Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

So sorry for your loss. You are not being unreasonable at all. School are being totally unreasonable.

All schools can make their own decision on what qualifies for authorised absence, but they must follow the national rules and the law regarding fines. As per my previous posts, if they count your son's absence for an operation as unauthorised, they are acting unlawfully.

So sorry for your loss. Not only have they been bullying you. They've been bullying your son too. It must have been horrid for him to be told you had to write to "explain yourself".
What an absolute lack of support in the face of a very sudden family bereavement.

I'd be considering writing to the education authority as well as the Head/govenors.
It doesn't sound like a school that has a caring attitude. Do they have form for being so unreasonable?

I would just take my children, submit a letter to the head as to why and what sort of a reception you received, and face the music when you get back from the funeral. Family is everything and your father passing so unexpectedly is the most important matter in hand for both you and your family right now. He is their grandfather. If you do get flack when you get back, take it to the board of governors, your MP, council education department etc. The school's attitude is unacceptable.

So not only are you dealing with your loss you now have to worry about getting fines because your kids are gonna miss less than a week at school to be with family while you are all grieving. This makes me so mad, when my son died 2 years ago I phoned my daughters high school to let them know what had happened and she will be back when she is back and thankfully they said "that is no problem at all" and even now they are still being brilliant with the support they offer her. I am so sorry for your loss and my advice would be to just try and concentrate on what you need to do now as a family and complain about the heartless twat after. I'm well aware that rules are rules but I'm sick to death of there being no leeway when people go through stuff like this

School are so out of order. In time, when you have a chance to grieve and you feel ready , you need to complain to governors. At the moment your focus must be your family. I’m sorry for your loss.

No this isn’t okay. The circumstances are exceptional. It’s obviously not ideal, but neither was dad dying, so too bad. It’s pretty nasty to call and be rude at this time, very inappropriate and unprofessional way of them handling things!

Outrageous. Are the children generally happy at school? As I could consider moving them for this.

Disgusting behaviour by the attendance officer
"Explain yourself"???
Oh do fuck off.

I would ignore all of it for now, get the funeral over with and then take it to the governors. I wouldn't be writing any letters or answering any more calls to do with it.
They absolutely should not be harrassing you like this at a terrible time.

I'm very sorry about your Dad. I also lost my Dad suddenly like that and it's absolutely horrendous.

If they are being like that do you think that they think it's an excuse? I wonder if some unscrupulous parents have used that as an excuse in the past, and now they are going in guns blazing before establishing the facts?

Do you have a partner?

Get him to deal with this and you try and put it out of your mind.

Your DH needs to email the head teacher and ask if it’s correct.
I would then appeal it and take it to the governors and even higher.

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

I’m so sorry for your loss. Tell them to go fuck them selves. What a horrible response.

I hope you’ll all be ok. 💐

So sorry for your loss.

The new code of conduct was introduced this academic year so therfore I would be surprised if an absence that occurred in July could even be included,check this out with your local authority, as I work in that area and would not be able to do this.
Nevertheless you should be able to obtain medical evidence for the July absences regardless which would mean that you haven't met the criteria.
Again I would speak to the Education department for clarity but seems that the school need Education on the new protocol.
You can also refer to DFE if you want to find anything out yourself on EPNs. Your schools website should also have up-to-date information available to parents.
Good luck with it.

i’m very sorry for your loss.

I’d email the Attendance Officer asking them to confirm in writing their position re the absence for surgery in July and the requested absence for the funeral. This may well bring about a backtrack in itself. If not, forward the email on to the Head, asking if this can be resolved informally or whether you should follow the steps in the formal complaint procedure (copy will be on the school’s website). I’d politely mention the school closing for the maths teacher when you forward it on to the Head, and ask for clarity around the application of the rules.

Hopefully the Attendance Officer will take the opportunity to reflect and therefore make any further action unnecessary. I would imagine you have plenty on your plate without having to battle with the school.

FWIW, we would probably authorise 2 days for the funeral (one for funeral, one for travelling) and anything extra would be marked as unauthorised. As the surgery should have been authorised, this would not result in a fine and we wouldn’t make a fuss about the unauthorised extra day,

That’s outrageous. Definitely go through the channels to complain. Although probably that’s the last thing you need right now dealing with a sudden loss. My condolences.

Lovely post.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP - the sudden death of a parent is such a shock, and you also have to support your kids through the loss of their grandad. It makes me so angry that the school have put you through additional stress at such a difficult time. I don't have any useful suggestions - my kids are in their 30s and there were no draconian attendance rules when they were at school. just reasonable expectations (and the occasional person who took the piss, but not many of them). So I don't have any experience of this situation, and other posters have given useful suggestions, but I didn't want to just cut and run. I do hope you manage to sort things out with the minimum of additional stress and unpleasantness.

ELMhouse, that is a great post. I also thought of the op going to the local press but let's see how it goes with the governors because I doubt she wants personal publicity.

It's a sad state of affairs if kids aren't let off school - and op has said they won't be attending all of the Shiva, only bits of it - following a sudden bereavement like this.

I'm so sorry you've lost your dad.

good advice from PP ^^

Get their position in writing.

Another way would be to email and say I am in the throes of grief and just wanted to confirm that my understanding was correct:
you won't authorise abscence to attend his grandparent's funeral, where your religion/culture requires presence over a number of days, and which you believe is necessary for him to participate in for mental health and wellbeing.
because DS had time off for essential surgery and recovery last year

DS has an otherwise 100% attendance record.

-

Then request that this is reconsidered, with urgency

Medical is always authorised, therefore irrelevant. They will be making this decision currently in line with their own cumulative attendance targets, nothing to do with his personal attendance.

They can choose to authorise the abscence for funeral under exceptional circumstances as stated on govt' website

It is worth looking at their written policy too and quote it back to them if helpful.

I would reply to abscence person (who tend to be gung ho) and cc Headteacher, and Pastoral Lead also and Lead Attendance Governor in. I would hold the school closure for a teacher's funeral in reserve should you need it.

@RainbowSlidders a pp have said go straight to governors and find out about official complaints process.

if you don’t feel you are getting anywhere I wouldn’t normally advocate this, but go to your local ‘paper’ the school will obvs hate this but this is actually something that is really unforgivable from the school. And imo abusing what the unauthorised absence process/fine is meant for.

I lost my Dad last year in similar circumstances. At a time like this this hassle is the last thing you need. You are right to be very angry OP - I hope you hand their arses to them on a plate. I am so sorry for your loss

I’m a teacher. Three days for a grandfather’s funeral would always be allowed - it would come with words of sympathy and promises to keep an extra special eye on the children / cutting them some slack and being understanding if they don’t do homework etc

I would assume the member of staff you spoke to was being ridiculous. I would politely but firmly email the head teacher, copying in the chair of governors (and the class teacher so they know and can keep an eye on your child).

Really sorry for your loss Xx

That's terrible, sorry for your loss.
Of course the school are being unreasonable.
When you feel up to it write a letter to the headteacher and governors because they really shouldn't be talking to people like that when they're going through a family bereavement