To want to see my own family instead of hosting in-laws when husband not here?

Don’t even engage in the conversation any more, just say lol every time he says it would be nice for her to stay. He could always cancel the golf trip and stay with her if he feels it would be so nice to see her.

It kinda sounds like he wants someone there to keep an eye on you when he's away, especially as this has happened before too. He needs to butt out and you need to put your foot down. You're seeing your family, if he wants his mum to see the kids then he needs to be there.

Just say NO!

He sounds a right wanker. Do not give in to him.

This

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, he’s taking the piss.

I could just see you going off to a spa or ladies break for five days and leaving him with the kids and your mother.

what a joke!

You didn't mention kids initially - it makes more sense now, that she wants to see them. But it's still a no. You need to be firm so there is no chance he assumes it'll happen another time.

Say yes to your family then say to MIL there won't be room because your family are staying. It's perfectly true and fine.

Your MIL can still come for the day or overnight in a hotel if she likes?

Wow. The fact that you have to ask this, and that your husband thinks this is acceptable is very very worrying about your relationship.

This ^ . Yet another selfish twattish H.

Her DH is going away. So why can't she cope on her own? If she can't cope on her own, you aren't being asked to host you are being asked to be her carer. And that's way more than merely being a host.

If you are hosting it has to be by your agreement and terms otherwise he has to host. He can't offer to host if he's not actually hosting.

His is such a selfish mentality.

His mum wouldn’t stay in your house alone, the whole reason he wants her there is because he is co-opting your time and efforts.

I hope this is the first step to you asserting yourself in many different ways OP.

That's not how it works.

He's not going to be there so it's none of his business how you choose to spend your time.

What else do you do to keep him happy?

I can’t believe he is even hinted for his mum to stay, it’s extremely entitled to expect this.

If he thinks it'll be nice to see her, he can take her on his golf trip. That's a bit fat no to hosting her whilst he's away, you get the chance to have a nice quiet house and see friends, not babysit his mother

I'd see your family he can't get "in first" if he's not going to be there. He's doing his family thing by going golfing with his dad. he could have chosen to do something involving both his parents but chose not to. How you spend your time and who you choose to see when he isn't there is none of his business. he sounds awful.

If he is that worried about his mother being alone then he can either invite her to go on the golfing trip, or he can cancel it, or tell his dad to stay home and he finds another golfing partner. Those are his choices and none involve you.

Invite your own family and have a lovely time.

I'm also a little concerned that you always do what makes him happy even if it makes you unhappy. Can you expand on that? Do you think he wants his mother in the house so she spies on you, or because it prevents you from having family, friends or nights out?

Don't Do It.
Foolishly agreed to hosting ILs when DH away 30 years ago.....set a precedent which is a thorn in my side. Have tried to reset presumptions over the years but met with surprise. Just Don't Let It Happen.
Enjoy your time in your way.

Yes you need to start being more assertive. If you want your family to come and see you when DH is away you just state that your family is coming. If DH then complains that her mum has to stay alone at home when he is taking his dad away you tell him that his dad should have thought about it before agreeing on the boys' trip.

I would find this very conniving and controlling. He gets to enjoy a week away while:

1 - Dumping his mother on you to entertain.
2 - Ensuring you don't relax that week as you are hosting his mum.
3 - He can check on what you are doing and where you are at all times via mum.
4 - Blocking your family from visiting, when you see them less often that the in-laws in general.

I would phone MIL and let her know there has been a miscommunication, that your family are coming for week but if she wants there are some very nice hotels in the next town over if she fancied visiting for a day or two. I would also be considering how to re-balance this marriage as I bet this is not the only time he has pulled a stunt like this, I bet you describe him as a lovely, kind man (as long as he always gets his own way)

His response really does make you feel like this doesn’t it? ‘Oh you asked first?? Let me be super clear, I would rather burn the house down and live in a tent than have your mother come to stay while you are away.’

Seriously, is he 5 years old?
So, OK he asked first. But your response is a firm no because you are hosting your family. When he gets back he can host his family and take care of the kids (while you go away). If your DH is entitled it's because you let him. You need to reeducate him in order for him to consider your needs and feelings. Start asap. Good luck!

I would rather chop my own head off than do this.

No I wouldn't be doing this. Yes I'd help out if she needed something doing but I wouldn't be hosting MIL if H was away.

Put your foot down. He doesn't get to dictate what you do on your own time.

Well the obvious answer is "no"
But- you do have some choices
1/ cancel your parents, be the submissive wife running round after
MiL.

2/ Have them all to stay 😳.

3/ Just say no.

You could soften the blow by inviting the Pil in a few weeks. But imho you need to have strong words with your DH about dropping you in it without asking and checking with you first before he opens his mouth.

👆🏼