AIBU colleague leaving do

I think too many people are missing the point. It would be nice to show appreciation for someone who has worked with you for a long time.
Due to everyone's lack of interest, I would pass round a card to sign and perhaps take in a cake [homemade or bought, doesn't matter] to have a little celebration in the afternoon for whoever is there. When one of my colleagues left after a long time, everyone commented on how they would be missed but no one made any effort for them. I found that very sad.
I also find that the higher up the company ladder they are, the stingier they are.

What a cold and mean spirited way to live. We all have bigger fish to fry in theory but is it really that much to ask to chuck tenner in a card or go and raise a glass to someone you have worked alongside or found a good colleague (or even an ok one!) over years. As for considering it grabby or demanding, I have no words. Maybe, just maybe this human being, not machine, would like to.leave feeling good about themselves, their work, their colleagues, I consider that a perfectly normal thing to want.

"A colleague whom has been with us a long time, is leaving, and they've told me they'd love a leaving do"

Sounds very grabby, needy and demanding.

No wonder nobody cares about attending some pseudo-leaving do.

People have bigger fish to fry. So what if this person trained others, regardless of whether it was their job or not, they were paid to do it.

Work is work, not a social club.

Meh.

Your colleagues are selfish so-and-sos.

YANBU

I don't know what, if anything, you should do but that is fucking miserable of them and there really is zero excuse. Some will find excuses as they have on here - money, time, other commitments - but the bottom line is that people are increasingly unwilling to extend themselves for others or even just have a bit of fun and connection outside of their own 'lane'. I've contributec to and attended leavers dos for people when very new to jobs, it is all part of creating a culture of giving a shit and treating each other like humans, not automatons. I don't know how people can box off a whole section of their lives where they spend lots of time as 'that's work' and apparently not care one damn about people they have worked alongside and gotten to know over years. No wonder late stage capitalism is as rapacious as it is, there is so little solidarity amongst people.

If you don't normally go out together that isn't going to change now

In a similar situation where a colleague had decided to retire a bit early because of challenges with their actual manager (my peer) I
secured £500 funding from work which I used to book a buffet in a bar right next to the office for straight after work (with people to buy their own drinks)
invite from my work calendar set up in outlook with everyone she wanted and some blurb about forwarding
dragged the manager and his pa in so they were part of arrangements
set up a thank box for a collection and sent numerous reminders that it was available to the invitee list and others at remote locations, in the leadership team etc
personally prompted people re the leaving event - we didn’t have everyone who had been close to her but we had a decent turn out

It was time consuming but did mean that colleague was able to leave on the right note.
You sound like you’re waiting for permission but unless you work in a very toxic environment you shouldn’t need it - if you take the initiative others will just remember it as a positive reflection on you and how you live your values in the workplace

Miserable sods. I would do a lunch leaving do with posh nibbles and present leaver with a bouquet of flowers and a gift and make a short speech. At lunch wveryone has to come..
I damn well would go to everyone asking for money too.
Your managers suck btw and your colleagues.

Sorry no one has replied at all, that's a bit rubbish. And a bit odd for a small close-knit team. The way we always do it is that we go for a team lunch somewhere near the office and also have a card and envelope which lives in a drawer in the office for people to sign/contribute in the run up. Someone sends an email round everyone saying 'we're having a lunch on x date for y's leaving, please accept or decline the invite so we know numbers'. If you send it like a calendar invite then they are prompted to respond one way or the other. I agree that people are generally less keen to do after work stuff these days.

Thank box is your friend. An online card where people can donate money if they want and write msgs.
I'm sorry your company is being shit.

Once its arranged get the colleague who is leaving to do the whole 'hey are you coming to my leaving do?'. In my last job we didn't go out together but we went to leaving dos. I scheduled mine last minute on purpose so that it wasn't 30 people and instead those that I was closer to/preferred/worked with the most and who I would have genuine conversation with.

We also always got a leaving gift, and the pressure doesn't have to be on for getting money off people but it's a nice thing to do to recognise how they have contributed over the years. They don't sound like nice people, however, with the cost or living crisis maybe they all are stumped and avoiding saying we can not afford to do either.

