Friend constantly asking for childcare

I have a friend like this, I gave free child care for years and I just had enough in the end and never have them now and ignore any requests to look after her kids, she's much better off than me and I got fed up of struggling along while she swanned about whilst I looked after her kids. Say no

You need to say no OP but be prepared for her not to like that. CFs always get really pissed off when someone sets a boundary.

Absolutely fine to say no but personally I’d have a chat about it face to face since it’s recurrent rather than just a no on the WhatsApp group. Explain that you don’t want to find yourself in a regular commitment but happy to help in emergencies (for example).

I actually think the life comparison does come into it. She has help and can afford it. Different if she was a single mum working 3 jobs trying to make ends meet.

What is the 6 year old doing until they are walked to school? Who is looking after them until then? Would they be on their own until that time. Or are they also expecting you to looking after them until it's time to walk to school?

‘i’m afraid that doesn’t work for me’
on repeat

This is perfect I am going to practice saying “Good Lord no I’ve got enough on” until it trips off the tongue in every similar scenario 😆

Good grief no.

Of course not don't be ridiculous

You asked me last week and haven't returned the favour yet

Good Lord no I've got enough on

I've got enough on my plate

No

There is no way I'd commit to walking someone else's kid to school once a week. It's just so clearly not my problem. She needs to get her child to school. It's not hard. A regular commitment, yes, but isn't that what happens when you decide to have children?

It sounds like she has the mentally of "Don't ask, don't get". It can get you quite far, especially if you're surrounded by people who struggle to say "No". Just decline, no explanation needed, unless you want to reciprocate at some point.

I think I would say, “Sorry it’s tough enough wrangling three out of the house for the school run at the moment, especially with the baby only being four months. I don’t need any added complications on top of that.”

You sound jealous tbh. Her mortgage shouldn't come into it.

Just say no but don't do it out of spite

Tell her to fuck off and to look after the kids she gave birth to.

She doesnt sound like a friend at all.

She does however, sound like a free-loading cunt.

So you go ahead and ask her to babysit for an evening of her choice (so she can't say no:). You seem reluctant to ask for help even though she has offered. Just do it. This is how friendship works!

A friend asking you to walk her DC to school once a week as you're walking anyway doesn't seem too much of a favour to ask tbh. It's not like you're doing something you wouldn't do anyway. It wouldn't bother me a bit and I would be happy to help out. As long as you make it clear that if your DC is ill you won't be able to walk her DC obviously.

Why is it a problem for you? Do you never ask your friends to help you out? Next time it might be you needing help. I think YABU since It's just an extra child to take with you to school. As a Sahm I have been taking kids to and from school and also for whole days when school was closed. My children were happy for the company and I was happy to help out. I really don't understand your reluctance OP? Is she really a friend of yours?

Is it inconvenient for you to take her child to school once a week? If not then I don’t see the problem. But make sure you ask for a favour in return to relieve some of the pressures you have. Life can change in an instant and you might need people to rely on so I think it’s always good to help others if you are able to.

The comparison to her working hours and personal finances I find bizarre and irrelevant.

I would start asking her if she’ll watch your kids. Everytime she asks just say “oh I was actually about to ask you if you’ll watch little eggbert”

Regular childcare requests are really only acceptable imo if it a reciprocal arrangement that benefits both parties

Completely agree. It’s one thing to ask if you could take her son to school on Wednesday because she needs to go to the dentist/she’s ill or whatever. Quite another to try to rope you into a regular commitment just because it suits her. I’d say no without hesitation. She’s a CF.

‘No can do, Mary. My hands are full with my own.’ That’s all you need to say.

You have enough to cope with in the mornings without an extra child - presumably if you wanted to childmind then you would charge. Don’t apologise - just say it doesn’t suit you.

Just say no every time, and she will stop asking in the end. I have a couple of friends who take the piss (one with money and the other with favours) and after realising they were CF I just automatically say no to every request they make. I’m happy to help people out generally but only a reasonable amount!

I would actually have a very firm chat with her and let her know that her expectations are CF'ery. You have more than enough on your plate. She chose to have kids and needs to commit to raising them just as you are doing with yours.

It gives me the shits when women ask for childcare favours in order to not inconvenience their partners/husbands. Regular childcare requests are really only acceptable imo if it a reciprocal arrangement that benefits both parties. Your friend sounds like a cf so I would start saying no every time, it will be interesting to see if she remains a friend.

I don’t really understand the comparison with her life, it’s not relevant.

You’re hands are full, fine to say no to any request.

Er, no??

if she is asking a group of you, presumable whatsapp or similar - do you even need to reply?

You sound bitter about the nearly mortgage free. It won't be just the constant asking for favours - life choices - like having four children - will also be a factor.