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AIBU?

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Original poster

Opinion- children going to park alone

27 replies

Stresshead84x · 18/09/2024 16:23

We have a park that's a 2 minute walk away. There is one very busy road with traffic lights directly outside my house and then there's no other roads- the walk is down a well populated path and directly into the park which is always filled with local mums/school kids.

My middle son is 8 and on a wednesday I have him home for 2 hours while I work from home as he needs dropped off to a hobby after this, this works well, he often plays outside with friends where I can work at the window and keep an eye or he plays some games.

He's made friends with two little boys the same age who are allowed to go to the park together and he's now badgering me to let him go. I think he's still too young- I started to let my oldest go somewhere between 9 1/2 and 10 with friends but I would walk her over the big road and meet her on the way back- other than that I don't worry- she's sensible and it's not far. My son wants me to do the same with him, walk him over and then take my phone so he can call on the way back and meet him.

Logically I know it's safe enough but I just don't think he's quite old enough yet- aibu?

OP posts:
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Ablondiebutagoody · 18/09/2024 18:27

If it's a relatively normal area, there's people about, he comes home at an agreed time and the traffic lights have a pedestrian crossing, I would let him. Yes, there is a slight risk but there's also a risk in withholding his independence. You should have seen the look on my DS face when he started doing that stuff for 30 mins initially. So proud of himself!

Sirzy · 18/09/2024 17:43

Personally I would wait until spring at least to start it now. Evenings will be drawing in soon

Thepossibility · 18/09/2024 17:27

We started letting our kid go at 9, but we can see the park from our house.

MissAnnThropeofYorkshire · 18/09/2024 17:12

The culture in the UK is to not allow this, but personally I probably would, in the park you describe and under the circumstances you describe. You know your DS best though.

KentnotClarke · 18/09/2024 16:48

That's something op re teens.

KentnotClarke · 18/09/2024 16:48

That's something op re teens.

KentnotClarke · 18/09/2024 16:47

@Stresshead84x

Interesting, it's hard sometimes to pull away from what we experienced isn't it.

Where I live now is a totally different area, and my two dc and very different from each other and me.
Our current park is extremely close as well but I'd never let dd go alone and she's a little older!
People watching, which they do notice so much.
I remember on holiday once over looking a square, you see everything and it really struck me how vulnerable some people can be eg drunk woman alone or small child wandering off or child alone.
No other mum is responsible for your son or watching him.

Original poster
Stresshead84x · 18/09/2024 16:46

Accbabymom1994 · 18/09/2024 16:45

There will be lots of mom's but no one is going to be watching your kid u have to do that yourself

Show quote history

No I know that- I mean I'm not concerned about teenagers and drugs as previous posters have mentioned, the park is full of mums and kids- we go to the park 2/3 times a week - maybe later at night but there's no teenagers that hang out there at this time.

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DelurkingAJ · 18/09/2024 16:46

No way. We live in a very nice area where there were three children who were allowed out from about 7. No problems from other adults or teens but I saw several cars have to do emergency stops as they ran out into the road chasing each other and one then broke his arm falling out of a tree. No sense of self preservation at that age.

Original poster
Stresshead84x · 18/09/2024 16:45

HamptonPlace · 18/09/2024 16:44

if it's a horrible area. No. Nice area: maybe, child dependent. You've obvs got an older so do what you feel is right...

I think with my older one by the time she was asking I was ready to let her, she's just very very sensible and she never pushed for anything too early.

OP posts:
Accbabymom1994 · 18/09/2024 16:45

Stresshead84x · 18/09/2024 16:43

See we go to the park very regular I know there will be lots of mums and kids about, most of them we know- objectively I think he'd be completely fine but I think in my head I just think 8's too young.

I try to go by my mum, she was strict for a 90's parent, which is still laid back for today and I think I'd have been allowed at 9 but probably not before so it's probably that that's in my head.

Show quote history

There will be lots of mom's but no one is going to be watching your kid u have to do that yourself

HamptonPlace · 18/09/2024 16:44

if it's a horrible area. No. Nice area: maybe, child dependent. You've obvs got an older so do what you feel is right...

KentnotClarke · 18/09/2024 16:43

Yes not just abduction but extremely inappropriate behaviour from older children and drugs and all sorts.

KentnotClarke · 18/09/2024 16:43

Yes not just abduction but extremely inappropriate behaviour from older children and drugs and all sorts.

Original poster
Stresshead84x · 18/09/2024 16:43

KentnotClarke · 18/09/2024 16:40

Definitely a "no" here but I saw and heard of some pretty awful stuff happening in parks when I was younger.

