Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

I feel really sorry for parents in England. Fuck that. I'd go Tonto.

The school are being completely unreasonable - it sounds like you've bent over backwards to minimise the disruption to your children's education while still getting them to their grandfather's funeral, which it's really important they are able to go to - losing a grandparent is a big thing.

This is hopefully a case of an inexperienced or incredibly officious attendance officer getting it horribly wrong. Email the headteacher and explain; they should be horrified and sort it out. If not, they are arseholes and you should complain to the governors.

I am sorry for your loss. May your father's memory be a blessing.
You are totally not BU, and I hope you find the energy to answer the school and that horrid representative with dignified rage which is what they deserve, and take this further - governors, council, MP!

@RainbowSlidders I am so sorry for your loss. That woman at your son’s school sounds like a complete psychopathic bitch. You shouldn’t have to deal with people like this now, when you are grieving. I hope your dh gets a good resolution. And (while I wouldn’t hold my breath) I hope you get an apology too.

Definitely complain.

Lay a complaint.
How inconsiderate.
I wouldn't answer any calls from such a biarch.
What the hell is a fine going to do?

Where does that money go towards.

Did the AO seek out your DS at school to say this? Thats shockingly awful.

Make an appointment to speak to the headteacher. Take in the medical evidence of the previous absence.

If the meeting doesn’t resolve the situation, ask for a copy of the school's complaints procedure - they must give it to you - and follow the steps in it.
Doing anything else is a waste of your time and energy.

I'm absolutely shocked at the schools response OP. They should be ashamed.

They can fuck right off and I wouldn’t be paying a fine either.

That feels discriminatory

I would email into the head and ask for the attendance policy and complaints procedure as I suggested upthread. You will be taking your child to the funeral and will be making a formal complaint when you return. And leave it at that.

When my son was at primary the head used to say she wanted people to email her for the complaints procedure because she hoped to knock the issues on the head before it got that far.

I'm sorry for your loss. Can you see the attendance policy on the school website? The July one should be medical and wasn't the same school year anyway. The distance involved should qualify as exceptional circumstances.

Oh how awful 😣 I'm sorry for your loss OP. I'm very impressed that you tolerated two such massive journeys whilst in the throes of grief, with kids! You're a strong woman.
As for the school - absolute bullshit. Whoever you spoke to sounds completely devoid of any compassion.
Just ignore it for now. Concentrate on what matters then appeal & complain later.

Wtf have I just read. So sorry about your dad op. Tell them to fine you let them take you to court there going to look absolutely stupid x

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I would not let this drop, I’d be recording everything and getting everything in writing. They are discriminating against you if nothing else, not to mention the fact the are completely heartless.

All these threads regarding the ridiculous focus on attendance are really making me want to homeschool my DD when the times comes.

I’d be furious-teacher here. A student has been granted leave of absence for a family wedding in a far flung country this week. Another was competing in a sport, granted for 3 days. Generally, we just allow a week or so for funerals, which may well be hundreds of miles away, like the OP’s. I too would contact head and chair of governors, I think the way you’ve been spoken to and told you’ll be given a fine is epically shit.

That's awful, I'm so sorry. Fight back. How disrespectful of them, and to tell your son you need to explain yourself!? Sorry but who the F is she/he? I would definitely mention that in the letter...

Dear xxx

I understand you told my grieving son that I, his mother, need to 'explain myself'. That feels very patronising and dismissive, but even so, here is my explanation...

What a twat they are.

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐 as a teacher, this is horrendous. Of course you should go and the fine is ridiculous! He was off for surgery as well!

Oh ffs, it sounds like you're dealing with a right little jobsworth (as we used to call them) at your son's school. Just imagine upsetting your DS at a time when he's grieving, and making things more difficult for you. As for explaining yourself, just who do they think they're talking to? I hope your DH is able to get them to see sense. Again, OP, I'm so sorry that you're being put through this unnecessary extra stress and upset.

I am so sorry, why would anyone choose to be so harsh and unreasonable about this ?
My 3 kids were heartbroken when we lost my dad , children should have every right to time off for this reason.
The attendance officer could get weeks off in theory due to a bereavement without any penalty so very unfair.
I would absolutely fight this and i would certainly remind her of what you said about them closing the school due to a bereavement.

I would document all interactions so far as factually as possible (keep emotion out of it for now) while it's fresh. Dates, times, what was said. Then take it higher and ask for input on how to deal with a) the situation of the fine/leave and b) the member of staff behaving like that towards your family (especially your son) whilst dealing with a loss.

I’m a recent ex-teacher and this is terrible! If I found out this about a child in my class/form I would be kicking up a fuss on their behalf.

It’s quite staggering when mental health of children is so high up on the agenda of schools! Children need time to grieve; for some that might involve keeping their minds busy in school but for most it will absolutely be spending time with family and perhaps attending the funeral!

I would suggest sending your DH into the school or calling them in a very calm manner as I think most school staff would be appalled and would help with your case.

Sorry for your loss.

Did the woman say to your child that you need to write in and explain yourself? That just adds to the outrageousness of her behaviour.

I am sorry for your loss.