Friend constantly asking for childcare

Say no. Dress it up as in a few months time you will be back at work and leaving her in the lurch’ so better that she organized something now.

can’t bear people who think it’s ok to have kids because they want them and then freeload for childcare.

You are well within your rights to say no, OP - however walking a child to school one day per week - when you are going there anyway, doesn't seem a big deal really. Sounds a tad melodramatic

Either do this or dont. To say no is going to look petty tho perhaps,

All the other stuff about her being mortgage free is just white noise.

She's got 2 kids, one who is 12 (so basically requires pretty minimal "looking after") yet you have 3, including a 4 month old baby and she's asking YOU to look after her kids whilst her husband plays golf?!

The cheeky cow!!! Her and her husband should be ashamed of themselves. They won't be of course...

She’s got a cheek tbh. I was in a similar position to you this time last year, although the mother wasn’t a close friend. Just someone I’d met at the school. She would drop it on me that she couldn’t pick her son up at least once a week. “Oh I’ve got a telephone doctors appointment as the exact time the school bell goes, I think I’ve got food poisoning, I have a migraine, I’m working, I finally flipped when she barged her way through a group of me and my actual mates talking, and demanded I give her a lift home by 9am because she had an online course!! The best part was, I live a 15 minute drive from the school, and she lives in the same street as the school. You can’t make it up! She hasn’t asked since though, so bonus! 🏆 💕

Also, where people have said “it’s just an extra child” - yes it is but she could as easily be offering to take your child to school as it’s “just an extra one” bearing in mind everything you’ve got in.

Say you've already got your hands full, and maybe send some details of a local childminder you just happened to find. What a CF!

You make a good point 😂

You have to learn to just say no. There doesn’t need to be a whole list of reasons why. Just a simple no I’m sorry that won’t work for me.

Just say you can't commit to a regular thing no. ☺️

Just say no. How much other help she gets is really irrelevant. And why don't you start asking her for help occassionally?

Wow is she insane? YANBU

If you don't want to lose the friendship then you need to feel comfortable saying no. The alternative is to say yes and feel resentful, which could ultimately result in your loss of the friendship anyway.

What you need to find is a way of saying No to her that also lets her realise she's been unreasonable (although from what you've said she sounds stingy and also strategically oblivious which is a bad combo.)

ie if she messages - "Nope - exhausted right now with kids, baby, Dad being so unwell and can't take on anything extra, sorry!"

And just keep repeating that. I think it's reasonable to mention your dad. The invisible mental load of a parent with dementia is considerable, your plate is full.

Ideally she'll get the picture but ultimately if you decide you're done with giving her free childcare and will be saying no (and don't allow yourself to feel guilty) you'll be much happier.

I don’t get asked for childcare favours often because people know I work full time (thank goodness).

And I have no trouble saying no if it does work, even if it’s not due to work.

But if I ever do say yes, I tend to say “oh it’s so nice for me to be able to help this time, as I almost never can”. Quite helpful in not creating an expectation! I don’t say it in a way that sounds PA!

No no no no.

Is it inconvenient for you to take her child to school once a week? If not then I don’t see the problem.

The point being, if you want a regular service, you pay money to someone who provides that. You don't request it for free from others.

Its a favour if you ask it once in a while because you're ill etc,not where you try and get friends to act as a childminder for you for free

Her mortgage has nothing to do with you

I don't agree! All these pps saying OP is jealous - what a strange take.

Of course this friend's lifestyle and mortgage are relevant. OP is making the point that she is in the position to afford childcare but would rather get it free. Also, she clearly has family around (OP doesn't - I was in that position) and takes that for granted. She has much more flexibility than OP but is very entitled and has no awareness of how cheeky she's being.

Her husband shouldn't be playing golf while a put-upon friend watches their children!

I'm with you OP - you are not being unreasonable or jealous.

The problem with a regular arrangement is that very quickly, rather than seeing it as a massive favour, it becomes expected. And then, when you decide you don't want to do it anymore, you are suddenly the baddie.

Setting up something reciprocal sounds a good plan and then you could go out a bit more?
You sound like you have a lot on and could do with a break - and nice to have someone you can mutually rely on.
I would try and forget about the mortgage difference! Don't think it's relevant and sounds slightly bitter which I'm sure isn't intended. She's clearly in a very lucky position!

And, it's a 'no' from me. Focus on your own little one and tell your friend that your little one likes to stop to look at the flowers and nature and is very interested in her walk to nursery and that is a precious time for just the two of you. No offence, but sounds as if your friend is a tad skiver where her kids are concerned. Her children, her, choice, her problem, she made them!

If you have to pay £15 an hour for a night out because you have no one to help, can’t you use this reciprocally? If she asks for childcare in the week (and you’re able to accommodate) just say yes, but we need a babysitter on Sat night can you help too please? Then it’s either win win for you both, or she’ll stop asking.

100% this.

Her and her Sunday Golfing Husband.

Still trying to live the single life without their offspring interfering with their schedule. Well guess what??? When you have kids YOU become responsible for them, not your neighbours or friends. So be responsible for them, including giving up your Sunday round of golf or whatever.

You could say yes, if in exchange she'd babysit one Saturday evening a month.

In my experience at least, this is not how it works with people like this. They are takers. She’ll agree to it and then renege, leaving the OP stuck with a daily school run as she’ll look oh-so-petty if she then says she won’t do it. Someone reasonable would have offered her that to begin with - a could you do x for me and maybe I could do y or z for you? By the sound of it, this friend just looks for opportunities for childcare wherever she can. I’d steer well clear if I were the OP. Much better to try a reciprocal Saturday arrangement with someone else if that’s what she wants.

Why on earth don't you reply with "Sure I can look after little David/Annabelle but it will be €20/£15 per hour. My time is worth something so I've decided to start charging for it. I can give you my Venmo/Revolut/Bank Details so that you can pay when you collect your child".

They are only CFkers if we allow them to remain CFkers.