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Original poster

To not want to keep hearing from colleague about how well she's doing

35 replies

PatchworkSilver · 18/09/2024 13:50

I feel really horrible, but most days another self-employed 'friend' messages to say how busy they are, and how wonderful her feedback is. This has been going on for some time. We are both conscientious and well regarded in our field, and there are times she will get more work, and likewise, times that I will. But when I get more, I don't say anything as I don't want her to feel bad.
In addition, we have different lives, she doesn't have children so can work more hours, I have children and other commitments....so what levels of work are comfortable is different for us both.
I have other associates in my field, but we just don't really discuss how much work we each have or from who... that is better for us all, I'm sure.
I am really just canvassing advice on how to approach this? I don't want to upset her and it's nearly all in text messages so if I said something, it'd have to be by text.

OP posts:
Bestyearever2024 · 18/09/2024 14:21

PatchworkSilver · 18/09/2024 14:19

I think I've grown to not feel so positive about her, yes. ... its all rose coloured glasses for her and I feel a bit more...earthy?! 🤣...
If I said something like ' let's not talk numbers and referrals, as we know it's very up and down and it doesn't always feel that healthy to discuss'... would that sound horrible?

Show quote history

It would sound as if you're not doing too well and don't want to face it

Original poster
PatchworkSilver · 18/09/2024 14:19

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 18/09/2024 14:12

You just don’t really like your friend, do you?

She might be showing off, or just really enthusiastic about her job. If you say something you’ll look a dick so don’t. Just give a throwaway comment and steer the conversation on to a topic you prefer to talk about. If you don’t want to talk about work late at night, ignore the message and reply when it’s more convenient for you.

I think I've grown to not feel so positive about her, yes. ... its all rose coloured glasses for her and I feel a bit more...earthy?! 🤣...
If I said something like ' let's not talk numbers and referrals, as we know it's very up and down and it doesn't always feel that healthy to discuss'... would that sound horrible?

OP posts:
Rosybud88 · 18/09/2024 14:18

I’d just keep using the same repeat reply until she gets the message to be honest.

‘That’s great’ or something to that effect when she brings up the same stuff over and over.
And definitely don’t reply late at night.

Allthatwegotisthispalebluedot · 18/09/2024 14:12

You just don’t really like your friend, do you?

She might be showing off, or just really enthusiastic about her job. If you say something you’ll look a dick so don’t. Just give a throwaway comment and steer the conversation on to a topic you prefer to talk about. If you don’t want to talk about work late at night, ignore the message and reply when it’s more convenient for you.

BruFord · 18/09/2024 14:03

If work is the most important thing in her life, she'll be very excited when it's going well. I know someone like this too (also self employed). I don't think they mean to sound boastful, work is just important to them. When things aren't going so well, you don't hear much - I always know when my friend hasn't much going on as she goes quiet!

Original poster
PatchworkSilver · 18/09/2024 14:01

takealettermsjones · 18/09/2024 13:54

If she's a good friend otherwise, this seems like a minor issue tbh. Can you not just say "Great! How's the kids/dog/what film should we go and see next week?" etc.

Obviously if the messages are more "I'm so busy, so much busier than you" then just ask her why she's being a knob head. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do try to change the subject but she wants to talk about work.. messages even very late at night. We don't see each other face to face... she's always too busy.... which is okay as there are other people around that I feel I relate to more.
I just want to be able to say something without upsetting her and causing ripples in our field of work.

OP posts:
GRex · 18/09/2024 14:01

If you're low on work, ask if she has any to pass your way and/or can do some introductions for you. Then either you get extra work you need (great!) or she'll note the natural consequence of bragging and cool it down (also great!).

Original poster
PatchworkSilver · 18/09/2024 13:58

She's been a work friend for a few years. I feel rude not responding, she is lovely but seems to have a blind spot in how this can come across. We have lots of mutual associates.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 18/09/2024 13:54

If she's a good friend otherwise, this seems like a minor issue tbh. Can you not just say "Great! How's the kids/dog/what film should we go and see next week?" etc.

Obviously if the messages are more "I'm so busy, so much busier than you" then just ask her why she's being a knob head. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tagyoureit · 18/09/2024 13:53

Why do you need to respond?

Or a simple 'that's great for you!'

Though I'm confused why she feels the need to inform you anyway, is she showing off?