To organise a 40th and not include drinks or food?

Does your dh know you have booked this ' drinks ' event ?

surely when he is there he will feel obliged to put his hand in his pocket and buy his guests drinks ?

and yes, his guests will turn up with gifts and cards.

which will make your dh feel even more obliged.

So entitled!
It's your friends birthday. Stop being such an arse!

Quite.

MN has weird ideas about hosting obligations.

If someone says they will be on Tuesday at a bar X to celebrate, everyone in real world will expect to pay for their own drinks and snacks.

That's not at all what I said.

Grabby and being given something for free is a novel take on being a guest.

I don't get why everyone is getting so hung up on photos. Wtf? Who cares? You need to be given drinks and food in order to let someone take your photograph?! Totally bonkers!!

I’m organising drinks for my husbands 40th in January

Except you're not.

and on top of that you've chosen a venue where your non guests are going to have to buy expensive drinks.

@Aquamarine1029 You must move in fortunate circles, well done you.

To me booking an area suggests a bit more than meeting for drinks. Can't u ask the venue if they could do sandwiches, sausage rolls and crisps and nibbles for the table? I wouldn't bother with handing a drink on arrival, noone provides free drinks at parties...or do they? 🤔

I wouldn't post out paper invitations, that does look like 'an event". Just send a text or set up a WhatsApp group saying you's are meeting for drinks at x bar if they would like to join you.

Being invited to a party and assuming there will be some drinks and food provided doesn't make you "grabby." It makes you pretty normal.

I would expect some food and drinks tbh. My family are from Eastern European background and the culture there (in my part anyway) is the birthday person always pays if you are inviting people. Here it's more mixed as I have experienced both, where some do not allow for the birthday person to pay for anything. Depends on what your friends are like and you know them. Would they seem ok with this?

MintyNew
What would be the point though? So you invite them to celebrate your dh but really offer nothing? As you said some people would even travel in. I think you should provide some drink and at least something to eat.

The point being for their friends to celebrate with them. Most people aren't grabby and dont need to be given something for free.

EXACTLY! 💯

Wow! OP has said she's a bit skint just now. ! I would be very happy to go for drinks to celebrate my good friend's birthday. I wouldn't expect anything from them. Jeeze, some real arseholes in the replies here.

As has been mentioned, just say "we're going for drinks to celebrate....etc"

Maybe get a cake if you can stretch? But it's FINE to let people buy their own drinks OP.

This is why I can't keep up with social rules. Every time I've been out for a birthday meal (which is more expensive than a couple of drinks) the "birthday boy/girl" has never had to pay for even their own meal!

So if it's drinks, the person whose birthday it is pays, but if it's a meal, everyone else pays? Or does it depend on location?

If you really can't stretch to a drink or two then I would personally not meet at a bar but invite closest friends for dinner at home. But if it has to be a bar at their cost I'd speak to them privately first and explain that you'd love them to be there but you're struggling for money and can't host. If they're good friends then they'll understand. And def. Say no gifts.

The Op is the host, not her husband, whose birthday it is. She is inviting people to a birthday celebration in honour of her husband.

Personally, I have never been to an event such as this and been expected to pay my own way, and I have gone to countless of them.

Where has the OP said they want gifts? That is pure conjecture.

Whenever we have done a "Having a drink for my birthday at X pub on the 31st if you want to come along!" no brings or expects presents. There is no social contract there.

And yes @Countingcactus you buy a drink for the birthday person! When it was my birthday so many people bought me drinks I didnt have a to buy a drink for ages as they were all on a tab! First thing I do for someone else is get them a drink "in".

I think it depends on the friendship or the friendship group.

One friend had a birthday meal at his favourite restaurant and I didn’t take a present, no one did, except his girlfriend, because it was already costing me £50 for the meal, for cuisine I wouldn’t have chosen.

Then 2 of his friends left without paying so he expected everyone else to pitch in an extra tenner or so for their meals. I was glad I didn’t take a present!

I can’t think of a time for many years (if ever) that I’ve taken a friend out for their birthday. I do however go to birthday celebrations that I’m invited to relatively often - drinks in the pub, or dinner at a restaurant usually. I don’t remember the host ever offering to pay for anything. Usually it’s the other way around, where the friends keep insisting all night that the host doesn’t pay for any of their own drinks or food, as it’s their birthday.

I don't think it's a great idea. OK to offer food and just one drink, but not OK to offer nothing at all. There are cheaper options such as a shared picnic. Or you could just take your DH to a pub and mention to a few close friends that you'll be there if they would like to come along and surprise him.

It seems to me, you want it all - the friends/family get together but are providing nothing yourself. These people will likely feel obliged or want to bring a gift, it is a celebration after all. And then you you want a nice get away for yourselves plus gift. I think you are doing too much on a limited budget, no shame in that, but If you are not careful the whole birthday by the time you do everything will look like a poor do. Do one thing, if funds are tight but do it the best that you can..

Then book a bar that suits your budget, like most people do?

You don't need a swanky London bar, there are plenty of normal pubs here who would lay on a basic buffet.

@CandidHedgehog And yet aren't those who want food and drinks provided for them at a get together also grabby and expecting something for free?

Wow I really don’t think like that when it comes to my friends. And I wouldn’t go to the party of someone who wasn’t my friend.