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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is A wrong or B?

165 replies

MotherOfOlafs · 18/09/2024 11:27

I’ll start by saying I’m neither of these people, but I do know both of them. I’m giving them fake names too.

Ann and Bev are best friends and have been for around 60 years. Ann has never been able to drive but gets about very freely on public transport. Bev has been driving all of her adult life. Bev has always said to Ann if she needs driving anywhere to just call her, Ann has asked for the occasional lift/picking up over the years and it’s been no problem. Ann hasn’t taken liberties with this offer.

Ann went to the garden centre last Saturday on the bus, she wanted to buy some plants but while she was there she saw an ex-display garden parasol and base for a very good price. Ann wanted the items but the garden centre couldn’t deliver them, she bought them anyway. Ann decided to call Bev to pick her and her parasol and base up from the garden centre, about a 15 min drive away from her house. Bev answered and told Ann it wasn’t convenient as she was busy at home. Ann was angry Bev didn’t pick her up and reminded her that Bev said ‘if she ever needed a lift’ etc. Bev hung up the phone and Ann had to call a cab which annoyed her as she never does that usually.

Ann and Bev aren’t talking and they usually would every day. So who would you say is in the wrong and who if anyone should apologise?

OP posts:
minou123 · 18/09/2024 11:50

K0OLA1D · 18/09/2024 11:41

Ann is not unreasonable for asking but she is unreasonable for her reaction to the answer no. Bev is better off without her if she can fall out with someone so easily

Yep, this is my view as well.

There was nothing wrong with Ann ringing up Bev and asking if she could come and give her a lift from the garden centre.

But, Ann is absolutely, off the charts, out of order that she is cross Bev couldn't give her a lift.
Bev is not a taxi service and has the right to say no.

SpiderGwen · 18/09/2024 11:50

Bev's standing offer to give Ann a lift obviously isn't 'drop everything for you and dash to your side.'

Ann should have telephoned Bev to see if a lift was possible before going ahead with her impulse buy.

I can see she's frustrated if she doesn't generally ask and it would help her out, but she's clearly unreasonable to be offended by Bev's reply.

RandomUsernameHere · 18/09/2024 11:49

Ann is wrong. She could easily have called before making the purchase to check Bev's availability.

bergamotorange · 18/09/2024 11:49

Ann is in the wrong, she didn't need the lift because it wasn't essential. You can't ask someone to drop everything for a non-essential purchase.

If Ann had twisted her ankle, I'd think Bev should have helped out.

Els1e · 18/09/2024 11:48

Ann is wrong

HoppityBun · 18/09/2024 11:47

GoingRoundInOvals · 18/09/2024 11:43

Bizarre that you even needed to check. Which makes me suspect you're not a third person

Agreed

Shoxfordian · 18/09/2024 11:47

Ann is in the wrong, she shouldn't have assumed Bev was free to pick her up anytime

HoppityBun · 18/09/2024 11:46

A is in the wrong. A general and generous off of help does not mean that A is entitled to pick up the phone and expect B to drop everything and come, without notice or request. That’s exploiting a kindness

BrokenSushiLook · 18/09/2024 11:45

Ann is wrong. Bev's offer wasn't "if you ever have an instantaneous impulse that requires immediate access to a car the call me and I will drop whatever I am doing, no matter how important it is, and rush to you" it would be a weird and lopsided relationship if that was the arrangement.

Cars available at a moment's notice are called taxis. Getting a taxi was the right thing to do. Ann has no right to be angry with Bev.

Stresshead84x · 18/09/2024 11:44

If they're very close friends then I don't think Ann phoning an d asking Bev is a problem, but she definitely should have accepted that it wasn't convenient.

Kelly51 · 18/09/2024 11:43

Ann should have called Bev before buying the items, but in the other hand 'busy at home' could Bev have said I'll be a wee while if you want to wait.

GoingRoundInOvals · 18/09/2024 11:43

Bizarre that you even needed to check. Which makes me suspect you're not a third person

HighPrecisionGhosts · 18/09/2024 11:43

Is Ann OK?

Is she usually so unable to see unreasonableness?

FOJN · 18/09/2024 11:42

Ann should have called Bev before she decided to buy the items. She can't expect Ann to be on call.

If she'd thought for a moment she could have asked the garden centre if she could pay for the items and pick them up later, either that day or another day and then negotiated a convenient time with Bev.

Ann owes Bev an apology.

WigglyVonWaggly · 18/09/2024 11:42

Ann, 100%. The offer of a lift doesn’t mean at the click of Ann’s fingers in any circumstance at all. She should’ve returned to the garden centre to purchase it once Bev was free to help bring it home.

K0OLA1D · 18/09/2024 11:41

Ann is not unreasonable for asking but she is unreasonable for her reaction to the answer no. Bev is better off without her if she can fall out with someone so easily

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 18/09/2024 11:41

Ann can call a proper taxi and still get home with her parasol, understanding that it’s no problem Bev was not available at an instant’s notice.

Bev can come around for mint juleps under the parasol and all is good.

RaspberryBeretxx · 18/09/2024 11:40

Ann is in the wrong, she can't just expect Bev to drop everything at a moments notice. Maybe she could have asked the garden centre to keep the parasol and stand until Bev could pick them up at a later date. I think Ann should apologise.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 18/09/2024 11:40

I don't understand how this is even a discussion. Obviously Ann is in the wrong here.

Purplecatshopaholic · 18/09/2024 11:39

I’m surprised Ann has friends if she’s always this entitled. Of course she should have called and asked in advance if Bev was available. Then bought her a coffee etc as a thank you, or got a taxi if not available. Ann needs to apologise!

Habbit · 18/09/2024 11:39

Ann is wrong and also a bit strange.

You don't get angry with someone when you ask them a favour and they refuse (especially at short notice). You're the one asking the favour!

"If you ever need a lift" doesn't mean "I guarantee to be available instantly at every point in my life from now on."

Gelasring · 18/09/2024 11:38

Ann is very obviously in the wrong. An offer of a lift when you need it doesn't mean Bev is some kind of taxi service and expected to drop everything at a moments notice.

Bev has done nothing wrong.

Candaceowens · 18/09/2024 11:38

You really needed to ask?

Cherryana · 18/09/2024 11:37

Ann

’if you ever need a lift…’ doesn’t mean at whatever time/whenever.

HighPrecisionGhosts · 18/09/2024 11:37

Ann cannot expect someone to instantly leave what they are doing to go and get her and her purchases.

That is not what Bev offers.
Ann could have arranged to collect it at a time reasonable for Bev. But the taxi is the best option.

Ann needs to apologise with flowers for being an arse.