No help from my mum

Presumably OP knew she had MS and her husband was in the navy before the baby arrived? The midwife should have helped her find support.

Genuine question. Do you expect the father to leave his job to suit family life better? We would have no dads in the navy, police or army. Or should a woman not date/marry anyone in these professions?

More than the child's father? Or anyone from his family? These things should be considered before pregnancy.

I don't think it ever crossed my mind to ask my mum to just pop in and "help". She works, she comes at weekends, I'm not sure why you judge this to be not enough.

How does the conversation go when she says she'd like to see grandson more? Do you reply with a concrete suggestion? I just wonder if there could be a communication gap.

I would be frustrated too OP. Especially her wanting you to go to her. You’re a new mum with absolutely no support. How was yours and your mums relationship pre baby?

i am disgustingly lucky to have both grannies eager to be as involved as possible and taking childcare days so I can work and also rest. It’s something I checked with both of them before having him though. I set my expectations for what their involvement would be so was able to be realistic about it

I think as her daughter with MS has just had a baby, and her daughter's partner is working away, the OP's mother could be a better mother than she is currently being and give her daughter more support.

Having said that though, I am surprised your mum hasn’t come to visit at all yet.

The grandmother has visited:

She has come at the weekends intermittently

The problem isn't your mum - the problem is that you chose to have a baby knowing your partner regularly worked away for large chunks of time and that you were struggling with MS. It's not your mum's place to step up and provide the support that should be coming from your DP.

Coming to visit weekends sounds fine to me, and you could always travel to hers or arrange to meet her for lunch/coffee in the middle if you wanted to.

She works and have her own life. She can love her grandchild without being there helping day to day. That's the difference between being a mother and a grandmother.

It's ok to feel sad that you're not as much a priority in her life as you perhaps thought. But don't let it get you down or spoil your relationship (unless there's more backstory obvs).

So she does visit every now and then?! How often are you hoping for?

I think your feelings are absolutely reasonable. I think I understand that if she's always saying things like "oh I wish I saw DGS more" but not actually doing anything about it, it might feel like she's expecting you to wave a magic wand to make it easier to visit.
However, you can't control other people, only how you react to them.

I do think you need to probably find support - is the welfare or families help any good where you are? Or have a look at the local village or town for baby groups and family support like Homestart. Your health visitor may have some info.

And if you get comments from your mum about not seeing enough of DGS then just reply with "yes it's a shame isn't it" and let her figure out for herself what she wants to do about that.

Or choosing to go about her own life.

My DM lived a minutes walk away. She never helped me. The one time she looked after my DD, in an emergency, my DD had a fall and is scarred for life, so every cloud. Her mother died when she was born so maybe she didn't develop a maternal instinct. She spent most of my childhood with PND. Does your mother have a history that makes her less able to feel empathy?

With kindness OP you can’t expect your mother to do more parenting/give more help, than you do your husband. You apparently thought it was ok to have a baby knowing his job as it stands, meant he wouldn’t be around much, it’s no one else’s job to step into his role for him and make up for that. I think he really needs to look at leaving the Navy so he can support you and be a proper partner and father.

Having said that though, I am surprised your mum hasn’t come to visit at all yet. Is your dad in the picture at all? Has he visited?

But yes I do agree that it’s a bit odd that she could be with you in the day and she is choosing to be at her house instead.

Since she works closer to you, have you invited her to stay for a couple of days? She could go to work from yours.

how far away is your partner’s mum? Could you get your partner to ask his mum if she could support you a bit?

my MIL was willing and able to help me out more than my mum due to circumstances and she was a god send

"I have MS"

Niagara Falls drip feed!

You should be getting additional help but it's not your mums responsibility.

This should be your partner, but he's working away. Any friends? other family? this is it.

You're expecting your mum to feel the gap your husband's left. You are unfairly mad at her.