To organise a 40th and not include drinks or food?

These answers seem strange to me, if I'm invited out for birthday drinks I would expect to pay for myself and buy the birthday person a celebration drink. Early 40's, professional, North West (England not London) if it makes any difference.

I know, it's crazy 🤣. Have met for drinks so many times for someone's birthday. Seems to be the same poster posting again and again at how outrageous it is so maybe they dont get out much! Id probably prefer city centre drinks to a formal party anyway and would have absolutely no problem taking a present either. It's not as if I'm only going to get my mate a present if they've paid for some chicken drumsticks and curled up sarnies at the bar!

I wouldn't go conditional on food or drink. I just think it's good manners to provide something.

I agree you need to make it very clear that you are just going out for drinks and friends are free to join you. I wouldn’t mention reserving an area because what does that mean? It implies something more is included, when in reality you are going to get there and save sone seats, nothing more.
Make sure you don’t use words such as ‘party.’

I don't understand. I've been to buffets provided for people under 70. Including a wedding and a niece's 21st.

I’m having a party in a few weeks for my 40th, I’ve done 9 hot canapés per person (they came in 3’s!) - I wouldn’t have done any food at all but they wouldn’t let you hire the venue without some kind of food order and 3 canapés per person felt very stingy! I’m not anticipating most people wanting to eat while drinking (I know my friends and family), almost everyone is local except a few who we are having for a late lunch on the afternoon of the party.

I’ve also ordered welcome drinks for all, fizz for the cake and put some money behind the bar.

I do think it’s bad manners to offer a ‘party’ with neither something to eat or drink at all - without that it’s just a night down the pub, nothing wrong with that at all but you need to be explicit about it.

I’ve been to a fair few events like this, but there has always been food served. Can you stretch to a few bits?

That's precisely my point. People will bring gifts wherever they're meeting and yet it's being said that she needs to pay for drinks / food as people will be bringing gifts.
If I go to celebrate a friend's birthday it's because I want to see them and enjoy time with them. It wouldn't be conditional on food etc being provided. I would just see the reserved area as ensuring we're sitting together

I have honestly never been to a 40th which served a buffet 🤣 He's 40 not 70!!

A lot of MNers seem to think it's cheeky and embarrassing not to provide food and drink, but that it's not cheeky to turn up and expect food/drinks to be bought for you.

The comments saying not to celebrate if you can't afford it are just plain awful. My thoughts are if you don't want to go somewhere and fund your own drinks, simply don't go. People can celebrate without having to pay for everyone else, we all have a choice whether to attend or not.

It depends entirely on the phrasing.

Everyone pays for themselves:

’We’re meeting for a few drinks for x’s birthday at y place, would love it if you could join. No presents required, save money for drinks’.

On the other hand:

‘I’ve organised a party for x’s birthday at y place, please RSVP’ - implies drinks will be paid for.

You didn't do this, though. You bought everyone a drink.

Then why organise something in a "smart" bar that's pricey? I don't get it. There must be cheaper options. Maybe a less smart bar where you could afford simple food/buffet and a drink. I wouldn't dream of asking people to come to someones birthday and not even give people something to eat. If you are broke then invite his closest friends to your home where you can feed them and give them something to drink.

I did this for my 60th, asked friends along to celebrate, I bought the first round, there was about 20 of us. Ended up in a social club dancing to a man and his keyboard, we had a great time, still laugh about it now.

I wouldn’t be offended, I’d think it strange though. It’s like you want to look good by booking a ‘smart’ bar but not providing anything. If you can’t afford it then book somewhere cheaper; I worked in a pub and they loved parties in January as it’s a dead time and you could probably get a good deal.

I’m afraid I would expect food as otherwise why have you paid to reserve a specific area and not provide anything? It’s a party but without any of the accompaniments.

what does your husband think of this? I would have to include some drinks and food but that is just me! If money was tight then I would cancel the hotel and present for hubby,

I had a get together for my 40th. I said to everyone to come to meet for drinks. No one expected me to pay or provide food. I think as long as you've phrased it like that then it's fine.

I was at my friends 40th in January in a bar and now thinking back.

Is there a menu in this bar that people can order food from?If not, could you provide some snacks bought cheaply at aldi as nibbles? I feel like it's nice to have something ... even just crisps, crackers, dip etc.

As for drinks, people can definitely by their own drinks. You're in a bar after all! No expectation on you there!

I would not go to celebrate a person's birthday without a gift. However, on here there seems to be quite notable cultural differences.

You're asking people to come and celebrate his birthday though? Put themselves out to do that when you're doing nothing other than letting people know where you'll be?

That's ok I suppose but you need to be very, very clear on the information (not invitation, because it isn't) that there will be no drinks or food provided. It will then be clear that people are to pay for their own. If they're so minded then they'll come and there won't be any expectation of anything from you.

I think it's a bit weird and against the grain but as long as you're clear that you're not providing anything at all, it should work.

It does sound I need to provide food at least - it won’t be the cocktail sausage type cheapo option as it’s quite a smart bar, it’ll be pretty pricey I think

But does it have to be at this bar, where it wouldn't just be expensive for you but all the friends too?

I realise you said your own place isn't big enough to host - though you could always invite fewer people - but why not hire a cheap hall or something, buy your own booze instead of paying extortionate bar prices and ask the guests to bring a dish each as their gift?

I meant from the perspective of the host.
Eg. OP invites everyone to an expensive bar on her husband's 40th birthday and expects them to fork out.
But my yes 100% if I was a host I would be embarrassed at taking advantage of my friends in this way, accepting gifts and celebrating on their money.

I would phrase it as you're going out and have reserved an area at the bar, if people would like to join. Make sure they know food and drink aren't being provided so they can eat beforehand. I wouldn't be cheeky enough to turn up and expect to be fed/bought drinks at your expense, but would appreciate knowing so I could eat before leaving the house.