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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if you go out for lunch solo?

166 replies

Hesxboon · 17/09/2024 22:38

I have a day to myself Tomorow well afternoon once dd is in nursery. Really want to get my eyebrows sorted and go for lunch, maybe a bit of shopping. Why do I feel like I’m strange for going on my own? Especially lunch. Does anyone else do this? My dd is a handful and I never really get time to myself or to relax, or when I do I just do housework or the endless washing I have most days. Would you find someone lunching on their own odd? Or am I overthinking it?

OP posts:
DiscoBeat · 18/09/2024 23:53

I'd rather have company but do rarely have lunch out by myself if I'm out on my own and know that I won't make it home for lunch. I enjoy it actually!

NPET · 18/09/2024 23:49

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 19:11

I never said anything about pronouns but you seem to think that posters who don't have difficulties eating alone must be men.

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I don't "seem to think". I just asked. But I'm surprised if you too are saying you've never had problems from men.

conniefromaccounts · 18/09/2024 23:13

I love eating out on my own!

Prefer it!

FinallyHere · 18/09/2024 19:46

Would you find someone lunching on their own odd?

Of all the meals, lunch time is the one when the most people will fit whatever reason be on their own. Absolutely take yourself out for lunch. Enjoy and plan to do so again as soon as ever possible.

Cosyblankets · 18/09/2024 19:37

No one will notice
They're all on their phone

allaloneandlost · 18/09/2024 19:35

YADNBU.

I don't anymore because I did a few times only to be hassled and fat shamed. It's hard enough when you have an eating disorder to deal with that. Cafes don't seem to like people eating or having a coffee on their own as it's taking up a table. They seem to like larger groups. When out I eat snacks in the car instead. It's a shame as it would have been nice.

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 19:22

YellowphantGrey · 18/09/2024 19:21

I don't think it's because they don't have difficulties eating alone that indicates they may be a man, more the whole implication that men harassing women doesn't happen and isn't a problem

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People can only speak as they find, I suppose.

YellowphantGrey · 18/09/2024 19:21

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 19:11

I never said anything about pronouns but you seem to think that posters who don't have difficulties eating alone must be men.

Show quote history

I don't think it's because they don't have difficulties eating alone that indicates they may be a man, more the whole implication that men harassing women doesn't happen and isn't a problem

HotCrossBunplease · 18/09/2024 19:15

I remember being harassed by men when I was travelling alone in Spain in my twenties and eating in restaurants. Latin men, young blonde woman. I am sure I was a bit of a curiosity. And it was in tourist areas, out on the terrace, where the vibe was less people having lunch on work breaks etc and so I guess they might have thought I had time and inclination to chat (I did not).

But I have never even been harassed doing the same in the UK, even when I was the same age as I was when Spaniards were sleazing over me. I genuinely can’t picture the scene of a British man approaching a lone woman at a cafe table. I live in London. People just ignore each other mostly. Sleazy approaches happen in bars not cafes and restaurants.

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 19:11

NPET · 18/09/2024 17:22

Sorry. I guess these days we're not allowed to ask someone's sex (or gender). Should I have asked her or his pronouns?

Edited
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I never said anything about pronouns but you seem to think that posters who don't have difficulties eating alone must be men.

theleafandnotthetree · 18/09/2024 18:15

I'm not saying it's not a problem. It can occasionally be - though I would have thought lunch alone was about as low risk as it gets - but I have always lived my life on the basis of doing so on my own terms and developing strategies for dealing firmly with unwanted attention. I am fucked if I am going to hide away because some men are low life's, predators, or just common or garden boors who are clueless about social cues. What do we do, wait for them all to become enlightened? That is certainly not going to happen but we have to carry on regardless.

dudsville · 18/09/2024 17:36

Breakfast, brunch, lunch, and dinner. I can happily sit on my own over a meal!

NPET · 18/09/2024 17:22

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 13:45

@NPET What do you have to plan and prepare for? And why did you ask that poster if she is a man?

Sorry. I guess these days we're not allowed to ask someone's sex (or gender). Should I have asked her or his pronouns?

morebetter · 18/09/2024 17:22

I don’t think it’s about whether you’re hot or not, but whether you’re unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of a predator.

cuckooooooo · 18/09/2024 17:17

I would say I'm quite attractive but don't get harassed by men whenever I eat alone.

NPET · 18/09/2024 17:08

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 14:07

Which posts do you believe are not genuine and have you reported them?

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This is interesting cos I've just been told I must consider myself to be "flaming hot" if I think I'm going to be harassed by men. Didn't think I was that "hot" but I definitely do get harassed!

NPET · 18/09/2024 17:04

theleafandnotthetree · 18/09/2024 13:37

That's hilarious. No, I'm a woman in my 50s who has been doing things on my own since my mid teens. Lunch out alone is such a non-event. What on earth is there to plan and prepare or do risk assessment for? The idea that a 'young woman' 🙄 is in some special category of human is bizarre to me. Are you implying that you are so flaming hot that you will be plagued by men of all ages just waiting for an opportunity to harass you for being brave enough to eat alone. I am fairly decent looking, was even on the better end of attractive in my day and never had such issues. Honestly, 99.999% of people couldn't care less what you do and the rest, who cares?

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No I don't consider myself to be hot. But men seem to. I'm surprised you find it so easy to be alone. Maybe I will one day.

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 14:16

YellowphantGrey · 18/09/2024 14:12

I've reported them and they've been removed on other threads.

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Thank you for clarifying.

YellowphantGrey · 18/09/2024 14:12

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 14:07

Which posts do you believe are not genuine and have you reported them?

Show quote history

I've reported them and they've been removed on other threads.

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 14:07

YellowphantGrey · 18/09/2024 13:57

There seems to be an influx of women in their 50s and 60s over the last weeks, insisting that men harassing women isn't a problem and that they don't believe women when they say it happens

Very odd.

Which posts do you believe are not genuine and have you reported them?

Crysti · 18/09/2024 14:01

I’m out for coffee and a light bite today on my own after some shopping
Ive a book I want to finish the last chapter of and this will be the perfect opportunity

YellowphantGrey · 18/09/2024 13:57

There seems to be an influx of women in their 50s and 60s over the last weeks, insisting that men harassing women isn't a problem and that they don't believe women when they say it happens

Very odd.

ilovesooty · 18/09/2024 13:45

@NPET What do you have to plan and prepare for? And why did you ask that poster if she is a man?

Thevelvelletes · 18/09/2024 13:41

Just had flat white and sandwich in my favourite art gallery cafe because of this thread noticed a few others on their own.as Tom Jones said it's not .. Unusual.😎

theleafandnotthetree · 18/09/2024 13:37

NPET · 18/09/2024 12:52

Unfair.
Are you a man?
I'm a young woman and, while I certainly do things alone, I have to plan and prepare before I do.
Eating alone or visiting a pub alone are 2 of the most difficult things.

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That's hilarious. No, I'm a woman in my 50s who has been doing things on my own since my mid teens. Lunch out alone is such a non-event. What on earth is there to plan and prepare or do risk assessment for? The idea that a 'young woman' 🙄 is in some special category of human is bizarre to me. Are you implying that you are so flaming hot that you will be plagued by men of all ages just waiting for an opportunity to harass you for being brave enough to eat alone. I am fairly decent looking, was even on the better end of attractive in my day and never had such issues. Honestly, 99.999% of people couldn't care less what you do and the rest, who cares?