Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

Me too, OP I am so so sorry for your loss, and I can only imagine how emotional it must be losing your dad and dealing with the first say of university for your DD.

I cannot believe how nasty the school have been. I'm really outraged for you. You deserve to be treated with care and respect in times like these. Definitely complain to the governors.

And what the hell is going on anyway, when they complain your son has already been absent for a required surgery? I mean, for God's sake. It's like the Hunger Games over there!

@RainbowSlidders - I am sorry for your loss.

Please see my other post on this thread. The school is being thoroughly unreasonable and, if they are using your son's absence for surgery to justify a fine, they are acting unlawfully.

Take your children and simply don't pay!

They let children take days off school to attend outside sporting events that they are competing in!!!!

He still has 100% attendance - having time off for an operation, dental appointment, funeral etc doesn't count as an absence.

The school is not just acting unreasonably, they are breaking the law.

The week in July for surgery is not unauthorised absence. The school is acting unlawfully by treating it as such. Without that absence, taking 3 days for a funeral would not trigger a fine even if the school did treat it as unauthorised.

There is guidance from the National Association of Head Teachers that says, "Absences to visit seriously-ill relatives or for bereavement of a close family member are usually considered to amount to ‘exceptional circumstances’, but for the funeral service and travelling time only, not for extended leave". This is not binding on schools, but I would expect most schools to follow it.

You should ask the attendance officer why they are unlawfully treating your son's absence for surgery as unauthorised and why they are ignoring NAHT guidance regarding your father's funeral.

I would say exactly that. On their social media pages.

The attendance rules are as draconian as a lot of rules from Academies seem to be. We are supposed to have moved on from Victorian theories of education, yet here we are.

I'm sorry you need to deal with this on top of everything else.

I'd definitely escalate it. I'd lean especially hard on the cultural aspect and throw around terms like protected characteristics (race and religion) and the Equality Act. You should not be discriminated against on the basis of your religion or race. And also, as others have said, the medical absence shouldn't be counted as unauthorised, what the hell?!

I would ring/e-mail the attendance officer back and ask him to put all that in writing: you found it difficult to follow what he said because of your grief, esp concerning your son's previous week 'off', etc etc. Ten to one you'll hear no more. If he does e-mail back, forward it to the governors / Daily Mail via us!

They’d be prising the fine from my cold, dead hands.
Tell them to get to fuck.

Signed,
a teacher.

If your son had surgery and you gave evidence for it, it won't have been unauthorised so there must be more to it. The school will give you a day for the funeral but the rest will be unauthorised this will be the same at most schools, my schools attendance officer would only give a day for funeral maybe a day for travel. There are tough guidelines they have to follow and they can't make the rules up as they go.

First of all I am so sorry for your loss OP, I know it feels so much worse when it is unexpected. You must be devastated by that alone, but having to see your DD off to uni too, must have felt like everything and everyone was against you, and then you get this response from some jobsworth in a school!! No wonder you're angry, I'd be absolutely fuming! Thankfully my kids are way past school age, and I do understand how important it is for kids to attend, but in a circumstance like this, I find myself horrified by the lack of empathy being shown at such a difficult time. I would tell anyone involved in this to go to hell, and I would definitely NOT be paying a fine. Absolutely DISGUSTING behaviour on the school's part.

Yes, unreasonable, FIL died in January, we had one DC in Y6 Primary and one DC in Y8 Secondary, both schools immediately came back with authorisations, condolences and offers of extra support.

I think you absolutely should bring that up. That's astonishingly hypocritical.
Regardless of that, if it is your culture to mourn in that way, it's racist to not authorise the absence. I am sorry that the school is adding to your stress like this.

Honestly, I'd email my local paper to see if they were interested in running a story on it. The pressure can get things turned around. I'd definitely stress the cultural/racial side.

They can't fine you by including time off for surgery! That should be authorised absence as should at least one day of your 3 days for the funeral. I'd also argue otherwise is exceptional circs due to your religion.

Our school polciy is one day for a funeral but you can have two for a wedding! There's no common sense applied.

Personally, myself , I would ask if one day would usually be allowed for a funeral - because if this is so , then I would say it is discrimination as that is supporting one culture but not the other

Yes I was thinking this is potential racism as well. Plenty to go on here OP. But ultimately you can tell them to stuff it and take your kids out anyway, because you won't get fined.

I am so sorry for your loss @RainbowSlidders 💐

school is being ridiculous, challenge, report etc. but on the flip side, if it was me and I was being fined, then I would stay for the full 7 days of the funeral

I’m sorry for your loss, OP. The whole ethos of a school is driven by the leadership - common humanity went out of the window with one change of head at the school where I worked. One team was told they could only attend a colleague’s funeral in their lunchtime - half an hour. They stayed for the whole service (how could they do anything else?) and were subject to disciplinary procedures. I was told I couldn’t attend my best friend’s funeral because I’d have needed the whole day off, and to my eternal regret I didn’t go.

I think it's ridiculous that kids are not officially allowed to miss school for their grandparent's funeral

Despite what headteachers claim, they DO have discretion to allow absence for this sort of thing. If they choose not to, that's on them.

I don’t know on whose authority the attendance officer was acting, but I’d clarify that with the head teacher first. It’s the head to whom requests for absence go.

If the attendance officer was acting arbitrarily, the head needs to know.

A medical absence in June was the last academic year and, as has been said, should have been recorded as medical. That will be easy to prove anyway. As for the forthcoming one, it would be very harsh to deny leave of absence for bereavement, especially a close family member.

I can hardly believe that an attendance officer would be so clueless.

Firstly, sickness absence is not unauthorised.

Secondly, it was in July anyway, so doesn't count towards this academic year.

Thirdly, it's a funeral and should automatically be authorised.

Fourthly as a pp has said, you have to be absent for 5 days or more to come within scope of possible fines.

Somebody is being very stupid.

Email in and ask for the attendance policy and the complaints procedure. That should wake them up.

To be fair there's actually nothing the school can do to stop parents taking their child out of school for a funeral. the problem is when it becomes persistent or its for an extended amount of time then meetings and fines come into play. An odd unauthorised absence doesn't really mean anything.

Condolences OP. Both my kids were given 3 days off to attend my FILs funeral due to travelling (all within England so not huge distances). DDs school then contacted me to say they had requested she had exceptional circumstances applied to her A levels. I was amazed and said that wasn't necessary and they said that they had spoken to my DD and understood her dad had been away a lot when FIL was ill and that they were very sympathetic to our situation. Your DCs school is being utterly ridiculous.