Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

A bloody disgrace! I agree with PP who suggested contacting the governors about it.

Have you gone back to them OP?

My understanding of the way that it works is that

• School can decide whether or not to authorise. It is entirely within their gift to do so and clearly the circumstances, distance and cultural expectations warrant it. First, I would escalate beyond number-crunching overzealous attendance person to challenge the decision.

• Second the fine thing - school has to report unauthorised abscence to LA. It is up to them too, whether they recommend a fine. They would be absolute *****s to recommend a fine for abscence for a funeral attendance. LA then decide if they want to act on that recommendation. I would let the LA know the reason for the abscence prior to that decision as its harder to get a penalty notice retracted than not get one in the first place.

• it only ends up in court for non payment of the fine. But who needs that level of hassle.

The fines are intended as deterrent, you don't need to be deterred. School have no business threatening you. Most EWOs would say this is a non issue and misuse of a fine.

Put everything in writing - repeat and clarify what you were told by Attendance officer and ask them to confirm; then state why it should be reconsidered; cc to your partner if you have one, Head and Head of pastoral. Ridiculous that you should have to

I can't actually believe the school have said that, I would most definitely be complaining..... I'm sorry for your loss OP xx

Week off for surgery. Can I just confirm this was the child’s surgery, not someone else’s?

So sorry for your loss, the attendance officer was a bastard to say what he did. You and your family should do all you need to do to mourn your dad's passing and the school should be more sympathetic 💐

Im sorry for your loss. I wouldn’t waste your time trying to speak to anyone. So long as they’ve been told your child will be absent, nothing will happen. There’s not a court in the land that would fine you in these circumstances. If you’re so inclined, you could send a Recorded delivery letter to head cc in attendance officer and head of governors. Facts set out in paragraphs. I called x date to explain y. Was told y by attendance officer. Facts regarding absence 1 is that child had operation (evidence attached). Facts regarding forthcoming absence 2. - death of x, funeral is at Z , so child will be absent Z time. Don’t ask permission- tell them. Final para - please treat this as formal complaint about content of discussion and tone of attendance officer. Profoundly inappropriate in circumstances.
etc. Keep it unemotional and business like.

I'm so sorry you lost your Dad. Terrible. The school emotional intelligence is no where to be seen. Go to the funeral take them out and sort the school issue out afterwards. I would also go higher than the idiot who called you and tell them really what you think.

I would complain to the governors. I'm sorry for your loss.

Make a complaint to the governors, if you don’t get a decent response escalate and report to Ofsted or your Local Authority. This is barking mad and totally uncalled for. You have enough on your plate and the school should concentrate on supporting your children in school and be supportive in how they deal with you. I’m so sorry for your loss. This is awful 😢

School and their attendance policies suck. It's just for ticking a box and no other reason. Just have your kids off school. Once everything is sorted with your dad then start fighting the school retrospectively. Any place they'll report you will be understanding

Firstly sorry for your loss and that it’s been so sudden.

School are being totally unreasonable. Have you looked at their attendance policy from the website? That should show you in black and white what they should be following.

And argue the case regarding the surgery if they marked it as unauthorised at the time - it’s not relevant now and was surely incorrect at the time? I think ultimate responsibility is down to the head?

I hope you successfully manage to put them back in their place without too much stress when you have so much else going on x

I do attendance at the primary school I work in. I'm embarrassed for the person you dealt with. I'd be worried that they'd misunderstood or misinterpreted the policy. Each case has to be looked at holistically, you can't just apply blanket rules to each case as there are human beings involved. I hate that some schools just look at it so impersonally, as if they're just statistics. The head has the final decision about whether to pursue a fine via the local authority.

At my school we'd take into consideration:

closeness of relative
specific circumstances of bereavement eg need to travel
cultural and religious considerations, within reason
current and previous percentage attendance
reasons for previous absences (any evidence eg medical appointment letters? Or is there a pattern of always having diarrhoea, which it's difficult to provide evidence for
whether high previous absence levels are impacting the child's progression/attainment
particular patterns eg always off on a monday or friday

It's obviously a bit different in an academy, but ultimately I think it would be the head's decision whether to pursue a fine for your individual case or not. Personally I'd definitely challenge whether it would even be unauthorised, never mind the threat of a fine

Definitely ask to speak to the head. That attendance person needs training. Stress how upsetting you found the conversation with the attendance officer, when you were already feeling upset and vulnerable. Or if it turns out they are correctly following the very rigid policy then I'd be asking for the policy to be reviewed and put in a complaint to governors to ask them to review it. I'm really sorry for your loss, it must have been hard to keep your cool in the circumstances.

