One week at a new school and my son is a different boy (ASD)

And yes to the survivors guilt. I have so many friends whose DC are still struggling in mainstream or whose DC have no school place at all. Every child should be able to have an education at a school that can understand them and meet their needs.

The same has been true for my DS (also autistic but very academically able). Once he came out of mainstream school into an independent specialist school, and moved on from the trauma associated with school (mostly stemming from the inappropriate use of restraint in mainstream) he just thrived. He has friends, he is absolutely flying academically, the staff think he is amazing, I haven't been called in to pick him up early for over 3 years, he's sat some external exams for the first time and done incredibly well.

Mainstream doesn't work for every child but unfortunately unless you either (a) allow mainstream to fail them in order to prove that they need something different, or (b) have the money to pay for something different without letting them go through the trauma that (a) causes... then there's no alternative on offer. So many children are being failed and traumatised and damaged for life by the lack of suitable school places.

@Merryoldgoat I'm so glad your DS is doing well ❤️

I'm a bit late to this party, but us too. DD8 started at her new school, a tiny, SEMH Inde (via the EHCP I fought for).

School called, and were so positive about her first few days, how she's worked and settled in, I cried.

One tiny, but very telling difference was that she didn't want/need to take a soft toy with her for comfort.

And could not agree more @Merryoldgoat there should be so many more schools like hers. I feel an almost 'survivors' guilt' that because I have the ability to fight for DD, she's got what she needs (after 4 years of trauma in mainstream ) when so many other families have equal needs.

Mine too! He sprang out of the taxi after his first day and was all smiles. He now does PE, and they got him to whittle a stick! He has more energy in the evening.

My ds 16 has been in a indi sen school since year 5 and just passed all of his gcses at least grade 4. There's no state SEN school in county that sits gcses. It's been life changing and he unfortunately is the vast minority case that got his needs met.

That's amazing to hear!! I have a year 7 son too, and the last 3 weeks have been amazing. Such a change from the start of a new academic year in primary school. I hope things stay this way, fingers crossed!l fir bith of them!

Very similar to when my dd1 went from a mainstream primary to a special secondary. The change in her was immense. She made so many friends, (she had barely any in primary) and she's still in touch with most of them now at 21.

I could of also written this post. 6 months ago i was considering home schooling but wanted to give high school a chance. We have had a complete turn around. From running away for teachers in primary, escaping from them. Leaving him screaming daily. Now in a school that cares, , treat him with compassion and follow his statement. He even has joined 2 after school clubs.

Seems to be happening to mine as well, at 17 - he dropped out of sixth form at his previous school and has restarted A levels at a subject specialist sixth form college which is not a special school but by its nature has more students with autism than average so is designed to be more autism-friendly than most schools manage to be.
We’ve had so many disappointments over the years that I am terrified to jinx it by saying it’s going well but so far all the signs are good.

Nonono...I wasn't trying to imply that it's a problem you want to solve! I know from previous threads that you're a lot more modern-thinking than that in your approach to parenting when it comes to ASD :) I think my story missed the mark I was aiming for, though....

My anecdote was purely aimed at saying that, even undiagnosed and in a school not designed to cater for autistic folk, just the embiggening of the world and lots of new people to observe can make for a happier autistic child just from the exposure to new experiences and people (but, obviously, not always - sometimes, it's catastrophic). The experience of moving to secondary school taught me that there's value in putting in the effort to try new things where it's possible - that not all change is bad, and it's sometimes worth pushing through my natural resistance to form new boundaries a bit further out.

Basically, it was supposed to be a positive :)

In my experience, for what it's worth, there's still a certain amount of masking and scripting that goes on between autistic folk...there's always a sort of negotiation period that goes on where both parties kind of adjust to see how much (or how little) of their mask needs to be there to ensure a harmonious interaction, and then it gradually drops over time. As adults we kind of laugh about it (once we feel safe to do so), I'd actually be really curious to see how autistic schoolkids handle it...I'd imagine that, in the environment you describe, it's a much quicker and more matter-of-fact process.

For what it's worth, this exact thing happened to me when I went to secondary school - I suddenly had a whole new set of people to observe and copy social interactions from, and I got to start again with a clean slate and with none of the memory of all the social mistakes I'd made (which kids never forget).

Basically, outwardly I was an entirely new version of "me".

While there was extra pressure in terms of the additional masking (I was, obviously, undiagnosed at that point), there was also something freeing in the fact that I could build that new version as something that was much closer to me without needing to pay attention to the baggage. The result was that my parents - particularly my mother, for whom it was "the family problem" - thought I'd grown out of it; it was much easier to maintain the new facade both at school and at home, so it looked to all intents and purposes like I'd abruptly changed into a happy kid.

While this might sound bad, it really wasn't - the reality is that I was much happier. My social life had expanded, I had a supportive group of friends, I could be much closer to the real "me", I felt like I was making progress in all parts of my life and there was a lot less stress now that all of the above contributed to academic success (failure was a big stressor for me).

Ultimately, I was the exact same kid. The only change was that my world suddenly got a whole lot bigger, and (counter-intuitively) that made everything much easier for me to cope with.

This is just an anecdote (and please treat it as such), but it does seem spookily similar to your son's journey; I genuinely had a great time at secondary school, and I hope he does too!

Op that's fantastic news to hear. So pleased for you X let's hope the progress continues x my son used to struggle at school but wouldn't talk to me about it. Just kept his head down. Waiting for a autism diagnosis (now 19 year old). He finally saw a doctor last year and she has been fantastic with him

So pleased for you! Can I ask how and when you got the diagnosis.
My DD has just started Y3 and is immediately struggling with the change of pace. I've suspected ASD for a while but school is not helpful. She's finding maths particularly tricky

I’m so pleased for you and your DS. What a relief!

Sooooo happy for you and your DS OP!

What great news. What a huge relief for you.

I remember years ago my DM worrying about DB starting secondary as he was unhappy at juniors and she thought it would just get worse. Turned out he loved the different subjects and going to different classrooms and actually enjoyed school.

I'm so pleased for your son

But sadly, it won't be the same for many others as there are so few schools like yours.

I hope he continues to thrive - it's such a relief for you

Thats such a lovely post, so brilliant for your ds!