Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

SO unreasonable of the school. Of course the circumstances are exceptional. As was the surgery, which is actually a sickness absence. Complain to head teacher/ governors.

Agree that the school are being awful OP, and at a time when you are grieving. I'd definitely protest this. Doesn't attending a funeral fall under some sort of religious persecution protection?

That is awful. I just would carry on and do what you need to do. Doesn't really matter if they authorise it or not. I wouldn't be paying the fine either

Do you have a partner OP? If so I would get them to write an email summing up the conversation you just had and checking it's right because it seems barbaric, not least because the person on the phone was speaking to someone who has just lost her father and showed no sympathy or humanity whatsoever.

If you don't have a partner I'm sure somebody on here could compose something you can copy and paste. You shouldn't be having to use your brain at this time.

I'm really sorry about your dad.

Sitting Shiva is quite normal for Jewish families of which there are plenty in the UK.

The op has said her children would not be doing all of the seven days but they are entitled to have time off school for some of it.

I thought the same and agree with you about governors, etc.

Sympathies re you dad how awful!

But i do think yabu a bit unreasonable. As 7 days funeral isnt the norm in uk and sounds excessive (even if it is normal for your culture.). Obviously you take as long as you have to or want to but the school rules frim the gov will have a period of time allowed for leave so its not up to school discretion. If you are going abroad though that adds time on i think.

Unclear if you mean you are travelling within uk?

However school are obviously completely wrong referring to an absence for surgery as surely that would be an authorised absence.

Hi OP,
As you said there are cultural reasons for the 7 day funeral I would make a complaint in to the governors citing racial/religious discrimination.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/equality-act-2010-guidance
The public sector equality duty is interesting - one of these duties is to foster good relations between groups. Not supporting you to observe your religious (edited to say or cultural) customs for a funeral is hardly doing that.

Would they? Our secondary school closed for a day when a teacher died too.

When you say cultural practises do you mean sitting shiva?

I can’t imagine that governors or SLT would be happy with this at all, I would escalate!

That’s outrageous and I would go absolutely nuclear on them. But I am not very good at dealing with Conputer Says No bureaucracy.

I do think it needs to go to the governors.

Also, we recently found out from our school that last year the local authority stipulated that only the first 2 days of any single absence could be authorised - after that they had to record as unauthorised. Hence several unauthorised days for my DD when she was genuinely ill.

Don't ring her when you are angry, in fact do not ring at all.

Write to the school governors.

You are being treated appallingly so it's not surprising you are upset. I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a shock when something like that happens (my mum had a burst abdominal aneurysm).

I am sure all will be well and you won't be fined. If you get a bill, don't pay it, just send it back and let them do their worst. However it will not come to that.

Ours would authorise for parents, grandparents, siblings, nephew/niece, aunt/uncle and first cousins. Not for great aunts, 2nd cousins etc.

Yes, attendance can impact on ofsted gradings, and if a child is absent on census day, the school may lose their whole funding for the entire year.

I think part of the issue is the massive increase in termtime holidays, meaning schools are having to crack down on all absences to try to keep their figures acceptable. Another example of the behaviour of a few people, leading to others being unreasonably punished.

Well first of all I think it's ridiculous that kids are not officially allowed to miss school for their grandparent's funeral.

But secondly, from a practical point of view, if the funeral is 300 miles plus a ferry away (as for the OP) then that in effect means OP can't attend her own parent's funeral, unless she has someone to leave her young kids with for several days.

I'm all for kids having good school attendance, but the current rules (or individual school and local authority interpretations of the rules) are absolutely draconian and ridiculous.

The consecutive rule has gone - it’s the total number amount of absence either consecutive or individual days over a 10 week period now so applies

But either way I would query why the July absence is relevant as it was medical.

Was it definitely the School's own Attendance Officer you spoke to, OP and not someone from the Local Authority Attendance Team? Have you previously recieved letters or been invited into meetings in school about your child's attendance?

The reason I ask is that the decision to fine parents rests with the council and IME (I work in a school and one of my responsibilies is overseeing Attendance) the thresholds are very high. Under the national rules, all schools are required to consider a fine when a child has missed 10 or more sessions (5 days) for unauthorised reasons. BUT it is highly unlikely for a one off unauthorised holiday/absence and there is an expectation that where a child has low attendance a lot of support is put in place before going down the legal route. I have never heard of a parent being fined by the LA for a 3 day unauthorised absence, only where there was a pattern of severe and persistent absence.

The absence in July is irrelevant as that was medical, and should therefore be authorised assuming you were able to provide the school with medical evidence.

HT's can authorise absence for exceptional circumstances but the fundamental principles for defining ‘exceptional circumstances’ are that they are "rare, significant, unavoidable and short". Many schools will consider a funeral exceptional circumstances and grant 1-2 days leave, depending on the distance, but might not allow more than that.

In your schools I would call or email the school and ask for a conversation with the Head.

Is this quite standard then only to authorise for immediate family funerals? And grandparents don’t count as immediate family?! I can’t believe that can be true, that’s so sad… it’s attendance figures gone mad! What is the come back on a school of reduced attendance figures - does anyone know? do they get less money? A bad OFSTED?

a child at our school died recently (tragic) and the whole school (more than a thousand kids) was authorised to go to the funeral if they wanted. The whole school also took the morning off to talk about the child and to be there to watch the cortège pass by the school if they wanted to. I think your school sounds especially uncaring.. but it would be interesting to know where that attitude comes from and whether they are forced into it through targets?

The school can mark the absences as unauthorised, but you shouldn't be fined.
We took ours out for 3 days for a funeral abroad, they authorised 1 day and 2 days were unauthorised, but we were not fined.

Our head always says that she isn't legally allowed to authorise, but that she also can 'forget' to let the council know if she feels the absence is needed and child has otherwise excellent attendance. Surely your head could for this too?

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66bf300da44f1c4c23e5bd1b/Workingtogetherrtoimproveeschoolattendancee-Augustt2024.pdf

Here's the new guidance that was released to all schools. May be worth you going through it as it only came into force this term and some schools don't fully understand it yet.

That is awful. Grandparents are often very invested and influential people in their grandchildren's lives. The lack of acknowledgement of that is quite frankly awful. What have we come to as a country?

OP I am very sorry for your loss. You are right to be up in arms. You don't need a battle now as you're already in one with your emotions and all the stuff that comes with planning a funeral and sorting things out when someone has died. I'd send the email above as suggested to the Head with the Chair of Governors in copy and let them sort it.

I am so very sorry for your loss, and horrified at the school. The absence for surgery is medical, and was last school year anyway if it was in July, so I don't know why she's brought that up. I'd go to the Head and then the governers with this, and when you're feeling stronger, make a formal complaint about her attitude.

Again, so sorry for your loss

You go to the funeral. The children go to the funeral.
you give school no thought at all.
they are being deeply unfair and lacking compassion.

i am sorry for you loss.