Thisss !!!! Spot on @Fuckitydoodah

The last thing that you need right now is this sort of hassle. As if you don't have enough to contend with. It sounds hideous. So sorry for your loss. When things have calmed down a bit, I would absolutely write to the school and say how awful their approach was, especially compared to your other children's schools. Let them know exactly how they made you feel. It will no doubt be someone with no confidence or common sense with a tick box mentality.

I think you just need to put this out of your mind for the next few days. Go to the funeral and take your children. You'll be in a better frame of mind to handle everything after. First I would dispute the 5 days they're accounting for in July. Did they expect you to roll your child into school in a hospital cot? For the funeral leave I think it's something you can handle on when you come back as well. Don't argue beforehand.

I'm So Sorry OP!! This is such an aweful time and I'm sooo close to my dad, a real daddys girl even in my 30's so i empathise massively with you 🙏🏾❤️

Absolutely write to the school chair and department of education. This is 100% exceptional circumstances and you are doing your best to follow these (ridiculous) rules but getting rude and heartless responses from your sons's school! Did you get the teachers name who you spoke to? 100% report them and ask what gives school the right to expect you to chose between saying a final goodbye to dear dad and school - which is still going to be there after the 3 days you are already in agony asking for!! You are amazing Op. I would be a sobbing mess everday for about a year if i lost my daddy or my mummy!! U only get one set of parents (not including laws in this) and its yours and your childrens birth right to say your goodbyes out of the norm or not! In our family tradition it takes 9 nights before the ceremony and trust and believe me and mine will be taking the whole 9 off when sadly we will have to. Mums and Dads are not debatable i'm sorry OP. Say goodbye to your Dear Dad and let the ass hole who called you up being rude feel the pain in your voice when you tell him you are reporting him for having lack of empathy and insight and failing to acknowledge your son's VALID exceptional circumstance which was unavoidable and unexpected! Ffs it was not planned!! How dare they say no!!!!!!!!!

How does he/she bloody know your dear son doesnt want to say bye to his grampy too? How dare he just shut it down! Hoping you all get to go without the fine OP - if u get a fine, stick it on Change.org and apppealllll it - post the link to the petition here so that I for one, can sign it!!

Good Luck OP

This is discrimination and I would put that in writing to them. You could take a case against them and you would win.

I'm very sorry for your loss x

So sorry for your loss OP.

The school is being totally unreasonable.

Also, lat I checked religion is a protected characteristic under the Equalities Act.

Schools - or rather the DfE - have target attendance of 96%. It’s early in the academic year but 3 days absence will not cause a drop below that over the course of the year.

Schools are under immense pressure to have good attendance, and make it really difficult to deal with emergencies or events like funerals.

My Mum passed away five years ago, and had moved from Birmingham to Plymouth a decade earlier. Her partner organised her funeral for 10.00am in the morning on a weekday in Plymouth which meant travelling down the day before the funeral to ensure that we could be there on time, due to the distance and traffic.

The school would only grant them one day of absence a funeral, so I had to attend it on my own without my husband or daughters!

My daughters had 100% attendance at school since they started there, (only taking time off in later years because they caught Covid at school and they had to be quarantined) but apparently there is guidance that states only one of absence is permitted for close family funerals, and absence isn’t permitted for more distantly related relatives.

It felt quite cruel really!

School governor here. I don’t have a copy of my schools policy to hand as on my phone but it is in essence a flow chart of escalation. ‘Straight to fine’ is basically only in the case a parent is forthright its a term time holiday, for example.

What they have said does not sound right or appropriate given the circumstance and information you’ve shared here.

They are being hugely unreasonable.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. We lost my gran in exactly the same circumstances and it was bloody horrendous. Big un-mumsnetty-hugs. X

I wouldn't give two flying Fuc*s what they said, take them out for as long as you or they need.

I would write:

This refers to your communication of (date). May I remind you that two years ago you closed etc. Pray tell me why what is acceptable to you is not acceptable to me

Time off for surgery should have been authorised. School do not get to decide surgery is unnecessary and unauthorise it. Look at the complaints procedure, usually on the school website, and follow it to make a complaint. You know next time to just phone in sick for whatever time off you need.