To organise a 40th and not include drinks or food?

For my 40th, I booked a venue with a bar and paid for a few bottles of wine so everyone could have a glass on arrival, but after that everyone bought their own drinks.

I was clear that’s what the arrangement was and it was fine, and what most of my friends did. (We are mostly in London and mostly self employed so fluctuating incomes.)

i think as long as you’re honest about what to expect, it’s OK.

Ask the bar if you can bring your own food and just bring a handful of snacks for everyone! Could do home made to keep costs down. Also if you make a cake - cut and share it around then that’s more than enough of a gesture. I would not expect to be fed, or get free drinks, if there was a party in a bar in central London! You got this OP 🥳

The op is inviting people, some coming from a distance, to join her in celebrating her husband's 40th Birthday. This is not just "going out for drinks." Maybe it is in your world. That's fine. The op asked for opinions and I gave her mine for this particular set of circumstances.

You'd have to be very clear with guests, that they buy their own drinks and food. They may not come. I honestly would expect a buffet, I'd buy my own drinks.

Depends, if on a work night then it’s rush home, get in, get showered/changed, do make up & hair. Grab keys and out again. Travel to venue. Not everyone would have time for dinner before going out.

Why should all the cost fall on you? Surely a forty year old can fund his own birthday party?

@IVFendomum you don't NEED to provide anything. You are inviting them to come out with you. Not throwing a party with food. Some people on MN are weird about money stuff and it's usually the ones with plenty to throw about.

It's exactly what it is. What part of going to a bar with some friends isn't going for drinks?

It's a celebration the op is inviting people to. We can split hairs all day long. We don't have to agree.

Yes it is, it’s going out for drinks for her partners 40th at a bar. That’s exactly what it is.

This isn't going out for drinks.

But its not a party.

Its "we are going for a drink, would like it if you could join us." Very different. Yes the OP has reserved an area but I do that for guests often at work. They are having birthday drinks and are not sure how many are coming so we reserve them a space just to make sure that there are seats available.

When did I say not to have celebrations? There are loads of ways to do so that don't involve making your guests foot the bill. Don't have a celebration in an expensive London bar if you can't afford it. It's not complicated.

Some of these replies are so over the top. Tell me you don’t actually go out with friends for drinks much without telling me 😂

OP, it sounds fine! Everyone will be happy to celebrate and see each other - unless your friends are weirdly precious about wanting some cold sausage rolls laid on I’m sure you’ll all have a good night.

I honestly think you’d be better sacking off the other gifts and paying for some nibbles/ bottles of Prosecco. If I’d hauled myself out and likely travelled a decent distance to a “party” but wasn’t even offered a drink I would be pretty put out. I probably wouldn’t come to the next one.

If you really can’t afford to do a first drink I’d probably just have friends round to the house in small groups.

Why does everyone want cheap finger food anyway? I always eat a dinner before going to evening events, I don't eat beige/processed meat food, would you wait and eat sausage rolls at 8pm?

A couple of bottles of prosecco/orange juice for a first drink is a lovely gesture if you can afford it, and I would do that for a 40th.

And I would choose not to find it rude. Its much easier not being offended by non-incidents.

Not would I consider buying my own drinks in a pub to be paying for a celebration. Because buying your own drinks in the pub is a completely normal thing to do.

I'd attend a birthday get together in a skip if it was for someone I cared about, and I'd happily take my own drinks (and a present for them).

I can't imagine a world where people expect this kind of constructed transactional nonsense from their friends. I say it again, no wonder MN is awash with people bemoaning they haven't any friends or don't know how to make them.

I ask you again @Aquamarine1029, and @CandidHedgehog too. Should people just not have celebrations if they don't have the means to pay for everyone? Keep the povvos in their place. Joyless and lonely.

Food and drinks would not be expected in my group if we were invited for a get together for someone's birthday, drinks especially. I've never been to someone's birthday get together in a pub or a party for that matter where drinks have been included

I think it’s fine.
To me, there’s a clear difference between a “party” and “going out for drinks.” And you’re doing the latter.

A party would normally be at someone’s house, or a whole event space/function room is hired out. Then, I’d probably expect a buffet or some type of food. I’d expect drinks if it was held at someone’s house, but I wouldn’t expect free drinks if it was at a function room/event space. Maybe a glass of fizz on arrival or a bucket with some beers in, but no more.

However just “going out for drinks” in a bar, I definitely wouldn’t expect anything. When you’ve not hired out the whole place or anything, you’ve just maybe booked a booth or a big table etc, it wouldn’t cross my mind that drinks or food were involved. If I got a text saying “going out for some birthday drinks at xxbarnamexx, would love you to join us” I definitely wouldn’t be expecting food or drinks provided/

My friends/associates would never be rude enough to invite me to a celebration at a venue and expect me to pay for the pleasure. We can and do enjoy each other's company all the time.

Is there a minimum spend @IVFendomum ? If there is, that would make you very unreasonable.

It would be better if you could book a less fancy bar and pay for a few bottles of wine.

It's a secret expectation because clearly, as this thread shows, it is far from everyone's expectation that if they are invited to a bar on a Saturday night that they will get free drinks.

So if you have this expectation and are convinced anything other than adhering to it (even though not everyone has it so it is a secret rule only some people have) is unreasonable and makes the person whominvited you rude etc then you're being massively uptight. Rather than just enjoying your friends and their company.

Or maybe she just wants to spend some time with their friends, and the pub is the cheapest venue big enough to fit them?

The idea that you can’t meet up with your friends unless you have a few grand to pay for their food and drink all night is insane, honestly. Not everyone has a house big enough to throw a party in.

Thank you, I’m quite pleased about it too.