See we go to the park very regular I know there will be lots of mums and kids about, most of them we know- objectively I think he'd be completely fine but I think in my head I just think 8's too young.

I try to go by my mum, she was strict for a 90's parent, which is still laid back for today and I think I'd have been allowed at 9 but probably not before so it's probably that that's in my head.

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Accbabymom1994 · 18/09/2024 16:42

KentnotClarke · 18/09/2024 16:40

Definitely a "no" here but I saw and heard of some pretty awful stuff happening in parks when I was younger.

Every missing child case ! It's made me really conscious

KentnotClarke · 18/09/2024 16:40

Definitely a "no" here but I saw and heard of some pretty awful stuff happening in parks when I was younger.

Accbabymom1994 · 18/09/2024 16:39

Pippa12 · 18/09/2024 16:36

Personally I don’t let my 8 year old out of my sight. You’ll get lots of opinions on here. Your gut is telling you he’s too young, listen to it.

You parent him, he doesn’t tell you how to parent.

Yup and it only takes one mistake to make u regret it ur whole life . My son is 9 and I wouldn't let him go , it's too scary nowadays

Pippa12 · 18/09/2024 16:36

Personally I don’t let my 8 year old out of my sight. You’ll get lots of opinions on here. Your gut is telling you he’s too young, listen to it.

You parent him, he doesn’t tell you how to parent.

Original poster
Stresshead84x · 18/09/2024 16:34

SonicTheHodgeheg · 18/09/2024 16:30

Is there a zebra crossing?
I would try a simplified version of his suggestion in the spring when the days start getting longer again because soon it’s going to be too dark too early imo and he’s going to be annoyed about not being able to go out for a few months after being granted the freedom.
I would start off with sending him with a watch and telling him that you’ll pick him up in x minutes (say 30 at first) and work up to him walking to and from home over the summer.

You know what your area is like so it’s hard to judge. There’s a local park here with lots of weed smoking by teens after school and I wouldn’t want an 8 year old going there.

also it's not really a great area I live in but the park is fine and the walk to it is fine so that doesn't worry me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stresshead84x · 18/09/2024 16:33

SonicTheHodgeheg · 18/09/2024 16:30

Is there a zebra crossing?
I would try a simplified version of his suggestion in the spring when the days start getting longer again because soon it’s going to be too dark too early imo and he’s going to be annoyed about not being able to go out for a few months after being granted the freedom.
I would start off with sending him with a watch and telling him that you’ll pick him up in x minutes (say 30 at first) and work up to him walking to and from home over the summer.

You know what your area is like so it’s hard to judge. There’s a local park here with lots of weed smoking by teens after school and I wouldn’t want an 8 year old going there.

There's traffic lights but I wouldn't let him cross that himself yet, it's a really busy road so definitely would be taking him over and meeting him again. Once across this road there's no roads it's all pathway- it's like a walking path through houses and it's always busy with families etc, and the park is always busy with local families- they always meet friends there- I'm not overly concerned but I just think maybe 9 rather than 8- also him and his brother are like twins so if I let him now I know they'll both want to go and the little one is only 7 so no way he can.

OP posts:
SonicTheHodgeheg · 18/09/2024 16:30

Is there a zebra crossing?
I would try a simplified version of his suggestion in the spring when the days start getting longer again because soon it’s going to be too dark too early imo and he’s going to be annoyed about not being able to go out for a few months after being granted the freedom.
I would start off with sending him with a watch and telling him that you’ll pick him up in x minutes (say 30 at first) and work up to him walking to and from home over the summer.

You know what your area is like so it’s hard to judge. There’s a local park here with lots of weed smoking by teens after school and I wouldn’t want an 8 year old going there.

PepaWepa · 18/09/2024 16:30

Lots of children that age, including mine, in my area go to the park. We live on a very safe estate though and park is central to all of the other parents houses. I would say depends on area and who else is around

Original poster
Stresshead84x · 18/09/2024 16:30

MaggieBsBoat · 18/09/2024 16:28

My 9 year old has started going alone. With my older sons it was around the same age. There’s more safety in numbers obviously so if your 8 year old is with friends I wouldn’t worry overly but much depend on the type of child you have . My 12 year old hates being out without an adult at the park so I always go with her.

Thanks- my oldest I don't worry at all and my youngest is also very sensible, my middle one is the trickier one although I would trust him not to go anywhere else.

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 18/09/2024 16:28

My 9 year old has started going alone. With my older sons it was around the same age. There’s more safety in numbers obviously so if your 8 year old is with friends I wouldn’t worry overly but much depend on the type of child you have . My 12 year old hates being out without an adult at the park so I always go with her.