To not want to keep hearing from colleague about how well she's doing

This is great. All you can really control is your own energetic boundaries. Once you stop letting it in / feeling like you have to engage with it and respond to it, it weighs much less heavily on you.

I would stop responding.

I have a friend that does this and it completely comes from a place of insecurity.
start doing it back and I guarantee she will notice immediately and find it annoying.
It won’t be enough to stop her because people with no self reflection can’t see themselves in your responsive behaviour.
Just faze her out, stop responding but always be kind.

As others say just reply with👍every time.

Her work is her life by the sounds of things, she may not have much else to talk about. It's possibly her way of letting you know she's well/doing good, where as you have family etc to talk about in terms of providing chatter/ updates/ news, and indeed in terms of how you assess your own well-being.

Your places/stages/choices in life are different. I have friends who have nothing to talk about apart from work (and sometimes talk insufferably about their work dramas), and I know I have had times in my life when I was younger that I was in the same place where I was on a hamster wheel of work with nothing really else to talk about that I was doing because I had no time or energy for anything else or everything else in my life sucked.

It may also be that actually she's quite anxious about being out on her own and whether in fact she does have enough work, and is looking for validation/confirmation that she's doing a good job.

I honestly would just leave it as "Glad to hear you are well. Things are busy here as always and the children and I are all well", and then proceed to talk about something that isn't work related. If she's interested in continuing a friendship outside of being a work acquaintance then she will pick up the topic of conversation.

What about ignoring more (but not all) of these messages, or just adding a thumbs up reaction to the message? Maybe if you're not typing out a response constantly it will feel less annoying. I can see why you're irritated - hopefully just paring down the responses will help.

I get this @PatchworkSilver it sounds like envy to someone who hadn't experienced this but it's not necessarily that.

In my situation, it's my sibling and my parents (who have just got big sums of money from my grandparents/voluntary redundancy) and are constantly updating our family chat with pictures of their travels and lovely way of living. I'm happy for them but when I'm sat here working FT, with 3 DC, a recurrent kidney infection, cold sores and dealing with a tricky situation regarding sexual abuse from my childhood, seeing them 'living their best life' and updating me on every exciting things they are doing is just too much when I'm dorwning. It's not resentment I'm feeling but just more a 'read the room, it's a bit exhausting'.

I think maybe think what is stimulating you about this situation, think about why you feel that way and then decide what's best. I understand that just sending a thumbs up and slowly withdrawing feels avoidant but matching the energy and addressing head on might leave you with more complicated feelings? Only react in a way that doesn't cause you more rubbish feelings

You could try to ask her to stop, but I don’t imagine she’ll take kindly to your telling her it’s not ‘healthy’ - which sounds really sanctimonious and preachy.

If she mainly wants to talk about her work success, and this irritates you to the point you don’t feel you can just ignore it or give it a 👍🏻, you can just quietly ease off contact and distance yourself from her. You’re not obliged to be friends with people you don’t like, or to respond to late night messages.

But you can’t really expect to dictate what she chooses to talk to you about unfortunately. Big heart to hearts about how this kind of chat is affecting you are only worth it if she’s a very close friend.

@PatchworkSilver you could say something like ‘can we talk less about work, trying to give my brain a rest out of hours as I don’t get much quiet time what with the kids when I stop work’

This where the 👍 emoji comes in handy. Say nothing and just respond with that. Dismissive without ignoring. Hopefully she will get the hint.

Just come up with 4 stock responses and rotate them.

Wow! That’s great!
You’re killing it!
Excellent!
You must be so excited/happy/proud!

I don’t know why she sends the messages. Maybe she’s trying to boost her confidence, maybe she’s making a dig at you, maybe she’s just annoying and lives for work. Whatever the reason, I doubt asking her to stop will have any positive outcome for you.

😂

She sounds tedious.

I’d respond to every single text with 👍🏼 and nothing more.

I think She's relating to you as a work colleague/with her work mask on whilst you are expecting her to relate to you as a friend.

Also some people REALLY need external validation of how well they're doing/hard they're working which is hard if no supervisor/manager - you are under no obligation to be that validation.

Here’s the video to cheer you up OP

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PBLGy0kStjs&pp=ygUKZGlkIHllIGF5ZQ%3D%3D

She sounds insufferable, it sounds like it's time to pull back on the friendship and reduce contact. I think this is preferable to saying something if you're in the same industry, it's easier to remain civil (I'd give different advice if you really valued the friendship).

However, I do take issue with you saying she can work more hours because she doesn't have children. We're not all icy stone cold bitches who live to work. I don't have kids and I'd happily work less hours.

My advice comes from Kevin Bridges- in Scotland if someone is forever talking about themselves, boasting, or if it’s not believable - you respond with ‘ Did ye, aye?’

So whenever she rabbits on, do the same -

-did you? Yeh?
-Is that so

wirh intense people like this, i sometimes don't respond unless there's a question. You don't need to respond each time Op. It might feel uncomfortable, but that will get easier with time. You don't see each other much so at this point it's a 'texting' friendship. Her messaging late at night is a bit disrespectful, so feel free to ignore those.

You don’t sound horrible at all- she sounds hideous! Why is she messaging you every day - who has time for that?!! I’d start ignoring her - there’s no need to respond , she’s too intrusive and a show off. Ugh no thanks ! 🙂‍↔️

I think your suggestion is fine @PatchworkSilver, you're entitled to set some boundaries. It all sounds rather tedious, tbh, and I certainly wouldn't respond to late-night messages.