Had a baby 8 days ago - AIBU?

Yeah the hobbies absolutely need to go for a good few weeks. He may be needed at work but he has to realise that your recovery is more important than the hobbies being “good for him”

As a pp said, women aren’t endless wells of energy or men justified in only doing as much as they feel able, regardless of how much that leaves for you.

He's not much use when it comes to looking after a baby.

Hire a baby nurse for a couple of months to help you out while he's fucking off doing his hobbies.

His input as a father clearly started and ended 9 month ago. Same old story.

How is continuing his hobbies supporting the whole family?

Invent your own hobby. Even if it's sitting on the driveway in peace doom scrolling for an hour.

Ah ok so he’s basically used up his leave before baby was born. Sorry that’s a tough situation.
I really hope he turns down his hobbies for a while and/or these new contracts and you can find someone else to support you!

My husband is not going to his hobby for 3 months. So it is possible! When he goes back to it he’s booking a day off from work the same week. Until baby goes to childminder and I get a break.

It sounds like OP encouraged him to do it, though.

How early did you have the baby? Why can’t he take the paternity leave he was planning to take but a bit later than planned? Is it because he took on these new contracts? How were you going to cover bills without the new contracts that you weren’t aware of at the time you planned his paternity leave?

If he had taken time off work or does so soon you wouldn’t have the issue you have now with him going to both work and his hobbies, he could go his hobbies and he could ensure you have plenty of care and rest around them. If you both prioritise the extra money then you can’t also have him at home more but he absolutely could turn down the hobbies for a while.

Forget the new mortgage for now. He should have turned down the new contracts and focused on looking after you and baby practically. Use the extra money from the new contracts and from him not taking time off anymore to hire some help like a PP doula.

And I’d give some serious consideration to staying in a relationship with someone so selfish never mind thinking about buying a new house with them! 🤦‍♀️

Yabu to think it's ok for him to continue his hobby atm. It isn't he needs to be supporting you and looking after his baby when he is not working. Few new parents have leisure time!

You need more help, simple as that. Fine work is essential but hobbies are not so he needs to give them up for a few weeks.

If you don't take medical advice and heal now you could end up with lifelong complications- is he really ok with risking your long term future health for his hobbies?

Do you have any family around who could support you while he's working? Mum, MIL?

Having a newborn is hard full stop, and you've had a tough birth. Don't push yourself - if you had had any other surgery or trauma you would not be expected to get on with things

If I was OPs family, I’d be happy to support her, but like fuck would I be stepping in so that the FATHER can piss off and enjoy his hobbies. He needs to step up before anyone else is asked to help.

Why can’t you afford for him to be off? Did you not budget for him to be able to take some time off? If so, what’s changed? Regardless you are unwell and need looking after so either he does it and you lose pay or you ask someone else to look after you.

If he’s getting extra work why can you not afford a cleaner and meal delivery service for a couple of weeks? It’s not a huge amount of money if you deduct off what you would have spent on food anyway and he has money to hire someone new into his business?? That way he can look after the baby in the evenings after work rather than doing cooking and housework whilst you rest.

When are his days off work? Why can’t he do the full night shift the night before?

His hobbies need to be put on hold until your situation has improved.

Im afraid he doesn’t sound like the type of father who’ll be present at future school events etc when he can’t even be present now when you’re at your most vulnerable. There will always be something else that’s more important to him like work and his hobbies.

Sweetheart, you need to speak up. Tell him his hobby needs to be put on the back burner for a while as you a) have a new baby, and b) are getting over the traumatic birth.

Don't ask, don't say please, just tell him he needs to cancel for the foreseeable as you cannot manage alone. If he's any type of husband he'll feel awful that he's overlooked you and how you're coping to prioritise his down time.

You are ill. He needs to take time off from work to care for his baby. It is also his child. There will be no future if you don't deal with the bare basic now.

Tell him you are to ill to care for your child. He is the parent in charge. The hobby doesn't matter. When his baby needs him.

If he doesn't care for his child now, when there is a need. I don't think he will be there for their Christmas performance. Or violin recital.

Now, as you are also ill, you too need support.

Put this man firmly in his place, remind him that he is a father now and that comes first. Hobbies can sod off.

Nip this in the bud now - it will keep coming up time and time again otherwise, even when you are recovered because you will have little time for yourself as it is.

Of course, but it’s help you need right now, so you can recover. I’d be so ashamed of him if I was his mum.

Threads like this make me so angry. He’s being an absolute selfish twat to do his hobbies. Do you any parents you can go and stay with?

It’s where you say “he feels the hour away will be good for him” just wow! An hour’s break for
the mum is needed. It would be great in an ideal world but you need looking after, taken care of and thats if you’ve had a baby with nothing wrong. He is being selfish.

I would pay for help. Can you contact nearest college and see if any of the childcare students need experience, like a home help.