No help from my mum

Well I totally agree with you op

I think it's disgraceful... everyone I know who has had a baby has a huge amount of support from their mum. My own mum died before my DC were born, but I'd have been devastated if she hadn't been wanting to help me.

I don’t agree with some of these comments. I think you are absolutely right to want some support from your mum after having a newborn and especially if you sister had the same! X

I'm a grandmother and DH and I recently did a ten hour round trip to help with emergency child care. It never entered my head to refuse. It's what loving grandparents do. I think you are not being unreasonable at all.
Join some mum and baby groups to get out of the house and make friends.

Hey OP. Interested to read your post and it actually made me wonder whether my mum will be the same when I have a baby. I'd love her to be around etc but am now wondering whether she might find this tricky, though she's been an amazing mother in general. I think it could be a personality thing - her not knowing or being comfortable with certain situations or role reversals etc. Like some parents really thrive when their children are a certain age and not at others.

Maybe she'll be more active later on when your baby is older but doesn't really know what to do or how to behave at this stage? Or is triggered by something in her past somehow Don't? Don't know but I'm glad you asked as this has been interesting. I wish you well.

Let us know if you ask her and good luck!

Hope u r doing OK

Well I am used to never getting any help so I don’t know any different really I think I prefer it has made me very independent and resilient but on the reverse side if other people do help me I find it difficult to accept. Although we don’t really have a relationship any more it’s superficial

Mothers not helping their children after they give birth seems to be the exception rather than the rule so I think it is reasonable to expect some help with a new baby from your mum if it is practically possible.

Were you OK with getting no help with twins from your mum or any help throughout your entire life? Unless there were exceptional circumstances why she could never help you, it seems rather unkind and uncaring of her.

This; I agree entirely. I have always had active/frequent involvement with my GC; irrespective of working FT/PT

yanbu , any decent mother would move hell & high water to help their daughter out with a new baby

Ditto

Hi OP, I can understand why you feel your mum should come over more often/during the week. She is your mum, you are her daughter and your son is her grandson. What else is there to say? And she only lives a short distance away ( less than an hour). Looking after a new baby/young children is exhausting and mentally draining; I think you have every right to be disappointed. Helping with household tasks/preparing meals/giving you a much needed break/company. I have several friends whose mums did just that. I also know some whose mums had little involvement. I agree that going to playgroups and meeting other mums is very important but that's a different issue.
I am sorry OP that your mum isn't as involved as u would like; unfortunately, you can't change her mindset and having to ask defeats the object. Take care OP, get out and engage in the company of other mums, in parks etc. Doesn't matter if you know no-one; babies are a good conversation blaster.

I’m sorry OP, I know it can be really lonely and hard looking after a baby. I remember desperately wanting somebody to come and visit at times to take the pressure off. I hope you are ok and looking after yourself.

Have you tried actually suggesting to her that she come over for the afternoon before work, suggest you have lunch/early tea together - or ask her if she wants to come after work and spend the night etc

She may want to not overdo things and be waiting for the sign from you that she can - so she's dropping hints about wanting to see you and the baby more often, expecting you to say 'why don't you come on Tuesday' rather than a non commital agreement that it would be nice

I don't think your being unreasonable, I would feel hurt too. It's really hard with a newborn , she could come after work and have dinner with you x

I have this issue and call it performance grandparent, it’s to keep saying I want to visit more, I want to spend lots of time with them and normally post what an amazing grandparent they are on social media but then don’t show up, don’t visit more and put it all on the parents to visit the grandparents house more. If they didn’t say how much they want to visit you wouldnt expect it.

From experience these type of grandparents also seem to keep a tally on how many times you visited and how many hours you have seen the other grandparents and then complain if you have seen other people for 30mins more than them.

OP, if you need some extra company and support, have you made contact with Aggies? Also any social groups for Navy spouses.
www.aggies.org.uk

It’s entirely reasonable to hope that your mum will make an effort to help you as a new mum. Doesn’t sound like you are talking about having sole childcare for multiple days, just a bit of support.

I am not there yet but I really hope I won’t be one of these parents that think that any effort/involvement ends at 18.

She doesn’t have to of course, but it’s sad if she can’t make the effort and your feelings are valid.

Young babies are actually quite boring. I suspect that's why I rarely saw my mum from week to week either, and she was fifteen minutes away. Never having a break was part of the reason I went back to work at four and five months each time.
Is your dad around?

She works, has her own house to clean/shop for and cook, laundry, she doesn't drive and probably has her own little routine she's used to but she does come visit at the weekends if she doesn't have plans by the sound of it.

I don't see where she's being unreasonable tbh, I think you should probably visit her house a few times and then invite her for lunch in the week if you feel the need to.

Your mother has her own life and whilst she doesn't mind weekend visits I would start building your own little support system with baby groups and the like, it's unfair to expect so much from one person when they didn't help you make the baby themselves.

i had twins my mum never helped me with anything in fact she has never helped me with anything my entire life. You can’t expect help from others it’s up to them

I think you are getting a really tough time on here, especially given it is an emotional time. I know both my mum and partner's mum would be wanting to help out as much as possible and see the baby as much as possible and I'd expect to do the same to mine. Lots of grandmothers do! It is totally reasonable to feel disappointed that your mum isn't one of them.

I expect if she was demonstrating support in other ways, you may be less hurt by the lack of regular visits. For example, if was saying that she would love to visit but she is tired and instead suggests a call every day to check in with you or providing reassurance etc. I do think it is worth asking for more support and seeing how she responds - for example the PP's suggestion of inviting her to stay so she can have a shorter commute and see you more. Wishing you well.

It's* TheGaGGGGGGGG
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So you don't know that some people are in transition from DLA to PIP ??? That's why my post said DLA/PIP !!