Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

Go to the press - it's discrimination on the basis of cultural difference.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please concentrate on your family and keep them close and look after yourself. Try not to trouble yourself with this absolute nonsense by the school.

Bloody hell, what's wrong with the 3% that think the OP is being unreasonable.

I'd be unleashing full throttle Fury on that attendance officer. It's absolutely ridiculous.

not only are they being unreasonable, but if they persist, go to the papers about them not respecting your families cultural traditions. it wouldn't be unreasonable even if you wanted to take them out for the full length of the funereal practices.

Hi you're not being unreasonable at all. Death is part of life....we have funerals and need to attend them. Not sure of the ages of your children....

From my 11 years working in a school office, a family funeral IS classed as an exceptional circumstance. I would certainly dispute this.

When my step dad passed away a couple of years ago, I took my children out of school for 3 days - my older one was/is at Secondary and it wasn’t an issue. I explained it was a 4 hour trip so needed 2 days to travel and 1 day for the funeral itself. There was no way I was fitting it in 1 or 2 days when I wanted to support my mum as well. I would make a complaint to the governors, your request is not unreasonable. Sorry for your loss 💐

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your dad so suddenly. You must still be in shock.

Haven’t read entire thread, so others may already have said, but you may want to research the process for school fines. Can you appeal the fine within the school/education authority, e.g. via a complaints procedure. Are there additional charges added for late payment. And is there a way to defend prosecutions for non-payment of fines.

They can obvs send you the fine, but if you don’t pay it, they’d then have to prosecute you and depends on your scope to argue it was reasonable to take your DC out of school under the circumstances, including respecting the requirements of cultural practices. And what discretion a magistrate or judge would have in the case.

I’d certainly offer (in writing so you have evidence) to support your DC in catching up with the work he misses (especially if he’s in Year 11). By getting notes from teachers/classmates and completing any classwork that was set. That will show that you’re being reasonable and providing a solution to the lost school days. And this might make an appeal/defence more successful.

That's awful 💐

Sorry for your loss. I had two days approved by school for Dad’s funeral, it was 3 days to allow for travel. They approved it and sent condolences

I’m so sorry for your loss. I work in a school and this would be authorised. The attendance officer is wrong and inconsiderate.

That would be very unreasonable, @RainbowSlidders - fold it until it is all sharp corners, before insertion.

Seriously, I hope you get this sorted out - it is absolutely the last thing you need at this difficult and sad time. Sending you my condolences.

That's awful and I would definitely report to governors. At my daughters school they were great when we took time out to see their lovely DG when she was dying. My son's school sent us a letter saying they were going to fine us. I spoke to head and he apologised and cancelled it.

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.
Second, school person is being a kn*b.
Thirdly, you are not crying on and off for no reason. You have suddenly lost your dad x

Shocking. You poor thing. It’s a disgrace you’re having to fight this st such a terrible time.

Sadly some people are like this. My kids school took the piss out of me when my husband died. The children were subjected to all sorts of problems, including a teacher saying attending a funeral wasn’t an excuse for not revising for a test. Their dad’s funeral. I tried to deal with it but wasn’t strong enough to go in guns blazing like i should have. Years later I still feel so angry I could cry. I agree with some of the comments that some people will go out of their way to make things as difficult as possible. I think it’s bullying. Feeling powerful and preying on a vulnerable person who can’t fight back.

Yes because ageism and sexism always makes things better…🙄

Not authorising for grandparents is not acceptable either especially haven't how many families are supported by grandparents.

Interested in this though. Don’t we have to acknowledge that children’s parents need to go mourn the loss of their parent and therefore children have to go as well? Even if we’re suggesting children shouldn’t go to grandparents funerals (which I disagree with) what practically are we expecting to happen? Spouse, assuming there is one, stays home to parent and ignores grieving partner? It surely can’t be a workable policy. It certainly lacks compassion. What’s the motivation behind it?

Im a teacher and the school's Attendance Officer is being a dick. It's not like you are going on holiday to sip drinks... Complain.
Go to the funeral, spend time with family, take time to grieve.

Oh I would most certainly throw this in their faces, why the hell should you care after the lack of Sympathy they’re showing.

You think you’re doing the right thing by informing them but sometimes it’s best to just keep them off and say they’re unwell.

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

You are certainly not being unreasonable. When my nan passed, I asked my daughters school about her having the day off to attend her funeral, they asked me for a copy of the order of service to prove we had attended her funeral, yet happily allowed my neighbour 2 weeks off school to go to the Caribbean for holiday.

I'd go to the papers. It's a bloody disgrace. What about mental health? Compassion? Empathy? They are dealing with humans not bloody robots. Surgery can possibly be unauthorised. A grandparents funeral IS exceptional. I'd complain through every channel - head, governors, local education department and your local paper. I'm furious too now. 😤

Good grief! The mind boggles - some people really shouldn’t be in the jobs that they do. I would raise merry hell about this complete load of crap and get that attendance officer’s card marked. She is incorrect about the application of the rules (surgery being unauthorised wtf) and is rude.

I am so sorry for your loss and this kind of bullshit is hardly helping. Hugs to you OP

Sorry for your loss School is being insensitive and ridiculous As a school chaplain Id go all guns blazing to the governors AND the head and the LEA

Some schools are so inconsiderate, my son had a minor op on his foot was off around 4-5 days as he had to rest an not apply pressire, his school are a quite strict catholic secondary school, but they authorised all his days, then this week mon and tue my daughter who attends a diff school werent in, shes 15, but is autistic and has anxiety quite bad too, but our tiny chihuahua, my daughters lil companion, was tragically hurt in a accident but passed away within minutes and she saw it happen, she was and is heartbroken to a point of she wasnt talking, school authorised her 2 days off....i know its not the right way but maybe you shouldnt of asked school but just said he had a bug or something as the 1st 2 days are authorised 3rd day unless proof is provided then is classed as unauthorised, and you wouldnt be fined then either. Schools make it so hard for parents sometimes, your response to the school was much better than what mine would of been. If they fine you, appeal it, circumstances due to culture differences and the fact its so far away and they wont be attending the full 7 days but they have to attend obviously, fight it all the way beaut, you arent in the wrong xxxx

I think it’s absolutely appalling that the school have responded to you in the way they have. Of course your circumstances are exceptional. I used to be an EWO (now called an attendance officer) and I would have only treated you with the compassion you deserve. What kind of person is s/he? You are grieving and in shock and should receive only kindness and compassion. Most certainly complain to the school governors - they should be made aware of how you’ve been treated and if you could stand to, go to the local papers, or threaten to; that sometimes works wonders. Good luck and a huge hug.