during the time he is away

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2024 14:49

Also, the best way of making me never support DH going away again would be to have the ILs there while he wasn't. No more golf for you DH!

Lyra87 · 19/09/2024 14:48

Absolutely yanbu. If you were away would he even consider having your family to stay? He can arrange a visit for them when he's home.

twomanyfrogsinabox · 19/09/2024 14:48

He's probably guilty he's taking his dad away and leaving his mum alone. And/or he thinks you would like the company, I'm sure he thinks his mum is great.

Blobblobblob · 19/09/2024 14:48

That's mental. Do what you want to do.

keepforgetting1 · 19/09/2024 14:47

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Sugarplummama · 19/09/2024 14:47

He is going golfing for 5 days. You can do what you want that week. Sorry MIL, you can’t stay becuase my family are visiting. F that having a DH who dictates who is staying when he is away.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 19/09/2024 14:47

If he wants his family members to come and stay, he has to host them himself.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2024 14:46

Let's check if this is horrible sexist...

If you went away on a jolly with your dad, would be host your mum for a week? I bet a lot of money he'd think that was weird.

Have your family over.

keepforgetting1 · 19/09/2024 14:46

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Sirzy · 19/09/2024 14:46

Just make it clear to him that you have already made plans. He can’t dictate how you spend your time when he is away

Slinkyminky22 · 19/09/2024 14:45

He's not going to be home, and he doesn't need to arrange or get involved in your plans.