Comment from nursery staff

Gosh I’ve heard and seen so much worse than this at the nursery my son went to!! I agree it’s not kind but - honestly - I’ve never seen a nursery I thought was brilliant. My son has been going to one part time since about 10 months and has changed recently for a much smaller one which I am happier with overall so far. I’ve visited loads because I didn’t want to ‘settle’ but really wanted him to be around lots of other children etc but honestly didn’t see one that I really thought was Amazing. I think they’ve all got staff that are normal people and have crappy days. I think aswell parents are on high stress alert because it’s so so stressful as a parent you feel you’ve not got much insight into what’s happening. I think the staff however are desensitised to that and forget that parents are literally watching their every move for the three minutes a day they are present at pick up etc. None of my friends have found a great nursery either - they’re all a compromise of some sort. I think all external childcare is!

Yeah I agree, I do bank work in a nursery, and people work so hard, and such long hours with very little support from the owners, and parents are charged over £100 per day

Not justifying it. But most nursery staff get paid shit, treated like shit and work long hours. It's a bloody hard job.

Not surprised. Many child care workers take to their children like shit.

This is very common in nurseries, the facade is hard to maintain all day

@cansu I’ve never told my child
not to cry. Why would I do that? Why do I need them to stop crying? I say, “it’s ok to cry. It’s ok to have big feelings”. I help him label what he’s feeling and reiterate the behaviour I expect from him. Letting him cry doesn’t mean he can have whatever he wants. We have very clear and consistent boundaries. He is a well behaved 3 year old and nursery have given positive feedback about his behaviour… but if he’s upset/ disappointed/ frustrated etc, I don’t need him to stop crying.

I think people say ’stop crying’ because they get so triggered by the crying and want it to stop… not because it’s reasonable or beneficial to the child to suppress their feelings.

@sunseaandsoundingoff the only mollycoddling on this thread is self indulgent parents mollycoddling themselves because they’re not able to deal with a small child expressing their feelings! Let them cry and let the adults be… the adults… the adults are there to look after the emotional well-being of the children, to build resilience, to role model and to teach. If they can’t handle a child crying then they need to get another job or go to therapy.

Depends on the tone, but obviously it's enough to concern you.

Sadly a friend of mine works at a nursery, hes absolutly amazing with kids, but I hear things that make me glad my son is older and no longer at nursery. Nothing horrific, but things along those lines of staff getting overwhelmed with the kids, mistakes being made etc.

I’d have to hear the tone but unless it was said in an incredibly mean way, it wouldn’t bother me.

I would always put my own child’s welfare first. That’s what is important to me.

Nursery worker here, and unfortunately you do have staff like this in some nurseries. This is absolutely not how children should be spoken to at all. I would speak to the manager and look elsewhere if you’re not comfortable. Have you thought about a childminder if that’s a possibility in your area?

I did this too. First thing they told me on two consecutive days they'd been told to stop crying in a really cross voice, they never went back.
Edited to add I found a much nicer one with no issues. Staff were clearly overworked and exhausted in the first one and the atmosphere was horrendous.

So you think they should let a child run to the door when they should be eating? And it sounds like this child might cry just because they know mum is about to pick up.
My DD used to do this. Be fine all day and cry just before pick up and I do believe it because if I was early she'd be playing happily.
Stop crying and eat your dinner isn't unacceptable behaviour. Unless the staff member was screaming and swearing then no problem.
I mean it's obviously up to you but some kids respond better to someone being a bit firm.

Agree that tone is very important. I don't really think you should tell a child to stop crying but if it was said along the lines of, 'That's not your mummy sweetie, don't cry, come and eat your dinner,' then I couldn't get too worked up about it. If it was more harsh then I wouldn't like it.

Totally fine, lot of mollycoddling in this thread. No wonder there are so many threads about parents being too soft and even more threads about how a child is well behaved at nursery/school but a pain at home.

Depends very much how it was said.
If it was a 'sit down or else' type comment then absolutely not acceptable.
If a child thought it was their mum, then them saying 'sorry Bobby, it's not your mum, she will be here later, let's sit down and have some lunch, it's really yummy', then thats very different.

I think if they'd said "that's not your mummy now sit down and eat your dinner" that would be mostly OK. It's the fact that the child was crying but simply told to stop that concerns me. There was no comfort or nurturing.

I was a childminder for 10 years. If a child was a bit upset that the mummy at the door wasn't theirs, I'd always reassure them that their mummy would be coming in a little while. I wouldn't just tell them to get on and eat their dinner.

So you’d tell a child to stop crying? Would you tell an upset adult to stop crying or just a baby who misses its mum?

I also get that nursery workers are often underpaid and miserable. So you try to avoid those ones.

I wouldn't like it and I'm quite a stern person.

Seemed to work with my child sometimes.

To tell the truth, I don't believe anyone can care for that many children every day and be sweet and loving and 'kind' 100% of the time. There will be days when nerves are frazzled, the kids are incredibly annoying (yes, even the very young ones), and the adults speak a bit more harshly than you might think is ideal.

If that's the worst thing you know about the nursery, I wouldn't worry. You can obviously move your child to another place because of this one comment, but even if you never happen to overhear it, I'd assume the same type of thing happens everywhere, on occasion.

I'd say it was a common thing to hear in nurseries as I've worked in a couple. But I don't necessarily think it's right. I wouldn't do it.

You haven't heard the lead up to the comment OP. That child might have been chucking their food on the floor the last few mins having a tantrum because they'd rather have a chocolate bar. In which case id sympathise with a nursery worker being a bit unsympathetic and irate. This isnt a baby, toddlers aged between 2 and 3 can be right little so and so's and yes some of them absolutely know when they shouldn't be doing something - they are pushing buttons to find out where the boundary is a nursery worker is firmly telling them.
Or maybe the nursery worker is being unneccessarily unkind to an upset young child having had a bad nights sleep, and that's perhaps a bit unprofessional.
You just don't know.

@alpacachino
Exactly. Add in being told that it’s not your mummy makes it worse.

When has anyone who is crying ever been calmed down by someone telling them to stop crying?