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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is A wrong or B?

165 replies

MotherOfOlafs · 18/09/2024 11:27

I’ll start by saying I’m neither of these people, but I do know both of them. I’m giving them fake names too.

Ann and Bev are best friends and have been for around 60 years. Ann has never been able to drive but gets about very freely on public transport. Bev has been driving all of her adult life. Bev has always said to Ann if she needs driving anywhere to just call her, Ann has asked for the occasional lift/picking up over the years and it’s been no problem. Ann hasn’t taken liberties with this offer.

Ann went to the garden centre last Saturday on the bus, she wanted to buy some plants but while she was there she saw an ex-display garden parasol and base for a very good price. Ann wanted the items but the garden centre couldn’t deliver them, she bought them anyway. Ann decided to call Bev to pick her and her parasol and base up from the garden centre, about a 15 min drive away from her house. Bev answered and told Ann it wasn’t convenient as she was busy at home. Ann was angry Bev didn’t pick her up and reminded her that Bev said ‘if she ever needed a lift’ etc. Bev hung up the phone and Ann had to call a cab which annoyed her as she never does that usually.

Ann and Bev aren’t talking and they usually would every day. So who would you say is in the wrong and who if anyone should apologise?

OP posts:
Fhjiutwafhmbcff · 18/09/2024 12:20

Asparename · 18/09/2024 12:12

As they have been friends for 60 years I wonder if some sort of degenerative decline is affecting Ann’s ability to evaluate the situation. How old are they?

I wondered this too.

Is Ann usually considerate, or selfish?
How would Ann react to Bev asking her to do something immediately?
Would you usually expect Ann to rethink something like this to see if she got it wrong?

If this seems unusual behaviour for Ann, perhaps there is something up.
Maybe you could try discussing it with her without suggesting she's being a dick, to get an idea of her mindset.

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 18/09/2024 12:20

Ann was in a garden centre. She could have phoned Bev and said "Hey I'd like to buy this parasol, would you be able to pick me up with it? I'll buy you a coffee / slice of cake / whatever takes your fancy in the cafe" and then got a taxi if Bev couldn't make it. And shouldn't have been arsey about it.

CanYouHearThatNoise · 18/09/2024 12:19

Ann was wrong - Bev couldn't be expected to drop whatever she was doing and go to pick up Ann and the furniture. Ann should have asked Be before she bought the stuff, OR have bought from somewhere that could deliver.

Gillywoo1978 · 18/09/2024 12:18

Ann obviously is. Yeah the offer if a lift isn't at a moments notice.

BarbadosItsCloserThanYouThink · 18/09/2024 12:16

Ann is in the wrong, there's no doubting it.

Asparename · 18/09/2024 12:12

As they have been friends for 60 years I wonder if some sort of degenerative decline is affecting Ann’s ability to evaluate the situation. How old are they?

Iloveacurry · 18/09/2024 12:08

Of course Ann is being unreasonable!

Button28384738 · 18/09/2024 12:07

Ann was very cheeky! She should have just called a cab

JennySayQuoi · 18/09/2024 12:03

MotherOfOlafs · 18/09/2024 12:00

Hmm. Not her child but close! I wouldn’t show her, I just wanted to perhaps see how everyone is phrasing ‘you’re being a dick’ instead lol

Show quote history

😂 A lot of people seem to be using that exact phrase!

SummerFade · 18/09/2024 12:03

Surely the garden centre would be happy to keep the items for a couple of days whilst Ann sorts out getting them delivered?

Ann could then have asked Bev if she might be available to collect them at her convenience.

Ann’s being a dick about this and owes Bev a massive apology for falling out with her. I wonder if Ann is one of those people who can’t admit when they’re wrong and will try to carry on and pretend the argument never happened? If I was Bev, I’d remind her…😂

BobandRobertaSmith · 18/09/2024 12:01

Ann IBU.

But maybe there is a back story? Perhaps Ann has spent the past 60 years dropping things when she was busy to help Bev and the first time she asks Bev to reciprocate, Bev is too busy sorting out her sock drawer to help.

