To organise a 40th and not include drinks or food?

Great decision and hope he has a great birthday. Wow - this thread created some debate. Even got me thinking about the matter!

Pleased to read your update, OP. Have a great evening.

If you are as broke as you say, don't host a party if you can't afford food (at the very least). For one it could leave a sour taste in your partners mouth if he realises you've done it and can't afford it.

My normal dinner time is 8.30-9 so if there's not going to be food I need to know so I can eat early, but I'll still be hungry again later if I eat at around 6

OP just don't call it a party. Call it getting together in the pub then it will be clear it's not a party (which should be catered).

However the OP is talking about arranging a do for someone. Also, inviting some of his close friends from further afield.
How is she? Because she's doing it on someone else's behalf? Or because she's got someone in a bar to write her name on a bit of paper to hold a couple of tables? She can invite people to come from Australia if she wants to, doesn't change her night in a bar from being a night in a bar into a party.

Like the one I mentioned earlier, that I was invited from 300 miles away to join. That I happen to live quite far away didn't change a night in the pub into a party or mean I expected to be given food and drink.

I'm going to go against the grain here. I went to a 40th drinks at the weekend, it was phrased as "I'm having drinks at this place/time/date, would be lovely if you could join me. We will have birthday cake at around x time".

I think when it is worded like that there is no ambiguity, and it is obvious that the person inviting isn't actually hosting.

When we go out with friends for a meal for someone's birthday we don't expect them to buy us a meal - we pay for ourseves, but if we get invited to their house for a party they do lay on food and drink, although everyone brings drinks as well.

It's absolutely astonishing how many people on here don't understand the concept of a birthday night out in town

No, I think most people understand that, but that isn't what the OP was suggesting.
If a friend says 'It's my birthday next week do fancy meeting for a curry / drinks / clubbing / an Italian?' then we would all totally expect to pay for ourselves. As in, a night out.
However the OP is talking about arranging a do for someone. Also, inviting some of his close friends from further afield. That makes it into a party, and yes, at a party, it is usually expected that the host puts on some food.

Anyway, glad you've resolved it OP and hope you have a lovely time.

OP can’t afford that

I would put a certain amount behind the bar so that everyone got at least 1 drink and then buy some chips or sharing plates. Not a plated meal for everyone.

Because this is MN, if you are expected to spend money getting there and on drinks then you don't have to take a gift because your mere presence is enough 🙄

However considerable numbers on this thread think that the birthday person should pay for drinks and food

It was a bit of a tongue in cheek comment as others had brought region into it

Independent finances while you aren't earning to care for a mutual child doesn't sound particularly sensible. Worth doing that other thread.

I would phrase it as its x birthday and we thought it would ne nice to get together at x bar. From 8 pm. Please note no food /drinks will be provided so please eat before you come x

I wouldnt specify no gifts if you're putting food and drink on, why shouldn't he have gifts? It's normal to give someone a gift for their birthday.

What’s the drama here? Just with whatever is normal in your social circle. You won’t get anything from asking MN as some people are rich enough to hire a band to play in their massive house and serve champagne and canapés, others might go for a pint down the local.

For what it’s worth in our friend group (nobody is rich but not struggling for money either) someone just messages and says ‘It’s my 40th in October, anyone up for a night out to celebrate’ and they get lots of ‘oh yes, we could go to that new bar in town’ etc. Some of us might meet for dinner first but no expectations. We’d all make sure to buy the birthday person a drink. Nobody would bother with presents.

I would expect the first round of drinks / snacks to be paid if you’re hiring out a bar. But make sure you don’t keep an open tab and let everyone buy after that

Like I said…it must be regional….no one would do that where I am

What are you on about?! A “midlands” thing. Never once in my life have I thought that being invited for drinks means the host is going to be buying all the drinks. Born and raised in the South East, live in London now.

I'm going to go against the grain here. I went to a 40th drinks at the weekend, it was phrased as "I'm having drinks at this place/time/date, would be lovely if you could join me. We will have birthday cake at around x time".
Lots of people came, everyone bought their own drinks, some bought food. All enjoyed cake. I'm sure some people bought presents, but as a school run Mum friend, it didn't even occur to me, and I didn't see lots of people with presents. Everyone had a lovely time.

This. It's not a party, just a meet up in a bar.
So you need to make it clear.

Why are you struggling financially and "D"H can afford to pay for drinks for his mates?

I don't get it at all.

If you confuse hosting guests with a 'shout out to friends' then don't be surprised when attendees are confused.

Please explain exactly how the invitation differs in your mind.

That sounds good, OP, I hope you have a great time.

'we're going out for some drinks to celebrate X's 40th, we've reserved an area at [bar]'

This would be the perfect thing for OP to use for what she wants and could add:

"space reserved from x until y.