To want to see my own family instead of hosting in-laws when husband not here?

He's guilt dumping. Neither he nor FIL want to feel guilty about leaving MIL alone for 5 days. Cue subservient little wife who will entertain her for the week. What a happy arrangement for everyone, except the OP.

I’m just wondering - do you have space for MIL and your family? That way perhaps your family would take the edge of MIL!

He needs to be there to host his own mother.

If his mother doesn't want to be home alone that's for her to sort out with her husband, not your circus.

Your husband is going away without you, you get to plan your own time, no need to get caught up in babysitting another capable healthy adult.

Sounds to me like he already offered without checking with you so is now trying to convince you.....

I go to stay at my inlaws and see them without my DH, but only since I had DC and he travels a lot with work! You are not unreasonable at all, don't host her instead of your family, invite her for dinner one day while they're there?

ooo that's risky....what about what makes YOU happy?

WTF!! Duties? Why? Hosting the in laws is a "pink job"?

OP tell DH to piss off, do what you want with your time whilst he is off. He sounds like a child, curating your time whilst he's not there.

Is he 12?
Tell him to jog on, your family are coming to stay. End of.

He plays golf for 5 days and you look after the kids and entertain his mum !

The main problem is that you are both so used to you doing whatever makes him happy. To suddenly change that dynamic isn't going to happen overnight.

If the trip is a while away then you have time to sit down and talk about how you're not going to do whatever makes him happy any more, that you would like to discuss how that's going to work.

If it's next week, then right or wrong, if your marriage has always worked on his assumption that he can arrange your life then I think you'll have to suck it up this time, but if you're not happy then make sure it doesn't happen again.

How did you get to a state where you're making yourself unhappy just to please him? That's not just regular compromise within a relationship.

He is managing your time - while enjoying his own freedom.This sounds fair ...but only to him.

He isn't thinking of his mother (who will want to spend time with him) or of you (who would want to spend time with your family) in this. (He does seem to be treating you as a subordinate rather than an equal partner here.)

Repeat to yourself :
'I am not a passive resource to be bagged or booked by anyone.'

why? Bollocks. I mean sure, as a SAHM, perhaps there are times when your in laws visit but your Dh is at work so you have to host them during the day. But I can't imagine any scenario where as a SAHM that means you have to have them there when he's off on ajolly somewhere.

I can’t imagine Mil is anything but appalled by this idea. I’d rather eat my own liver than spend nearly a week with my dil.

Had in laws here this year while dh was away. Had a grand time, weird for the first day then we got back to doing all the fun stuff they normally do (board games, poker etc). Could you have both your family and your mil? They might have a fun time all together!

It really really isn't.

Look at where doing everything to make him happy has gotten you.

If you teach people that your own happiness is unimportant and that you are at the bottom of the list, don’t be surprised when that’s how the treat you.

Do you work Op or are you a sahm?. I ask this because if you are a sahm he might think he can tell you what to do because he is the big man bringing home the bacon. Regardless tell him your havi ng your family and his Mother can come when he is home. Sometimes when I read some of these posts I just cant believe the way men act and think and how so many women end up with such A Holes.

I hope you stay firm with this one OP. He is taking the piss! Even if you are not having your family to stay - why can you not have a week on your own with the kids? Nice and cosy for him to be number one son with his Mum by arranging this for her and it's you doing all of the leg work. Just no!

Or, op, you could turn it around. Do you really want me to have a miserable week ? You’re off playing golf and you think I should not only look after the house and kids but have a difficult guest of your choice? Wouldn’t a caring husband want to make the week easier for me not harder?

he sounds more and more like an absolute tosser.

What a pathetically childish response. ‘You got in first with your golfing trip. You may cancel, stay home and host your family. Or you may accept I will host my own fucking family, and also book my own trip away, will you be inviting my mum to stay then, or is this one rule for me and a different one for you??

I also have to wonder... does he often put barriers in place around you spending time with your family? Or your friends? Is this a way to ensure you don't get alone time with your family? Who knows what you might use it for? To tell them about his behaviour or complain about his family? or to allow your children to bond with them?

If he thinks it would be nice to see his mum, why doesn't he take his mum in the holiday?

He doesn't get to dictate who visits the house when you're not there, especially because you probably never get a week away and even if you do, I bet he wouldn't host your parents while you were gone 🙄

I’ve had to host in-laws while DP is away. Am SAH
His mum is a self centered demanding Diva
Separated from his dad
Dad is a bore

I just cope with them, it’s one of the duties for me as am SAH
If I was working FT … would have a reason not to host.

He ‘got in first’?! He sounds like a whinging child!

Have you said no, @BrainAddled ?

I wouldn’t entertain this for a second. He doesn’t get to dictate your social life to ease his conscience! Tell him/her that your family are coming to stay because you want them to. If he wants his family to come and stay, he needs to do it when he’s home.

Please don’t do this!

Definitely have your own family to stay. If he is worried about his dm he can take her with them on the golfing holiday