To organise a 40th and not include drinks or food?

Sorry but no. To not even pay for one drink, that is cheap. For a 40th.

OP never called it a party or claimed to be hosting one.

Have people really never heard of the concept of meeting for drinks for someone's birthday rather than having a party? I had no idea this entirely normal thing was so outlandish in some circles.

Hi OP,

What kind of bar is it that you have reserved? This makes a difference. If it is an "after work" kind of bar, say for example it's an All Bar One type of place, then it is fine to invite people along to buy their own drinks. A well written, but casual, invite will explain this and manage a guest's expectation.

If you have reserved a bar in a more elevated place, with cocktails, music, or a DJ, etc then no, it is not okay to forego any hospitality to your guests on arrival. Ironically, it is cheaper to buy several rounds at the first bar for guests than it is at the second.

You also can't ask guests to travel long distance or miss "dinner" without offering something. It's really important to pick the right venue for your budget and communicate well with guests so everyone feels good about the experience.

The poster implied you need to provide drinks etc as they'll be bringing gifts.
The consensus appears to be pub = just meeting for drinks. Reserving an area = drinks must be provided. I'm saying they'll bring gifts either way. So no, they're not relevant

Absolutely wouldn't phase me at all OP. A drink on arrival or some nibbles are nice but I wouldn't think anything of it if it was just a buy your own situation. I must move in different circles to some of the PPs. I don't need any kind of freebie in order to celebrate my friends.

There's irony in people who want a free bar and a meal laid on before they'd even consider attending calling you grabby...

She's not hosting a party. She's just arranged for a private area in a bar all his friends can meet. People that can't afford a full on catered party can still meet for drinks and have a good time 🙄

This is exactly what op should be doing.

Why the pricey bar in London? If you find the food pricey won't your friends as well?
Sorry but I think it's poor form to invite anyone to something you're celebrating and not even give them something to eat. Even worse as it's in the evening.

This would be totally normal in my group of friends - we often have birthday drinks in a bar/pub and there's absolutely no expectation of food or free booze. Unlike some of the horrified people on this thread we actually love eachother and enjoy getting together for fun and celebrations. OP go ahead - you know your friends and I'm sure they will just be happy to see you.

Seems like no one in this thread has ever been to an event held at a bar or social club. Of course you're not expected to pay for drinks or food. Especially in London. The guests can offer to buy the birthday boy a drink if they feel like it. No one is buying a 40 year old man birthday presents unless they're his immediate family.

It's not a kids' birthday party fgs. I think the last time some of the people in this thread went out was about 1982 by the sounds of things.

Worst CF’s in a long time. 😂 And Op is trying to justify it. For a 40th. 😫😂

I think I live in a parallel world to most of the posters here. In our group of friends and extended friends it’s completely normal to do what the OP is suggesting. Everyone knows it’s meeting up at a bar with a reserved space, no expectations of any food or drink being provided. Most people offer to buy the birthday boy/girl a drink and then people just buy their own!

Imagine going to a 40th and there would be no drinks and no food whatsoever. Wtf?

FWIW for my husbands 50th we were skint so I invited 10 or so people round to our house / garden for drinks and finger food, it was fab!

But you want the glory of hosting a party without literally any cost to yourself!

Exactly and not only that but the OP and her DH will probably not go near the bar all evening because they'll have all of their drinks bought for them by unwitting 'guests', and the DH will go home with armfuls of gifts.

Cringeworthy!

It's his 40th. Gifts are relevant.

@IVFendomum I do think you need to provide food, especially when they are travelling in. And ideally a first drink at minimum. It is your husband's birthday and you've not said it's a surprise so presumably he can help to finance it if he wants it to go ahead? I imagined he'd rather do that then invite a bunch of people and have them go hungry.

If you can't afford it between you, can you move it to your home so you can host a bit more easily and provide some food/drinks?

People don't bring gifts to a man's 40th, especially not held in a bar! They'll offer to buy him a birthday drink.

It's absolutely fine to tell close friends you're meeting up at x bar for birthday drinks. Have done this many a time for friends 30th/40th/50th birthdays. Not everyone can afford a party. It's not a party in the traditional sense and I wouldn't expect food in those circumstances

If you are too broke to host a party then don’t host a party. You can’t afford a party. Simple,

Just make it clear that there will be no food. Then people have the option of where they are going to eat instead of being forced to eat at the bar you are at.

I have been invited to a wedding where there will be no food but in an area where you can easily get anything you want.

food at parties/ weddings is often rubbish anyway

I dont see a huge issue. My sister recently celebrated 50 but reserving a section in a bar. The time to meet was after “dinner” time and there was no food. I think she may have worded it to explain it was more “join us for a drink” than “party”

i don’t think I’ve ever been to a birthday celebration and expected those hosting to provide my drinks? In fact usually the opposite! The only place I’ve really seen that is at open bar weddings!

as long as you let people know, its fine!

Bloody hell OP, I think you’re getting an unfair pasting here! You said you were organising drinks, not organising a party! I think what you have proposed is absolutely fine and not remotely mean.

I haven’t read it as OP wants the “glory of hosting a party”, just said she’s invited some friends for a drink! If she wanted to host a party she’d have… hosted a party.

Gifts are irrelevant
Wouldn't you take a gift if you were meeting up at the Nag's Head or the local social club? Or do you only take a gift if it's a swanky bar?

OP @IVFendomum
It's weird, whether you want to accept that or not. You know it's weird otherwise you wouldn't have posted on here.