LBFseBrom · 18/09/2024 12:00

GiantHornets · 18/09/2024 11:29

Ann shouldn’t have expected Bev to drop everything and come on demand, Bev is not a taxi service.

I agree.

It wasn't wrong to ask but Bev said it wasn't convenient. Nobody can be expected to be available at the drop of a hat. I don't think I would have asked Bev, might have bought the items and asked the garden centre to hang on to them until arrangements were made. However it was nothing urgent and offers like that come up all the time.

It is a great shame that the friendship is spoiled but it isn't irrecoverable, all Ann needs to do is acknowledge she was taking the mick a bit, and apologise. As she doesn't have form, she'll no doubt be forgiven and they'll move on.

Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 18/09/2024 12:00

JennySayQuoi · 18/09/2024 11:53

@MeowCatPleaseMeowBack
I'm guessing OP is Ann's child and is being called out for not being supportive enough. OP can show this thread, and Ann can see everyone else thinks she's being unreasonable; and she might not lose a 60 year friendship over a triviality.

Hmm. Not her child but close! I wouldn’t show her, I just wanted to perhaps see how everyone is phrasing ‘you’re being a dick’ instead lol

OP posts:
Daltonbear1 · 18/09/2024 12:00

I don't get why Ann was angry it's a favour doesn't mean it's expected. Plus she didn't know what Beverly was doing maybe Ann could have said if possible could you pick it up later and left it at garden centre. But no she shouldn't have got angry

Cantbelieveit888 · 18/09/2024 11:59

Are you actually Bev 😉

Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 18/09/2024 11:58

HighPrecisionGhosts · 18/09/2024 11:43

Is Ann OK?

Is she usually so unable to see unreasonableness?

This is what I’m trying to work out. Ann has been widowed for many years and because of that her world revolves around her needs/wants which I understand but this attitude often extends to the people in her life too

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 18/09/2024 11:57

Ann shouldn’t be treating Bev like a taxi service.

anna should have called Bev before purchasing the parasol to see if she was free. If she wasn’t she should have asked if there was a time that was convenient, pay for the parasol and ask the garden centre to hold it until then.

Ann is ungrateful.

user1492757084 · 18/09/2024 11:57

It is reasonable for Ann to ask but she should not expect that Bev is ever available at short notice.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 18/09/2024 11:54

mummymummymummummum · 18/09/2024 11:30

Ann is being unreasonable. An open offer of lifts does not mean at the drop of a hat.

This.

JennySayQuoi · 18/09/2024 11:53

@MeowCatPleaseMeowBack
I'm guessing OP is Ann's child and is being called out for not being supportive enough. OP can show this thread, and Ann can see everyone else thinks she's being unreasonable; and she might not lose a 60 year friendship over a triviality.

Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 18/09/2024 11:53

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 18/09/2024 11:36

I find it very hard to believe you need Mumsnet to tell you who's being unreasonable here. Why did you post?

I didn’t. I wondered if anyone else had differing views. Plus if Ann thinks she’s right what’s to say others don’t think the same?

OP posts:
Mayorq · 18/09/2024 11:52

Ann is an idiot. Medically speaking.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/09/2024 11:52

Ann is so unreasonable it’s almost unbelievable. Of course Bev didn’t mean “and no notice and I guarantee to be available at the drop of a hat”

She meant Ann is free to ask and she’d try to help if she could.

But surely taxi is first port of call rather than last?

yousexybugger · 18/09/2024 11:52

Ann at face value, but was Bev arsey about being asked hence Ann reminded her she had said it was ok to ask in the first place? Was there any condescension?

Otherwise, friends for 60 years, is this the first instance of out of character behaviour for Ann?

Skyrainlight · 18/09/2024 11:50

Ann is wrong. Bev is allowed to have a life and not have to drop everything at a moments notice. Ann could have called before buying the parasol to check it was ok to get a lift. You don't throw people's kind offers in their face because you don't get what you want immediately.