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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner says I'm lazy

30 replies

Ionasmum19 · 18/09/2024 21:56

I have been signed off of work due to my mental health which I have struggled with for a while. My partner is a self employed painter and decorater. He will come home from work and have a go at me and call me lazy for not being at work. He says I sit and do nothing all day which isn't true. I take our dd to school, do the shopping, housework etc then go back to collect dd in the afternoon. If he comes home and there are weeds in the garden, my coffee cup hasn't been washed etc, then it is a row as he says he has been working hard all day and I've done nothing. I understand he works hard but it's not my fault I'm not at work, my doctor has said I'm not fit to be there. AIBU for being annoyed by this or am I as lazy as he makes out? Apologies for the rambling post!

OP posts:
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Naunet · 19/09/2024 09:19

Farting · 18/09/2024 22:01

Perhaps you need to get a grip and he’s right.

Yes because of course, he knows better than a trained, qualified professional and OP herself. Whenever I need advice on my mental health, I seek out a painter and decorater.

🙄

Bigfuckoffmarrow · 19/09/2024 08:48

If you are off work it might be a stress to him as he can't see what the future holds and if you are going back. He might be concerned about money. I don't think he is being particularly understanding though and a bit pedantic with it. A coffee cup isn't a big deal.

What are you doing to get well again? Are you on any waiting lists or doing things for yourself to get back to work? He might see the teeny tiny things as signs you are not going back to work and have accepted your health as the status quo, rather than a break to get well. You shouldn't have to explain to him, but I think it is best to reiterate that you want to go back to work but him making you feel like shit is only goung to prolong you being off. You also need to prioritise yourself, and some things around the house might not get done in the meantime and he needs to help.

Painting and decorating isn't that fecking hard though. If he sees his job as the only contribution required and his work is entirely done when he clocks off from that (and the wife has to work and manage the home) it is him who is lazy.

GuPuddingRamekinHoarder · 18/09/2024 23:23

Icedlatteofdreams · 18/09/2024 22:07

This is not being sarcastic but have you ever attributed your mental health issues to how he treats you? Because I bet this isn't the only time he calls you names and is mean. It's amazing how many women I know whose mental health has improved dramatically by getting rid of aan!

This was my first thought too.

You’re in a vicious cycle here, I can’t see you getting better with him breathing down your neck all the time.

I would tell him that if he doesn’t stop this behaviour then you will leave (but mean it),

AdviceNeeded2024 · 18/09/2024 22:59

I have a feeling some of the posters here have never experienced true mental health issues, whether themselves or someone close. Some really unhelpful responses.

OP I’m sorry you’re struggling and understand you’ll be struggling a lot with motivation at the moment. Write down very small tasks that are manageable and tick them off each day, don’t forget self care here too and you will feel better just seeing things you’ve done. Try mindfulness by going on walks.

I agree with PP though, perhaps your partner might be contributing to your low mood as well.

Don't beat yourself up, you wouldn’t if you had a broken leg, you need time to heal.

Viviennemary · 18/09/2024 22:59

He isn't very supportive is he. Maybe you need to rethink as to whether this relationship could be the cause of your mental health issues.

Cantsleeper · 18/09/2024 22:57

This reply has been deleted

This is the work of a previously banned poster.

Of course gps can diagnose mental health issues.

Proudofeveryone · 18/09/2024 22:54

@Farting what a nasty vicious comment.
Behind a keyboard bitch or if you are a man a bastard

Copperoliverbear · 18/09/2024 22:51

I bet if you get rid of him your mental health will improve, he's your problem

millymollymoomoo · 18/09/2024 22:45

What steps are you taking to overcome your mental health issues? Do you plan to return to work? Is he under financial pressure /strain?

if I was working to provide the only main income I’d also kinda expect things at home to be taken care of especially if alone for a large part of it

Fuuf · 18/09/2024 22:43

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bringincrazyback · 18/09/2024 22:41

Farting · 18/09/2024 22:01

Perhaps you need to get a grip and he’s right.

Well, someone on this thread needs to get a grip. But it isn't OP.

OfficerChurlish · 18/09/2024 22:36

Farting · 18/09/2024 22:01

Perhaps you need to get a grip and he’s right.

Doctor who has diagnosed mental health issues and patient who is experiencing those issues firsthand know nothing; abusive boyfriend and rude rando on MumsNet are "right"! What're the odds? 😂

Just4thisthreadtoday · 18/09/2024 22:32

Ionasmum19 · 18/09/2024 22:09

Yes I've considered this many times! I've always been an anxious person but I don't even recognise myself anymore.

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@Ionasmum19

i think your MH would improve no end if you weren't with this bellend

will you consider leaving the nasty arsewipe?

Just4thisthreadtoday · 18/09/2024 22:29

Farting · 18/09/2024 22:01

Perhaps you need to get a grip and he’s right.

@Farting

Nasty post

GivingitToGod · 18/09/2024 22:26

R u getting support for your MH? Is your absence from work likely to be longterm? Maybe your partner feels that he has additional financial responsibilities that cause him stress if it is longterm?
Seeing both sides, I hope you start to feel better soon

Icedlatteofdreams · 18/09/2024 22:23

Ionasmum19 · 18/09/2024 22:09

Yes I've considered this many times! I've always been an anxious person but I don't even recognise myself anymore.

Show quote history

Honestly OP, start planning to leave. He won't get any better and you won't get better either!

Blueberrymuffin8 · 18/09/2024 22:20

Can you list some of his positive attributes so we can at least know why you're with such a catch?

Ablondiebutagoody · 18/09/2024 22:18

You have 6 hours of shopping and housework to do every single day? If you are unwell, you are unwell, I wouldn't claim to him that you are double busy though.

Fuuf · 18/09/2024 22:10

This reply has been deleted

This is the work of a previously banned poster.

Original poster
Ionasmum19 · 18/09/2024 22:09

Icedlatteofdreams · 18/09/2024 22:07

This is not being sarcastic but have you ever attributed your mental health issues to how he treats you? Because I bet this isn't the only time he calls you names and is mean. It's amazing how many women I know whose mental health has improved dramatically by getting rid of aan!

Yes I've considered this many times! I've always been an anxious person but I don't even recognise myself anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionasmum19 · 18/09/2024 22:08

JacquelineShit · 18/09/2024 22:05

It sounds as though he doesn't understand that you're mentally ill, and he resents having to be the one going out to work on his own.

Are you getting sick pay from your employers, OP?

Yeah I'm getting sick pay, it's not much but enough to pay my share of everything

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionasmum19 · 18/09/2024 22:08

Duckingella · 18/09/2024 22:00

Your partner is an abusive POS.

Mental illness can be just as debilitating as a physical one.

I bet if the tables were turned you wouldn't be verbally and emotionally abusing him.

This was exactly my point to him, if it was the other way around I wouldn't say anything to him!

OP posts:
Icedlatteofdreams · 18/09/2024 22:07

This is not being sarcastic but have you ever attributed your mental health issues to how he treats you? Because I bet this isn't the only time he calls you names and is mean. It's amazing how many women I know whose mental health has improved dramatically by getting rid of aan!

RandomMess · 18/09/2024 22:07

Sounds like his abusive could be the cause of your MH issues.

JacquelineShit · 18/09/2024 22:05

It sounds as though he doesn't understand that you're mentally ill, and he resents having to be the one going out to work on his own.

Are you getting sick pay from your employers, OP?