Friend constantly asking for childcare

You might like to consider saying yes, if you did want to start going out a bit more that is . You could say yes, if in exchange she'd babysit one Saturday evening a month. You'd see if she'd help you back that way, and get some time to go out if she does.

A woman came into my realm once that was exactly as you describe. I helped her out by minding her baby once and that was it. I could never and would never become friends with someone who was such a taker, it is unlikely that this kind of attitude wasn't there even before children. Fuck that, the world is full of kind, decent, reciprocally minded people, I don't waste my time or energy or spare capacity on the other kind. In your case it would be a hard no and with no apologies and if she pushed it, I'd be letting her know more.

I think it's relevant in that it makes her much cheekier to be asking at all!

OP, she's an absolute piss-taker. Keep saying no.

I think I know what you mean.

But this woman has regular help from her mum and her husband is off golfing on this occasion. So I don't think that's what happened here, I think it's just a classic cf.

Erm, no, what’s not nice is this CF asking OP, knowing OP works full time, has 3 kids (;one a baby), a sick father and very little help from anyone else

Of course she’s unreasonable to ask!

"I can't commit to any more regular commitments at the moment."

Optional
"You're welcome to try me if you're really stuck one day "

Problem is, one day becomes 2 then 3 - and it’s annoying, they’re late, or too early, you’re running around trying to get yours sorted and there’s another voice wanting something - or the house gets trashed or they haven’t had breakfast etc - or no PE kit and it’ll drive you mad.

Will she still be your friend when you tell her you're not doing this?

YANBU
If she comes back tell her …..As a rule, I always try to help out in real emergencies but as I’m sure you can understand, it’s impossible for me to commit to a regular weekly favour as my hands are completely full with looking after my own children and it’s especially hard with the morning routine.

I was watching a documentary a few years ago, can't remember what country it was in but they essentially all mucked in for childcare and it looked bloody amazing. Such a community.

The problem in the UK is that we've lost that due to the lifestyles we are all now forced to live. So if you say yes it's very likely you won't have the favour returned.

Yep- just say no, I cant do that. No excuses, justifications or apologies. She's massively taking the piss. If she distances from you after this you'll know she was just using you.

Absolutely YANBU, she is being a cheeky so and so and if she knows that is going to need it regularly than needs to be getting proper paid childcare in place like every other parent does...

An extra child on the school run when you already have three is an inconvenience. I would be saying no.

Is it inconvenient for you to take her child to school once a week

Any sort of regular, open ended obligation is inconvenient almost by definition, I think - apart from anything else, it takes away your freedom to do something else. And if, for some reason, she’s not doing that walk on that day, she feels obliged to explain herself/offer another solution. I also remember a thread on here where someone had agreed to this sort of situation and the kid was awfully behaved and she felt it was then difficult to reverse the arrangement on that basis.

Completely different if the friend had said “Would you walk my son to school on Monday and I’ll take yours on Tuesday” as there is reciprocity there.

Maybe her husband is a dick and won’t change his plans to accommodate the kids, and she is responsible for it all.

not saying that means you should provide childcare but it might be why she asks.

If you don't want to do it just say, sorry too much on my hands with my lot.

If actually you're going anyway and it's not too much hassle why not suggest she takes your child on another day. No reason for you both doing the trip everyday....

You've got alot on your hands maybe a friend to share school runs would make both your lives easier.

Her mortgage has nothing to do with you

Have you never asked her for childcare back?

If age will taje your children to school on one of her days off yes, otherwise no as having more than 3 is just too much.

I only do regular favours on a reciprocal basis ( so not actually favours)- like I car pool trips to school with a neighbour so we both do 2 days a week. I’ll do one off favours and not sweat it but not regular.

Nope, No Can Do, I'm totally overloaded.

That's all you need to say.

What a cf! Start saying no!

Because what happens if you DC is ill and you can't take the other. Or you are running late one morning and then DH takes them. Or you just are late full stop and then all kids are late. Or this kid isn't ready on time and the toddler is slow walking.
There's a 100 reasons why a regular arrangement is not ideal. One off is of course absolutely fine. Or even a few times but commitment every week is quite a lot

I would only do it in an emergency, or if it was being recipocated. I told a neighbour this when she was asking for help with the morning school run. She looked shocked and replied, I'm not babysitting for you! So there you go, some very stupid, lazy and selfish people about. Just don't reply to the group chat. If she messages you privately, say no I can't as my child is hard work at the moment. Never say yes again. No more Sundays too, say you've joined a club/going swimming/visiting family/finding it too much etc.

You are on maternity leave, ask her to come one of her non working days to take care of your kids and give you rest.
Nah, honestly tell her no, you can't.

You politely say no without a reason. You don’t need an excuse. She’s a CF who sees an opportunity and thinks she will grab it.

I am always happy to help out in emergencies or one off situations and have done many times. But I don’t provide regular free childcare to save other people money.