Had a baby 8 days ago - AIBU?

Or alternatively the other equally responsible parent could sack off his hobbies & make his wife & child the priority?

I won’t mention working part time or less, he’s self employed and I’m sure he wouldn’t be working so hard if he didn't have too. Do you have a mother or MIL or some other relative friend who could come and be with you? They would be a lot more help and allow him to carry on working. My DM stayed for 6 weeks after my last section, you don’t need to cope alone and shouldn’t.

Wow! 8 days and he’s doing his hobby! What a prick! I’d be fuming!!

He's a complete cunt to continue with his hobbies at this time.

My sentiments exactly. You gave birth eight fucking days ago, and you have physical complications.

Who gives a tiny shit what’s good for him??? Not I. He needs to get the fuck home.

Well, you wouldn't would you? Because you don't know any different. Shame.

He should not even be thinking about hobby time until you are fully recovered from childbirth. Then the two of you can have a conversation about a partial return, but even then might be too soon depending on baby’s temperament.

or in simpler terms: tell the man to grow the f*ck up

Honestly, fuck his clients. He can get more clients. He's only got one wife (and you've only got one body, which urgently needs to rest and heal). Did the two of you make a plan for these early days after the birth? Even if you hadn't had complications, you'd need more support than he's providing.

I don’t mind him working as we want and need money it’s the hobbies that have annoyed me

I'm not sure cave men went cycling in lycra or whatever bollocks he's doing.

While OP sits at home with her legs together.

He thinks that his hobby is more important than your stitches not bursting.

This. Every time this.

How can someone see a birth like that and Not want to stay with you and take care of you 😔. Really unreasonable of him.

My husband was the same when my kids were born, I think it’s a natural instinct to provide and support the family (financially/back in cave man time it would be hunting etc). I don’t think the issue is his lack of support, because it sounds like he is doing the best he can, I think the issue is you need a break too and more support from elsewhere. Could you get a nanny for a few hours each day to give you a break?

He's doing hobbies while you're at home with an eight day old baby!? Work is one thing but jeez...

Totally unacceptable. Maintain that having a baby, and being in charge of them full time, is harder than being at work. Let alone a newborn!

Well done, in the current race to the bottom you're our front.

Mind you I'm guessing this was back in the day when you got a few days in hospital being looked after by nurses. So that's very very different isn't it?!

Jesus Christ OP you're recovering from major surgery where you lost a lot of blood, and need more rest, while looking after a newborn, and he's off doing hobbies? I despair. I really do.

Quite. My mum had a week in hospital being cared for by nurses and midwives, who would also take the babies away so the mums could rest. I was back at home within 6 hours of giving birth. The introduction of 2 weeks’ paternity leave came hand in hand with a big drop in hospital care.

When was this time?

Was it the time when women stayed in hospital and convalesced there until they'd recovered and were well enough to go home?

I’ve said this to him and he replies well think of the future when I’m home early or can come to every school function don’t can have unlimited time off for holidays.

If he hasn't planned financially to take time off when his wife has just given birth and is struggling with a birth injury, he's not going to do it for holidays or the school nativity. You run the risk of him avoiding parenting because the business needs him - let's face it he's already doing that. You need to very straight conversation about him being physically available to you and the baby, clear times when you are able to leave him to it and rest.

Well good for you. Just because it was usual at the time doesn’t mean OP wants to sit at home after a traumatic birth so her husband can go and do a hobby when their baby is 8 days old.

I don’t get the replies to OP is there someone who can help you look after you? Yeah the husband for goodness sake! Tell him to get a grip he’s now a father and hobby’s will have to be canned for a while. I honestly despair at what women put up with and you are only on day 8! Rest up and take it easy

He's being selfish and unrealistic. For perspective op my dh didn't resume swimming until our youngest was 2 YEARS old and even then it's only weekly but if a child is ill or whatever he'll give it a miss completely (voluntarily).

He took several weeks off work with the birth of each child and waited on me hand and foot the whole time. He wouldn't have dreamed of buggering off for 'alone time' he wanted to help me recover from childbirth.

It makes me angry the way some men treat women when they've been through so much. He needs to be told, i certainly wouldn't tolerate it.

Another He's a complete cunt vote here. Selfish wanker

My DH picked me up from hospital at 12 and returned to work at 2 with our first. With the second he picked me up from hospital on his way home from work and went to work the next day This wasn't unusual at the time. Looking back I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Must be nice to have a baby and alter your life not one bit 🙄

Sorry op, but your husband is a selfish twonk. Not even a week or two? But straight back to work the next day? Fucking awful.

"Perhaps he doesn’t understand but surely he can grasp that tearing up your lady bits will result in less sex in the future?"

This is gross. If the only reason he wants to support OP is because it's the only way he'll get to have sex when he wants then he can get in the bin. Sex is not a treat for men who do the bare minimum, like be an equal parent.