Arrange it for when most people are actually in on the last day of the month. Send and invite blocking out time saying if they could come great. Say there will be lunch provided in x space. Assume this is possible.

If mo one replies, then ask for a budget to take x out for lunch on company time. Dont rush back. If nothing else, you'll get the low down on lots. You'll also be able to reflect if its really the close knit team you describe as not replying doesn't say close knit to me. They can't all be rude and don't care so find out what the real reason is.

Are people working at desks or on their feet? Has anyone seen the messages?

Really, the leaver should have arranged it

It’s great that you want to organize something… but It’s not a manager’s job to plan and execute this type of activity.

It’s my job to do the following:

• set expectations for a respectful culture
• empower and encourage my teams to work together
• empower team to show appreciation for each other
• inject a little fun and ‘something to tell your spouse/friend about at the end of the day’ on occasion - not tied to any event.
• Encourage growth professionally for employees
• encourage employees to advance (internally or externally)
• Show appreciation with opportunities for advancement, development, and more money
• And all of those boring but necessary business things that have to get done in a day.

Any manager will tell you that organizing anything other than a 1:1 leaving thing is a recipe for disaster long term. You can’t force employees to participate, you can’t force them to give money, someone will always feel slighted.

If my employees organize something themselves, great! If they don’t, then that’s fine too. Like I said I offer a 1;1 lunch so everyone gets the same leaving do from me.

How do I know this is the right approach? I get pictures of my remote team’s cube decorations by their coworkers, I was invited to a team chat made up by team that they had nicknamed “The Dream Team” (which I promptly left after they shared some good personal news), any time I offer 1 employee an ‘atta boy’ their first reaction is to tell me it was a team effort. I once had to negotiate with a terminally shy employee a 40th work anniversary present from her coworkers that consisted of an unwrapped box left under her desk with the present and nobody saying a word about it out loud.

I’m sorry that your coworker isn’t getting a big a farewell, quite frankly that sucks. But how much better would morale be if your manager forced the team?

My goodness, you’re a joy aren’t you!

It is absolutely the responsibility of the manager to acknowledge the work and contribution of the departing colleague by some sort of event - if not them, then who?

No one should feel obliged to contribute to a leaving gift - hence the circulation of the anonymous card/contribution.

I’m glad I never had to work with someone so grudging.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice. I just think that's really sad for your colleague who is leaving. I also think it's sad for you, as a person with a generous heart, as you will have to carry on working with people who you know don't give a shit about other people's feelings.

Little things mean a lot to some, for various reasons. My DH works his socks off for his employer. At Christmas, he got given a bottle of nice champagne and a thanks for all the hard work by his line manager. Just him. You should have seen his face. He doesn't even drink. It was just the thought that made him beam.

You are a thoughtful and kind person.

I don’t see that you can do any more, it’s really not your responsibility. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it. I know you feel bad - perhaps a card and a little personal gift might help you feel better about the circumstances and at least they’ll know that you appreciated them but as I’ve said, it really should not be down to you.

How it used to work is a card is bought and sent around with people adding money into the envelope with list of names on a separate piece of paper once card signed you tick your name off. Not sure how it works now since covid and wfh. I'm self employed now so don't have colleagues.

Oh dear, it’s all a bit of a mess, isn’t it? Really, it should be down to your colleague’s manager to sort this out and it’s really rather poor that they haven’t. Kudos to you for picking up the baton but it shouldn’t be your responsibility and no one should have to organise their own leaving do, no matter whether it’s just coffee and cake or a session down at the pub.

Nope… managers should not be organizing this.

The most I do is a private lunch with the departing employee if they want. Anything else either sets up an expectation that I’m a social director if a work time thing or puts undue and unwanted pressure one team members to attend if it’s an after hours thing.

If a team member arranges something after hours, I as a manager, have a very specific role. I show up, buy a round and get the hell out.

Otherwise it’s warm wishes for their future and letting them skate with full pay early.

ETA: It is absolutely inappropriate for managers to shake down employees for contributions.

^^ This. A small, close knit team and you haven't spoken to people and got the lie of the land?

If it’s a small team I am puzzled why you have not approached them individually or asked your boss to message the group to encourage participation could be a company lunch?