Partner will use every opportunity to not be at home.

I could've written this myself 2 years ago. Only thing that made him change was me leaving him for two months. He truly believed I was done and it made him miserable. But also made him actively prove to me he had changed. He has been amazing since and our relationship is great. Maybe he needs a reality check?

My ex was like this, I did 2 things, when DD was small I retrained, completely focused on myself & DD, always had my own car - shit ones mostly but was my independence, made my own life really just let him get on with it, when she was older and he suddenly wanted a family (I image as his mates were starting to settle down) I left him because by then he had bored me to death and I barely knew him.

Me & DD were on our own for 2 years and then I met someone else who does everything I want to, walks the dogs with me, watches my rubbish on the tv, plans time for just us and joins in with (now teen DD), helps around the house etc don’t settle

I came on to say exactly this. Get to your family, find your feet, try to get back to work or education and training and cut your losses with this guy. He's never going to get any better as a parent or a partner.

I really feel for you OP. He is awful, but you sound strong. You really need to get some help. You need to break up and move away where you can start a new life with your kids in a less isolated place. Could you phone Women's Aid for a supportive chat at least? He is emotionally and financially abusive.
Please get away, before the baby is born. Once the baby is born it will be harder. The sooner the better. Good luck. Just imagine what a lovely life you could have in a nice flat of your own in a town or village with baby and toddler groups and a pre school etc etc

You will be OK once you get this selfish deadweight out of your life.

You can't change a leopards spots. Try to keep strong and start planning💐

This is abuse. Leaving you without, carrot dangling money. And his earnings impact your income. Not cool. Financial abuse.

if he doesn’t want change I guess you can only effect the change yourself, by either leaving him or kicking him out. You alluded to your family not being great- unless I misread- but is there anyone you could go and stay with in the very short term until you could get a council house?

Honestly, if it’s even remotely possible, I would pack up and go. Will he even notice?

Red flags are you are a SAHM but have no access to a joint bank account or direct access to money. You are completely isolated from friends and family. He won't have a conversation about it or anything else.

All signs of an unhealthy (if not abusive) relationship. I'm sorry he's changed so much and you are now where you are.

Please get some help from someone who can help you get childcare, money and away from him, and hopefully deal with his responsibilities to his kids going forward. There are charities out there set-up to do this, depending on where you are.

Do you have a relationship with your parents? Can you go back to them?

All he's contributing to family life now is a small amount of money, and you can get that through child support.

Pack your stuff, contact your parents and get gone. What a toxic environment for you and your babies. You deserve better.

How's today been op?

Please contact Women's aid for advice and support.
You are being controlled and abuse by a druggy.
Can you go home to your parents?
Can you tell them the truth?
This relationship is clearly over.
Can you move before this baby arrives?

Can you move in with family? Or just move into town so that you have more independence?
Make the change before the new baby comes along

Does he have depression? Maybe he’s struggling but hasn’t been able to talk about it.

He's one of those mountains of man babies unsuited to family and fatherhood.

He has checked out - he didn't like it first time around and he likes it even less now there's another one.

He's acting like a teenage student.

You know now you cannot rely on him.

Where and how you live is not serving your family needs. You need to be somewhere closer to civilization, closer to family. Personally I'd be asking if family would take you and the child/ren in as a first step to get you on your independent feet.

Long term - learn to drive. Get a job. Get savings and a pension.

And don't get pregnant again.

How will you get to work from the middle of nowhere with no car?
How are you currently running any errands? What if there's an emergency and you need to get a child to the doctor's? Or yourself? Is there anyone at all around who could help you to a) feel less lonely and isolated, and b) more empowered to WALK the heck out of there now! All I see is red flags.

Your 'partner' is not a partner. You need a serious talk on what does he want for his future, and your shared future. Personally I would have already upped the sticks and gone back to my family: is that an option for you at all? Or any other family member, relative, friend?

You'll be abandoned as much with the baby as you're now and it will be double as hard. He could be depressed or anxious but he needs to do something about instead of simply leaving you to cope whichever way.

Every day I'm baffled by the selfishness of men; but unfortunately also women who accept it. You deserve so much more.

@MissKeek you can't sustain so many compromises in your relationship- you doing all the giving while he does all the taking.

He has deceived you from the get-go, being charming and the "perfect DP" until he got you where he wanted you, disempowered and trapped with fewer choices than him. He's acting as if single and you'll waste the best years of your life being the one to have to compromise, tying yourself in knots worrying if you're not supporting him enough.

it shouldn't be like this, you shouldn't have to put up with him, it isn't healthy.

I was also going to suggest moving back closer to your family if that's an option.
What on earth does he 'do' with this friend all day? Is he hands on once he's back? I sincerely doubt it

Seems like he is checking out of family life. Why have another child. No transport, living in the middle of nowhere is not good unless you love the solitary way of life and you don't seem very happy.

I feel claustrophobic just reading this. My heart goes out to you reading this you must be terribly lonely for adult company.

I don't think he is offering you anything more than if you were a single parent in all honesty. This isn't a partnership.

I wonder if it's worth having a chat with citizens advice. They should be able to point you in the direction of what you could claim, be entitled to, local services as a single mum etc. If you want out then this might be a good way of getting your eggs in a basket.

Is it an option for you to move closer.to family and just leave this guy behind? All your eggs are in his basket, he is literally controlling your life. You can't go out coz he doesn't want to or he's got the money? Take your babies and run. You are doing it alone anyway, this guy just sounds like baggage you do not need. As above post said, take back your life. Get a job learn to drive, you be in control of your life, you'll be so proud of yourself if you do and so will your children.

Can you move back to near your family/support circle?

This will be much easier to do before you have a 2nd child.

He isn't going to step up so you need to plan what is best for your future.

Please don’t be ashamed. YOU have nothing to be ashamed off. Your partner is the person who should be ashamed. I agree with the person who suggested to confide in a family member and ask them to come down to stay with you for a few days.

Everything you write about him screams abuse. Is there any chance you could move closer to your parents? I’d think about doing this before they’re due to start school. You need a support network.