To want to see my own family instead of hosting in-laws when husband not here?

That sounds unbelievably controlling, not healthy and a huge red flag.

He is not around but is controlling your time still.

This is not normal, nor acceptable and I bet is not in isolation.

How he reacts to NO will be interesting.
Does he accept it?
Or are you afraid of him?

I suggest you consider contacting Women's aid, because I think you might be tolerating a lot more than this.

That doesn't seem very fair. He's getting to do what he wants, which is fair enough. But he's asking you to do.what he wants too?!!! I'd push back and say no. He isn't going to be there to see them. Say, you're choosing to go.away with your dad, so I'm choosing to have my mum over. We both get to do.what we want, right?! Otherwise thats very manipulative and controlling of him.

@LightDrizzle
Is he 6? He baggsied it by saying it first?
He is a cheeky fucker. Don’t entertain this, he doesn’t get to dictate this, he’s so far out of line it’s breathtaking.
I think to avoid being bulldozed you need to message or call your MIL directly to let her know DH mentioned her coming round to stay but your family are coming and as she can imagine, you are looking to catching up with them as you don’t see them often, but big thanks for being willing to help out! ♥️

This 100% ^

OP adding up what you've said across your posts it sounds like he is generally selfish and you end up walking on eggshells and doing what he wants to keep the peace.

That is no way to live. Use this opportunity to stand up for yourself. Be prepared, it will turn nasty. But please don't live the rest of your life pandering to a selfish (and by the sound of it childish) bully.

this is the solution to SO MANY MN PROBLEMS MrsTP.

I've been around as long as you and honestly, I think we're going backwards.

I hosted my MIL for a couple of nights a month or 2 ago. My husband went on a sports related trip with his dad and he arranged for her to come.
He arranged it and at first I wasn't sure as I didn't know if it would make my life any easier but MIL is really lovely and helpful and we ended up having a lovely time.
If my family were free to visit during that time I would have prioritized seeing them though!

Omg I would be devastated if I had to host MIL instead of spending time by myself or with my family. And I get on with my MIL (which is why she would think it would be outrageous if DH suggested she came to visit 😃). It's his family and he does this stuff when he's actually around. I would be tempted to tell him that MIL is welcome to come but I would go and stay with my family (or a hotel). Stay firm!

Is he the possessive jealous type OP, does he want his mother there so you can’t have a good time without him? I can’t think of any other reason. He sounds a peach….Tell him to sod off.

Put it this way, would he entertain your parents without you there? No, I don’t think so.

What a bizarre expectation. Of course you'll want to see your family while he's away

Even if no one is visiting her, OP should say no.

I would relish a few days on my own, no way would I want to be taking care of MIL.

I say this with kindness… grow a backbone.

He doesn’t get to dictate your time, why on earth would you think he does?!

You want to see your family. Tell him you’re not hosting his mum and that’s the end of the matter.

He wants his mum there to spy on you whilst he's away.

And therein lies your problem. Do what pleases you and if he doesn't like it, tough luck! You have every right to prioritise your family.

Also, it's nothing to do with getting in first! Does he think he's your keeper? He sounds like a sexist twat!

What an incredibly selfish person your DH sounds. It doesn't sound as it this is a new thing.
Good for you for not giving in and for choosing to see your family instead.

"That only works if YOU are here to host her, DH."

You're married to an arse.

I did say that, if he had the choice he would prioritise seeing his family, and he said “I got in first, I asked first about my mum staying first”

Is he 12??
What adult says that with a shred of seriousness?

Im absolutely with you and everyone else here. You host your family - especially given that you only see them 4 times a year.

100%

Just say no, she's not your responsibility to host and entertain and you won't be doing it on your time. He can stay home and host her or invite her to go with him and his dad.

So he kills three birds with one stone - gives his dad a good time by taking him away, makes sure his mum has company and gets to see the grandkids (again) and makes sure you don't get to do anything for yourself or spend time with your family.

He is a selfish, controlling pig. Stand up for yourself. He doesn't get to decide what you do when he is away enjoying himself by inviting his mum first.

Tough. You’re not children claiming dibs on the front seat. You’re adults.

did he check whether dates were convenient to you, whether you were ok with him buggering off for 5 days before he’d confirmed and booked it with his father?

you are entitled to spend these 5 days as you see fit. Go away yourself for a few days if you want. He’s spending a minimum (and potentially a huge amount more) of £50 a day on golf, plus eating out, and accommodation. And if what you’re any is having your family to stay while he’s not even there, then its up to you.

you’re not his mums babysitter. And even if you were he has no right to book a trip away until he’s confirmed with you that you’re happy with the arrangement and how no other preferred plans.

sod that.

even the idea of this makes me want to stay single for ever

Ridiculous.

I'd say very calmly, 'I won't be hosting your mother whilst you are away. Primarily because I don't want to, but also because it's a good opportunity to actually see my own family. In fact, I may go over to stay with them for a break whilst you are having a lovely holiday with your Dad. Or I might just book myself a few days somewhere once you get back'.

You have your own family to stay.

It's really unreasonable of him to think you want to host your MIL instead of your family. I truly hope he fully accepts your decision and doesn't try to persuade you otherwise.

Just say "no, I wouldn't expect you to host my dad if I go away with my mum. This isn't happening"
How about he takes his mum with them and she can just relax around the hotel all day.

As soon as you said Golf I knew it was going to involve an unreasonable request!

Wonder why?