To organise a 40th and not include drinks or food?

I have been invited to a "We are going out for a drink to celebrate X's birthday if you would like to join us. We will be in X bar from 7 onwards"

I always assumed it was drinks only, buy your own, no expectations of food etc as it isnt a party invitation. Just like a normal night out but on a specific date close to someones birthday. Never been an issue.

The key is the wording, something like the above is fine something like "We would love to see you to celebrate X's birthday at X bar at X time" sounds more like a party invite. Keep the wording like you would organising any other night out and you will be fine.

MN is another world to me, I personally have never once been to a wedding or party with a free bar for example, but in MN world it is the height of rudeness to not provide all the booze (stupid imo as you will always get those who go mad simply because it is free, so more like to get messy).

Yes but many people think people who invite guests to a birthday party (so gifts expected) but don’t provide any food or drink fall into the ‘grabby and expecting something for free’ category.

You would definitely buy your friend drinks when you take them out for their birthday. The op has reserved space and is inviting people to come to a celebration. It's an entirely different thing.

I’ve been to a few 40ths lately and the most that’s been provided was hotdogs (at like 6pm so most people not there yet) and a vodka luge. Didn’t even occur to me to expect food or drink. Went to one last weekend (private venue) and it was just a pay bar and birthday cake and there were some bowls of crisps but I didn’t have any. That was the best party I’ve been to in ages, such brilliant company and amazing vibes.

So which of these is more grim?

A. Your friends ask you to come and celebrate a special birthday, because they like you and want you there;

B. the get-together doesn't happen due to lack of funds, the special birthday goes unmarked, you don't see your friends, you stay in by yourself.

But it's because people are friends that I want to host them when they kindly make the effort to join me to celebrate my birthday! I don't expect presents from them at all, I want them to have a lovely time with me and I want to provide them with the wherewithal in the form of a venue, food, and drinks, to do so! (And yes, I am lucky to be able to afford to do this.)

@sweetpickle2 not so much not get out much, but have rich friends. It’s easy to be generous when you’re rich.

I think you’d need to at least provide the first drink and a basic buffet

This is such an interesting thread in terms of split opinions! Wouldn’t you normally buy your mate a drink on their birthday rather than expecting the other way around?

I go to quite a few birthday celebrations throughout the year but prefer a quiet time with just my partner for my own birthday, so I’m wondering if I’m missing a trick here? 😂 (Joke)

You're asking people to come and celebrate his birthday though? Put themselves out to do that when you're doing nothing other than letting people know where you'll be?

Not once I have ever considered celebrating a friend's birthday as 'putting myself out' @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe. I actually like my friends and enjoy celebrating with them.

I'm endlessly baffled by the MN trope that an invite of any kind is an utter imposition. No wonder there's thread after thread of people complaining they don't have any friends. Many on this thread don't seem to understand what friends are.

These replies are ridiculous @IVFendomum

I would not expect anything if I went to a 40th birthday party. I would expect to pay for my own drinks and to eat beforehand. I wouldn't expect you to put anything on for me and I would also bring a present.

I don’t understand the majority of these responses- no way if I was going to a friends celebration that was an area in a pub would I expect food or drinks. Feels like a few of those posters maybe don’t get out much.

Yes, I always take drinks, and a gift.
I find it extraordinary though that a host would provide nothing, but obviously many people on the thread think that's ok..

OP I would ask your DH either to contribute to the gathering so some snacks and fizz can be provided or ask him to choose between the night out or the hotel night away.

He is presumably doing rather well out what appears to be non pooled finances, so he can afford to treat his mates to at least one drink.

And @Jaichangecentfoisdenom

I think it’s also life stage… in my 20’s-30’s it would have been normal to pay your own way but there’s a weird thing that happens when everyone gets older and more established in life where more events are hosted.

I think cultural. In some cultures you host, you welcome people, you give them food and drink because it's welcoming and friendly. That's a traditional way, but obviously not for some people.

Maybe where you're from or related to social circles makes a difference, but in my friendship group if the invite said meet at x bar for birthday drinks no one would expect any drinks or food to be provided, in fact the opposite, I would be surprised to be provided either, and most people would probably cover at least a few drinks for the birthday person.

If we were invited to a restaurant for a birthday dinner, the way we would usually work it would be that everyone chips in a bit to cover the birthday person's dinner, then any ongoing drinks would be paid for individually or in a fairly split round.

Surprisingly it seems we may even still consider buying the birthday person a birthday present, because, you know, we might actually like the person who's birthday it is and enjoy spending time with them.

Equally, a gift isn't always expected either - sometimes just getting the birthday person a drink and turning up is enough of a gift.

The only circumstances under which I would expect food to be provided would be if it was a hired venue sort of situation, then would probably expect a buffet. Even at that, there's rarely a free bar - a welcome drink would be a nice surprise, but no one would bat an eyelid if that wasn't on offer. A free bar would be seen as extremely generous.

Never been to a party like that.

🤦🏻‍♀️ To be fair, there were probably a few beers somewhere - I didn’t ask. I always try to take as much as I intend to drink to a house party. This is common courtesy in all social circles I’ve ever been part of.

Bizarre and in very, very poor taste. If you can't afford to throw a party, you don't.

I think it is generational - finding a lot of these responses quite odd! (I’m mid 30s)

Did I miss something or have you already invited people? Seems like a cart/horse situation and now you’re looking for reassurance that it’s ok not to provide anything.

So if that’s the case and you don’t have the money to provide a drink(s) and food, your option is to not provide drinks or food.

Not sure there is full agreement in this thread so his friends will either be fine with it or they’ll think you rude. 🤷‍♀️

Honestly don't overthink it. In a bar people won't be expecting food. At the most I'd see if they can do some nuts and olives or other bar snacks. People will eat first.

It sounds like a lovely idea and hopefully your friends won't be as desperate to be snarky as some on here. 😉

Except it’s not the pub….it’s a swanky central London bar

Do you actually have any friends, just out of interest?